Due date should've been tomorrow, feeling so sad

[tryingnottoobsess]

I thought I had dealt with my miscarriage last summer, but I had another last month, and now I'm in bits.

I've been feeling weepy on and off all week. I'm normally pretty upbeat, and though I know it's normal, I hate feeling like this. I want to feel positive again, but can't seem to pick myself up.

My poor husband is so worried about me, and I hate upsetting him too.

Today I got my first period after the 2nd miscarriage, so I guess there are some hormones affecting how I feel as well as the general miscarriage situation.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting, as there are similar messages on the board already, and I know what advice I'd give myself - it takes time, you're normal etc. But I feel so wretched, and I think it might help to know that there are other people out there who understand this pain.

awww, your poor thing...sometimes miscarriages can stay with us for a long time, not all the time, but somehting comes up, and suddenly we find ourselfs thinking about it again.
Obviously you 2. m/c is still a very new experience, so, I would think it's only natural that you are very upset right now, as it comes up to the original due date.

FWIW, I have now 3 children, had 2 m/c's on my road to this, and the due date of my first ever Baby is coming up, it was a leap year and the 29th of Feb was the edd...the Baby would be celebrating it's 12'th Birthday (in years now....)this year...and whilst I rarely ever think about it, every leapyear, as we come up to this date, I can't help but think about it.
I was very fortunate that, when the original duedate came up, all those years ago, I was well over 20 weeks pg with my es...and that has helped...but there will always be somehting within yourself that is wondering....!
I really hope, that once you ready to ttc again, that you fall quickly and that you will have a straightforward pg.
Take it easy, try to spoil yourself, and talk with your OH...

hugs xxx

Hi there, and thanks to you all 3 of you for your lovely messages. I've been Ok today, and have just been for a long walk with a friend. You're right, I do need to talk to DH. I can see he kind of wants to, but he avoids it knowing I'll get upset. He's in the garden now, so I think I'll go and see him. Thanks again xx

Yes I know how you feel. I had a miscarriage through an ectopic. At the time everyone at work and in the family around me were getting pregnant. The due date would have been around christmas - I was a bit touchy and tender too. However, do what you feel is best - pamper yourself - hot bath, glass of wine etc.. and yes talk if it makes you feel better.

Just as an after thought, if you do not know already why your miscarriages are happening - there are some good clinics who can run hormone tests etc.. there is nothing to be afraid of. I went through it and an underactive thyroid was noted - I now have to take Iodine. But do not consider anything like this until you are ready. For the time being just know that we are here, aswell as your family.

{{{{hugs}}}}....

I also experienced x2 mc's and I so remember the days like you are describing...
I can now admit that it affected me so much and also affected my dh although at the time I didn't want to admit that fact.

Losing my "babies" isan experience I will never forget and I never want to forget as they are part of my life and part of what has made me who I am today.

I felt I would never have my own baby and I turned my hated to friends who were having babies..I felt they were doing it to prove they could have babies, a dig at myself. I now know that this was all part of my grieving process and a stage i personally feel I had to go through.

I became obsessed and only at a later date did I admit to my dh that secretly I was still buying clothes for my unborn/lost babies .

But you have answered things yourself and you sound switched on, time is a great healer and will help you. Don't feel you have to hide things and keep feelings and thoughts to yourself, I feel you have to share this...esp with your dh as he will be feeling the same, he really is one of the only people who will understand atm. IME the mc's brought us closer although I didn't feel this at the time.

Well.......................probably not what you want to her atm.............BUT I went on to have a gorgeous dd (2.6 yrs) and ds (1yr) and I so hope I am blessed with more dc at a later date..

Be prepared that when you do have lo's you will worry so much more than someone who hasn't been through what you have, sadly mc takes some of the fun out of pregnancy..well that was ime and imo.
Relax for now, put your feet up and give yourself time to grieve and to think. Hormones will be over the place and esp as you have your 1st period since the mc..that won't be helping you..a constant reminder...

Take care of yourself and allow yourself time to repair.

xxxx

btw, forgot to add I found planting something in memory will help....

I planted a rose bush in our front garden. Only dh & I know about it BUT its my constant reminder of what I had and lost and reminds me of where I am now......

When it flowers in the summer its beautiful, so strong and such a fighter..I suppose how I am now. . xx

dear tryingnottoobsess:

with every sympathy...

it hurts, because it is real, a real loss. I liked Shhh's idea of the rose bush, because it gives you a focus for the pain, but also a way to see things carrying on.

Just keep on keeping on. It will hurt, not less, but in a different way, and you will get through this sad time.

Thanks Shhh, Bekkie and Keepcalm, it's loevly to know that you're there. Bekkie, I have thought about tests, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I think I need to concentrate on sorting the emotional stuff out before i deal with the practical stuff.

I'm seeing an acupuncturist every 2 weeks, who is great, very calming and reassuring, which is what I need right now.

And when DH and I talked last night we agreed that if I don't feel any better within a week or two, I'll get counselling.

Bless you Shhh, the thought of you secretly buying baby clothes just hit right home with me. I haven't actually done that, but it really chimes with how I'm feeling, and is so revealing of the strange, secret pain. It's really lovely to hear that you have 2 dc now, it really gives me hope. Rose bush is a great idea too.

Thanks again xxx

Every year on my baby's due date I send balloons flying up in the air for the age she would be this year she would of been 4, I never forget! You can never forget, they are part of you, live from you! The overwhelming feeling of grief and guilt can over take your life, you do need to be strong and when you do have a baby which i'm sure you will, (I have had 3!) You will know that they are special but you will still never forget. I still cry now almost on the day I miscarried and on her due date and another day I am reminded of her, when I had my 3 boys i thought of her! You cannot live in the past but you can remember and soon instead of hurting it will be a sort of peace! xx

I would also say a big YES to seeking help...After my 1st mc I felt a failure and like I couldn't cope if I got help so I didn't...it saw me sink lower and lower...I hung unto my dream of one day having lo's...it kept me going till I got pregnant again....then after my 2nd mc, that was it. It floored me totally and I ended up on ad's.

I then admitted to myself that I did have problems and I saw a mw consellor who helped me so much (in fact I still see her/bump into her occasionally now and she is so glad to see the end result iykwim..)
She also helped keep me sane when pregnant with dd.

TBH I found that the mc's affected me more than I thought and I got pnd with dd which led into antenatel depression with ds which saw me having conselling when carrying him...

I just think im now prone to it BUT at least dh & I now know what signs to look out for.

What im saying is don't feel afraid to ask for help, be it medication or conselling. All will help you and if you need it then you need it.
You won't be a failure, in fact the opposite as you are seeking advice and support.

Please keep it in mind and enjoy being looked after atm .

Also enjoy this time alone with your dh, its so easy to focus on babies babies babies and to not enjoy this time and indeed the time when you want to try again....you will never get this time back. .xxx