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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

How long did you take (or wish you'd taken) off work?

32 replies

SnookyPook · 24/04/2023 08:50

Hi,

Just wondering how long people took or wish they had taken off work after their miscarriage? I know everyone is different and will work through things in their own time etc but just curious. My EPU gave me a sick note for up to a month. It seems a lot but I guess the nurses recommend that time for a reason. I'm struggling to balance what I think I need to recover and heal with guilt about being away etc. Anyone else feeling similar?

Thanks

OP posts:
Hankthehonk · 24/04/2023 08:58

The doctor originally signed me off for 2 weeks which I definitely needed. On the third week I had planned to go back just 2 days working from home to catch up and ease in, no meetings etc. However I then ended up signed off for another week because I had a flareup of my histamine intolerance symptoms (which can be hormonal for me - it's quite a specific thing and not something you need to worry about unless you have this condition) and could barely get out of bed. So I ended up off for 3 weeks. Going back after that felt daunting but I also felt ready for a bit of normality. I've been making sure to take a full hour at lunch since being back, making an extra effort not to overload myself with meetings and deadlines etc, as I still feel my energy isn't what it was before and I can feel easily overwhelmed. But 3 weeks back now and it's going ok. My colleagues have been very understanding and did a great job of picking things up while I was off, I had some guilt about them (one person especially) needing to overwork to cover for me but she has been super reassuring.
There's no right or wrong, do whatever feels right for you. It will depend on your job of course but maybe you can sort of ease back into it by doing a half week or work from home to begin with?

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 24/04/2023 09:03

I'm sorry for your loss.
Its impossible to say as its so personal. I had one in August and I took 2 days, but this was very personal and I felt that being at home on my own would not have been good for me. Looking back, I didnt really process it and I should have taken longer.
The physical is over quickly. It's the mental and emotional toll that takes longer.
Take care of yourself.

Original poster
SnookyPook · 24/04/2023 09:08

Thanks for your replies. Yes it's a bit hard to know what processing time you need on the mental/emotional side isn't it. I'll just keep taking it day by day for now and see how I go I guess.

OP posts:
Bluelightbaby · 24/04/2023 09:11

1st one I took a week off
2nd one I took two weeks off

i think it’s a very personal thing and how many weeks you were and how bad the bleeding was etc…

TheCraicDealer · 24/04/2023 09:13

I took a day (madness) for my first early loss, then two weeks for each of my three mc after DD, and then three weeks after my surgery for an ectopic.

How much time to take very much depends on your personal circumstances. I was lucky that didn’t need any treatment and had uncomplicated recoveries. All my subsequent losses were after covid/WFH really ramped up, so I was able to work quietly at home, avoid phone calls and just deal with stuff via email. Work was good for me in those circumstances as it took my mind off things. But I can see if you’re waiting on a D&C or had any complications, or were working in a physical or customer-facing role you might not feel able to go back at that stage. Be kind to yourself and don’t be rushing back.

Th10 · 24/04/2023 09:23

Hi, I am sorry for your loss 💐
the first I took 2 weeks which was enough time for recovery/body to go back to normal and to feel emotionally ready
the second I didn’t take time off as It happened over the course of around 2 weeks and felt that work was a good distraction. But it was a lot more painful than the first. Heavy period-type pains whilst doing a desk job. I should have taken a couple of days of at least, now that I think about it.

usererror99 · 24/04/2023 09:35

Its difficult to say really. Everyone handles it differently and I ver much preferred to get back to routine as quick as possible and keep busy. My mental health doesn't do well if I'm home alone to dwell on things

Miscarriage 1 - 12 weeks - 3 days whilst miscarried at home

Miscarriage 2 - 6 weeks - 2 days

Miscarriage 3 - 6 weeks - 2 days

Ectopic 1 - ruptured - nearly died on the Wednesday- worked from home from the following Monday

Miscarriage 4 - 7 weeks - 2 days

Ectopic 2 - ruptured - 3 days or so following surgery

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 24/04/2023 09:43

Got the news I had a MMC at 12 weeks on the Thursday. Took Friday off, physically miscarried on the Saturday night was back in work on the Monday. It was fine - everyone deals with things differently and I'm the kind of person that would rather just get back to normal as soon as possible.Certain trusted colleagues were told in case I was a bit wobbly but all in all I think for me personally having more time off would have made it a bigger deal than I wanted it to be. Its just something I vaguely remember happened now and not something I look back on with any specific trauma or sadness.

