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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Heartbroken, why is life so cruel?

17 replies

Lorddenning1 · 21/04/2023 17:41

We went for our 12 week scan today and we found out that our baby has died at around 6 weeks, what was supposed to be a happy day is now the worst day I have ever had. We was supposed to show our children the scan picture tonight and let them know they were having a meeting sibling , instead I'm sat here carrying my baby around and waiting to start bleeding.
I have 2 sons and my partner has a daughter and this baby is our first together. It was a surprise and a shock to us as we wasn't trying.
We are due to be married this year and have lots of plans and having a baby wasn't part of that plan, we actually said we aren't going to have any together.
It has taken us weeks to get our head around it and we then got excited and couldn't wait to meet them, only to find out it has died.
Why is life so cruel, we have gone from not wanting a baby, getting pregnant and now losing it all within the space of 3 months.
I have never had a miscarriage before and I'm scared about the next part. Why couldn't I have started bleeding 6 weeks ago, why has my body been cruel and kept hold of it and waited for our dating scan. It's so unfair.
Handhold please 😢

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 21/04/2023 17:42

Massive condolences on the loss of your baby. Life is very cruel. Grieve for your child, allow yourself to get angry and upset at what has happened.

Mischance · 21/04/2023 17:43

It is so hard - I know. Sending a hand hold.

Unicorn2023 · 21/04/2023 19:07

@Lorddenning1 so sorry for your loss 💔 going through the same except no living children 😢 this is my fifth miscarriage it never gets easier sending you lots of love and hugs 🤗 x

Teenbartle · 21/04/2023 20:45

I ask my self why is life so cruel a lot lately since my miscarriage I’m sending you a hand hold and wish you well ❤️‍🩹 so sorry

FrenchMustard · 21/04/2023 20:53

sending sincere condolences, I was where you are 3 weeks ago and it’s the most cruel thing. You are not alone, sending big hugs xx

Hankthehonk · 21/04/2023 20:53

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It is cruel, there is likely no explanation, and you should feel however you need to feel. Sending a handhold as well and hoping these coming days and weeks are not too unkind to you :(

SnookyPook · 21/04/2023 21:20

So very sorry for your loss. Here is another hand to hold from a fellow grieving Mamma. 💔💕

ohfook · 21/04/2023 21:41

It's so shit yet happens to so many of us. Getting through it feels impossible until but somehow we manage to just carry on. Sending lots of love to you op.

MissLucyLiu · 21/04/2023 21:44

I am soooo sorry my dear. This is so heartbreaking. I got some really great stories from my friends who has had miscarriage and now having their second kids. Please don’t give up. You will be a great mother!

Original poster
Lorddenning1 · 22/04/2023 07:55

Thank you for your kind words everyone, can I ask what happens next?
I have started with brown discharge, it's like a brown mucus discharge but no pain. Does this sound like my body is going to start the process?
I have another scan booked for Monday and this is such bad timing again as I am due to go away on my hen do next weekend, I know this is the last thing I should be thinking about but I don't know if I should cancel etc.
Also my OH is due to go on his stag do tomorrow for a few days so it's likely that I will be doing this alone, I want him to go and if I asked him to stay he would.

OP posts:
Hankthehonk · 22/04/2023 08:05

@Lorddenning1 it's hard to say what will happen next as everyone is different. In my case it started with red spotting which progressed to mucus and then clots. It all happened naturally at home over the course of 5 days. My pain was manageable with painkillers and hot water bottle.
I'm so sorry about the timing with your hen do, it's hard to imagine that you'll be able to go and enjoy yourself. Can you talk to your bridesmaids about what's happening?
My husband was working on the other side of the world and wasn't here for my entire miscarriage and we would both have given anything for him to be here. It made it much more difficult going through it without him even though my sister was with me. My advice would be to have your partner with you if you have any choice in the matter.

Rainbowqueeen · 22/04/2023 08:09

Handholding here too.
Im terribly sorry that this has happened.

I will be thinking of you and your family 🌹

HopeAndStrength · 22/04/2023 08:28

I'm so sorry this has happened to you @Lorddenning1
I'm not sure what is typical as I've read quite a few MC experiences on here, but my MC started with light pink spotting in an evening and then heavy bleeding and clotting the next day.
My lower back hurt first, then during the MC I had intense cramps and was sick. Eventually I ended up going to A&E because of the pain and heavy bleeding. There was a moment where I felt a gush of liquid which soaked my pad and trousers (sorry if TMI).
If you can, prepare some pain relief and a supply of thick pads as well as spare clean clothing and old towels to lie on. Also maybe a bag you can grab if you feel you do need to go to hospital?
If there is someone close who can be with you, or who you can call if your partner is away it is a big thing to go through on your own, although I know others have.
Take care and be extra kind to yourself, there is lots of support on here if you need it x

Daniki · 22/04/2023 08:30

@Lorddenning1 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can they do a d&c? Both my mc's started with brown spotting which lasted 2 weeks and in both cases I then needed to take the tablets to help everything else "clear out" 😖 I would defo ask about the d&c if you're having your hen next wknd otherwise it might be an idea to push it out a few weeks? Everyone would of course understand and your bridesmaids can organise that all for you so you don't have to. Sending you lots of love, please be kind to yourself ❤️

Original poster
Lorddenning1 · 22/04/2023 08:45

I think Im going to ask them for a D&C on Monday, I do not want to prolong this, im currently lied in bed with no desire to get up, with my baby still inside me, I need this to be over so I can start to attempt to move on from this, feel like im in limbo currently. The Hen do is 4 days away in Spain with my best friends, no partying just relaxing round a pool in the sunshine, no work, housework or looming after children, so I don't know if this would be a good for me, now more than ever.

OP posts:
Unicorn2023 · 22/04/2023 09:03

@Lorddenning1 i asked for a D&C and they couldn’t fit me in for two weeks so I Am in today for medical management taking a tablet today 💔 like you I just want it done now but I think you should go on your hen doo you really need time to relax after such a devastating time xx

Daniki · 22/04/2023 11:48

@Lorddenning1 ah your abroad for it, I think it be great for you to get away in sunshine and surrounded by your best friends, but difficult if you were to start bleeding just before you go. Defo ask Monday if you can get it done see what they say . You poor thing my heart goes out to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ xx

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