I don’t really know what I’m expecting to gain from posting but hoping I can gain strength from others.
From being a little girl I had always said I wanted twins. People thought i was mad but I knew I wanted a big family. I never thought it would actually ever happen to me.
I was nearly 10 weeks pregnant with identical twins discovered at at 6 week scan due to early bleeding. I was obviously thrilled. A return scan at 8 weeks showed two babies and two clear heartbeats. I wasn’t due to go back before 12 weeks.
on Monday at 9 weeks and 3 days I knew something had changed, all my pregnancy symptoms had stopped over night. I gave it a few days before calling in just to see if they returned. I phoned on Wednesday and they gave me an appointment for another scan the day after. I went in on Thursday morning where they told me both babies had no heart beat and I would have to go back in this week to discuss how I wanted to proceed.
Im still processing and unsure really on where to go next but I think the thing that is hurting the most is the knowledge that this will likely never happen to me again. I will never experience the reality of twins. I feel it was a huge torment to give me something I had always only ever dreamed of, and then take it away. I wish I had never known. I’m not diminishing the fact that any miscarriage is awful, they are all equally heartbreaking. But I feel the sadness of loss alongside the sadness that I will never have this again. It’s a double blow.