Original poster
SnookyPook · 24/04/2023 09:46

Really interesting to hear everyone's experiences, thank you. And sorry for your losses.

OP posts:
Highworth · 24/04/2023 09:59

Went back to work the next day but soon realised I wasn’t coping. Took a week off.

caringcarer · 24/04/2023 10:52

I have miscarried 3 times. The first time I was 11 weeks pregnant and took 1 week off. The second time 8 weeks pregnant took 2 days off because it was followed by the weekend. The last time I was 16 weeks pregnant and I took almost 2 weeks off work because I became very seriously anemic too. If I had not been a teacher and felt I had to return to my students I would have taken an additional week because I was an emotional and physical mess. It took me a long time to get back to feeling like myself. Take the time you need.

caringcarer · 24/04/2023 10:54

I had to wait for D&C after my first miscarriage.

eurochick · 24/04/2023 11:25

I worked from home (before that was common) for a few days waiting for the pregnancy to pass. On the day it did I had some unpleasant cramping and didn't work at all. I was broadly ok after that, just bleeding. Not in pain. I ended up flying to the US for work four days after passing the sac. Not ideal, but manageable.

Odile13 · 24/04/2023 12:03

I’ve had 4 miscarriages. The two at 6 weeks I did not have time off.

The missed miscarriage at 12 weeks I had 2 days off (not consecutive - 1 day after scan, 1 day for medical management 2 weeks later). This was not enough and I don’t want to go into detail but I should have taken much longer off. The 2 weeks that are now offered by my workplace would have been enough to get through the physical issues I suffered. Looking back I can’t believe what I put myself through.

The one at 9 weeks I had 2 days. On reflection an extra day or two to deal with things would have been better.

Sorry for your loss OP.

MooMaa83 · 24/04/2023 12:09

Sorry for your loss OP...take as long as you need. I had a mc at 18 weeks in 2021 and took 4 weeks off, then had a phased return. I definitely needed that time, and the phased return. You just don't know what will catch you out....on my first day back someone who hadn't known I was pregnant or mc announced their pregnancy and it completely threw me. It's important work understand the impact. I believe they documented my absence as 'pregnancy related' which means it didn't count towards my sickness triggers. The miscarriage association has some guidance for employers, if you feel yours would benefit and be open to reading that.

TheBirdintheCave · 24/04/2023 12:12

MMC 1 at 9 weeks: I took one day off whilst the bleeding was going on. I was very lucky and there was barely any nor much pain. I work from home anyway so it wasn't as if I was going into the office. This was a blighted ovum pregnancy so our baby had never actually developed which I think made it easier to cope with.

MMC 2 at 9 weeks: This baby had a heartbeat but it stopped growing at eight weeks. I had surgery for this one and took two weeks off afterwards. It hit me mentally a lot harder than the first time round so I really needed the time and was glad I took it.

jackstini · 24/04/2023 12:21

MMC at 11 weeks - took 1 day then went on a work trip for 5 days. It was absolutely the best thing for me - took my mind off it and being in a completely different country/environment helped (& I drank a lot of wine)

I then had a week back at work, then a weeks holiday with family which was previously planned
Had a D&C the week after on a Monday and had that week off

Chemical pregnancy - took 2 days plus the weekend

There is no right or wrong - do whatever you need and change your mind if you want to
Sorry for your loss Flowers

user1471523870 · 24/04/2023 13:03

I think it's very personal and it really depends on how you feel, physically and emotionally, and what type of work you do.
I had several miscarriages at home and never took time off, but I took a couple of days off when I had to manage it via surgery.
This is because I deal better with keeping my mind occupied and also I could work from home if I wanted to.

