Moving on from miscarriages

[Thisistheplacewhere]

Not really sure what I'm hoping to gain in posting this but thought I'd give it a go.

I've had 2 missed miscarriages in the past year. The latest one has really taken its toll physically and emotionally. Due to health reasons my partner and I have decided that we will be giving up on the idea of a second child, and being sort of 'one and done.'

I suppose I'm just looking for similar experiences, or stories people have - how have you moved on from this? How long was it painful for when other people announced pregnancies/had their babies etc?

Also, did you change anything about your life because of stopping at one? I'm debating reducing my hours at work, even though we'll have much less money for luxuries, just to spend more time with my child whilst they're little but I'm not sure if that's a silly reason to reduce hours at work? I think maybe I'm worried what other people will think which I know is daft.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks

Just bumping this... wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom for me?

I'm not in the same position as I'm still trying for a second after 4 losses. But, I do think reducing your hours to enjoy your child is a wonderful idea. You can't get that time back. How about booking a family holiday to look forward to? Redecorating part of the house? After each of my losses I seemed to go through a little spell of spoiling my dc (sometimes just one new toy or some clothes, once a high sleeper bed!).

Ahhh I'm so sorry for your losses - hope you get your second soon! I know, I really think I should only work as much as I actually need to. I'm not sure what my boss will think of it but it's definitely worth asking isn't it! I weirdly feel guilty for considering it though, why is that?!

Love the idea of channelling this into a project of some sort. We've just decorated downstairs but loads of finishing touches to do, then we might take our little one away for their birthday - possibly Disneyland! If I'm only having one, I'm going to go all out haha.

I'm sorry for your losses. I'm also still trying for a second after my own loss but I just wanted to say I can't think of a better reason to reduce your hours at work. If you think you can afford it and it's what you want, you should do it. As you say, they're only little for such a short time. People may or may not judge you for this but if it's the right choice for you and your family, who cares?
I think there are some nice "one and done" communities like Facebook groups that might be helpful, a friend of mine mentioned them..

Sorry for your loss too, and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon! Thank you so much, you're totally right. I think I have such a fear of being judged but I'm not really sure where that stems from.

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll check out the Facebook groups and I'm sure there might be an only child section on mumsnet but not sure if I've imagined that!

Hi OP,

Like yourself I have had 2 MC's in the last year and the last one was an MMC in January at 12 weeks and I lost twins.

After the trauma I'm still on the fence about trying for a 2nd ( I have PCOS anyway) so also thinking about being one and done and I'm swaying that way due to the severe toll this had on my mental health. I feel the same guilt, will DS be ok as an only, what will people think. I've quit my job after losing twins for 6 months to spend more time with DS and it has helped a lot, spending time at home recovering. We are financially worse off, but having time with DS is helping me to heal.

I've been triggered a lot by pregnant mums and especially people with 2 plus kids. It's getting better, but I've found stepping away from those situations for a bit is helping. Sometimes we have to do what is best.

There's an amazing facebook group called my first, my last, my everything for single child parents. It's been a real life saver and so many people are in the same position. Everyone is great and supportive and makes me feel I'm not so alone in this.

Here if you ever need a talk :)