Fear of pregnancy after medically managed miscarriage

[ruthc88]

Hi everyone.

I found out at my 12 week scan that I had a silent miscarriage at 8 weeks.

I had just started to miscarriage naturally a couple of days before the scan, but opted for the medically managed option as I wanted the process over with as quickly as possible but didn't want the invasive surgical option.

They sent me home with the medication and some strong painkillers. However, after they started to kick in, I was having very strong contractions but my cervix hadn't opened at all (I found all this out later) so the pain was so incredible that I ended up having to go into hospital and ended up staying the night. The painkillers did absolutely nothing.

Before I knew the pregnancy wasn't a success I had been pondering how I wanted to give birth. On my back with an epidural, or in a birthing pool with gas and air so I could move around a bit?

Now? The miscarriage was such a horrible experience I now find myself terrified with the idea of falling pregnant again purely because it will surely be worse.

Is there anyone else who has been through something similar? And how did finally giving birth compare? Am I working myself up over nothing or do I need to be realistic about what it will be like to give birth?

I'm so sorry you have gone through this, it sounds awful. I'll share my story in the hope it helps a little, but it's not quite the same situation. I had a successful first pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy baby, my daughter who is now almost 3. My second pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage 5 weeks ago.

My miscarriage experience was not as painful as yours, I was quite lucky - I also think that it can sometimes be less painful if you've previously given birth? Not totally sure about this.

But what I will say was that the experience of giving birth to a live healthy baby was completely different. Yes it was incredibly painful and things even went "wrong" and I needed unexpected interventions but the adrenaline and the joy - and pride in myself, frankly, for doing it - made those things bearable.

That said, it is completely valid to feel the way you are feeling. You might want to speak to a support service like e.g. Miscarriage Association helpline or a specialised therapist maybe to help work through your fears before ttc again?