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 24/04/2023 13:44

I had 1 week after my ERPC but was off for a week before that too.

Wanted more but was told I'd sacked as they didn't believe I was off for that reason and not because it was half term.

I left 2 months later and got a better job

HappyPie82 · 24/04/2023 13:56

Firstly I want to say i'm so sorry!
I ended up effectively taking 3 weeks off. I started bleeding ( and thought I was miscarrying at home) when I was about 8w and ended up WFH for most of that week. I had my D&C at 9w3d and they asked me how long I wanted to be signed off for. I took 2w but went into work around 1.5w for 1 day before having a long bank holiday weekend off.
I also started some therapy in that 2 weeks and really took self care seriously like have massages and facials and grounding myself with yoga.
I would have been physically fine to return to work the day after as I had no bleeding but mentally needed the rest after weeks of high anxiety!

Littlegoth · 24/04/2023 14:05

The first one I took 2 days. It was not enough time but I was shell shocked and trying to please my boss who was pushing for a return date. I was not thinking straight or ready to go back.

Second I was off for 2 weeks and worked from home for a further 2 weeks. It had happened over Christmas and I couldn’t handle the thought of making seasonal small talk.

Third I was off for at least 2 weeks but I can’t remember how long exactly. I was not well and I think rushing back to work before I was ready contributed to it. It took me almost 2 years (and a diagnosis and a rainbow baby, and a pandemic where I didn’t have to see anyone!) before I felt like me again.

I had another miscarriage after my successful pregnancy. I was in a different role with a different employer - I took a week off and felt ok that time. I had an incredibly supportive team in a way that when I look back I didn’t have with my old organisation.

Each one was different and there we’re other factors at play influencing how well I recovered at the time. I know someone who was off for 6 months and that’s ok too.

Some organisations are introducing miscarriage policies which allow 2 weeks off regardless of which parent you are. I think this is definitely a step in the right direction. However as the mother, we experience different things to our partners following miscarriage - we need time for physical healing, hormones, anxiety, ptsd in some cases, so a month is definitely not unreasonable. Take care and take your time to recover xx

Original poster
SnookyPook · 24/04/2023 15:57

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply. If anything it just shows that work places need to be open to this hitting people in lots of different ways.

I just had a quick call with my boss as she had asked if I could send some info over when I felt able to so she could take over some of my projects and I thought it would be easier to talk than email. She was so lovely and understanding. Apparently her first pregnancy many years ago was a MMC. Anyway, we have a plan in place for my return to work as I didn't feel like I would need the entire month but she said if at any point I backtrack or need more time etc then just let her know. I'm happy with how we've left things and feel very supported.

Thanks again for adding your thoughts and experiences to this thread. X

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 24/04/2023 16:03

Massively depends on how you feel about your work/working environment. For me work was stressful at that time and I knew if I went back sooner I'd risk crying all day or lashing out at someone.

For friends who love their team it was a tonic to spend time with people who know them well and it took their mind off things.

I felt so different 2 weeks after the MC compared with 1 week, and different again after 3.

blw95 · 24/04/2023 20:59

I have been signed off for 3 weeks by g.p (despite me only asking for 1 week). I had a MMC at 10 weeks (baby measured 9), and had surgery. I am actually very pleased I have this time off now as I am still feeling unwell, and I am exhausted. I work in a bank and the thought of facing everyone at work and customers is a lot to bare at the moment. Everyone is different but don’t feel guilty for having as much time as you need x

prsphne · 24/04/2023 21:03

Identified MMC at 12 week scan, took 2 weeks which is my work policy. I didn’t need quite that long but was very glad I took it all.