I lost our baby on Easter 4/9/2023, it was my first pregnancy after being told many years ago I wouldn't be able to conceive. It took over a decade, I currently 31, to accept that through intensive therapy. My partner and I when first meeting discussed the common interest of not wanting kids. I know there are many children to be adopted, but to me if it wasn't my own it wouldn't be the same. It was easier to not want what I couldn't have being a woman I never felt complete knowing I couldn't conceive. We met in December of 2022, I know not very long at all I found out I was pregnant the last week of march. I was terrified, but I didn't hide it from him, now I wish I had. He came around to my being pregnant went for first ultrasound on 4/4/23 seeing the heartbeat I felt there really is a higher power. That the reason I was deemed infertile, never getting pregnant before when I had tried was bc I wasn't with "the one" who I was meant too spend my life with. Not even a week after losing our baby he was discussing ways to prevent me ever getting pregnant again going as far as mentioning a vasectomy, again not even a week after while Im still bleeding. This broke me. I understand we are very early into our relationship, but I feel on top of losing our baby I am now losing the love of my life because we no longer want the same things. He went as far as telling me what his friends use with their S/O in my mind if you went that far to discuss such a personal matter and how to prevent he is steadfast in not wanting to be a father. I realize there is an age difference me 31 he turning 50 in a few days, I have always dated older it is just my preference I feel as though on top of everything I have to choose what matters more being a mom and finding someone who shares that or being with him. I would NEVER want to pressure, guilt trip, whatever you may call it him into trying for another baby bc I if in his position wouldn't want to feel pressured, given an ultimatum either. I just feel so alone.His insensitivity to the entirety of the situation makes me hurt in a way I can't describe, like throwing gasoline onto a fire. He even requested a BJ while I was still bleeding, trying to mourn and grieve this unmeasurable loss. it is actions like that that make me feel as though he is for lack of abetter word glad I miscarried and only cares about himself. I am so lost and alone, my mother and father being in poor health I couldn't bare letting them know I lost the one thing they always hoped for me, to become a mom as I am a rainbow baby, their miracle. I know in my heart if our views dont align it will never work my heart is broken.