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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Going back to work after miscarraige

19 replies

scotlass · 13/02/2008 19:17

Hi, I've been off for 4wks following my second miscarraige, going back tomorrow. I'm really worried as I'm still feeling wobbly and peed off with the world. (Doesn't help that my job is totally focused on families and babies.)
Any words of wisdom to help me get through the next few days??

OP posts:

cornsilk · 13/02/2008 19:20

Sorry for your loss scotlass. Just remember that many women miscarry and go on to have healthy babies. When I had a miscarraige I found talking to women at work who had also been through it really helped.

bb99 · 14/02/2008 12:39

Sorry for your loss! Sounds macabre but I found waterproof mascara helped as at least I felt a bit covered up and when I did need a moment, didn't look like a panda. Also the number of other women who came forward at work with support and who had similar experiences was very helpful.
Take the odd moment out if it gets too much (toilets can be very relaxing places) and don't expect too much of yourself...

Hope you and your day has been kind to you!

Gumbo · 14/02/2008 12:45

When I went back to work after my 1st (and 2nd) my boss - whom I wasn't close to, but I knew that his wife had had a mc previously - made the mistake of asking me how I was. I snarled at the poor man - "DON'T be nice to me, FGS! It'll all go very wrong...."

There were many days when I just felt like sitting at my desk and howling; on those days I tended to avoid the lifts and spent a lot of time walking up and down several flights of stairs for a bit of peace. Oh, and remote coffee machines where you won't bump into someone you k now are also good!

It gets easier, though - honestly! Good luck

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 14/02/2008 12:47

Do you have to go back tomorrow? Maybe ask if you can leave early if it all is too much. Find someone sympathetic who can look out for you if you need space. I hope it goes okay.

Just realised tomorrow is now today. Hope you are okay.

Kinderherzen · 14/02/2008 12:58

Hope you are doing ok today. Sorry for your loss. Take your time, if you do not feel up to it then perhaps you can take some more time off.

I worked with a girl who had no understanding of what a m/c means to a woman, and it was partly because of her that I quit my job after my 2nd m/c.

We were lucky, as the tax situation here in Germany was such that I was able to take a parttime, less stressful job and my DH went into a different tax bracket. That way we were not losing too much money.

When I went back after the 2nd m/c I already decided to quit so it was easier, but it was still horrible meeting people who did not know that I had miscarried.

Thinking of you today.

Shellyedin · 14/02/2008 21:24

Hi scotlass

I hope you managed to get through your first day back at work ok.

I went back on Monday after being off for a week after my second miscarriage.

I threw myself totally back into it as I am determined not to dwell and as we will want to try again very soon I am hoping that by focusing my attention back on working that it will take my mind off things and try and get my mind in the right place hopefully for the next pregnancy.

I think your situation is a lot more difficult thou with your type of work. One thing I find really hard just now is looking at pregnant women, I feel so envious of them and I have to quickly look away before I burst into tears so I can't imagine how you feel in your job situation.

My own advice is take each day as it comes, good days and bad days will happen and just go with the flow and like BB99 says the toilets are always a good place to go and get some time to yourself.

I hope your doing ok, take care.

Original poster

scotlass · 14/02/2008 21:28

Thanks everyone. Well I survived and got through the day. Stayed in and caught up on the mountain of paperwork so wasn't tested too much. Proper test will be next week seeing babies and people moaning at me and the stress mounts.

Ah waterproof mascara! I went one further and got my eyelashes died tonight (post work treat!)

The girls were lovely in the office who knew about the mc and people who didn't were nice too - one even said I looked so much more rested - I did look particularly dreadful the last month before the mc and erpc.

Just a bummer to think you get through feeling awful for 3 months and this would have been the better part. I didn't take any time off after my first last year and it was a mistake, I couldn't concentrate and wasn't very tolerant. 4 weeks is the longest I've been off apart from 4 months maternity leave but it's flown in. Did feel terrified I'd keep being teary but so far so good. Don't work Fridays anyway so 1 day week was tolerable!

OP posts:

Original poster

scotlass · 14/02/2008 21:29

oops eyelashes dyed

OP posts:

Shellyedin · 14/02/2008 21:36

Hey scotlass

Glad it went ok for you today I hope you get through next week ok

BlueCornflower · 14/02/2008 21:45

Thinking of you. I had a miscarriage a month ago and everyone in the office knew as I had told them at 12 weeks - instead of waiting until after the scan... What interested me was that there were no women in the office who had personally experienced miscarriage but four of the men talked with me as their wives had experienced it. TBH, I found I would rather talk with a man who had 'experienced' it than a woman who hadn't. Hope you manage to find the right people to talk with, at the right times.

Original poster

scotlass · 14/02/2008 21:54

Thanks Shelly. How are you? I was thinking about you too and hoping you were feeling a bit better.

bluecornflower I couldn't agree more sometimes men who have been there are much more sensitive. Unfortunately my place is full of women!! My 2 close work colleagues were fantastic and had really tried to make sure there wasn't anything too stressfull for me to come in to which I really appreciated. Do you know a bit of normality actually helped - I had a really bad day yesterday and was a bit spooked cos I'd been feeling more like myself.

You're all lovely - my DH works away so it gets a bit lonely and no one I know has had a miscarraige so although you can talk to friends it's not really the same

OP posts:

TimeForMe · 14/02/2008 22:15

Hi Scotlass, we 'met' last night on the gek thread

I just wanted to send you a hug if thats ok xx

TimeForMe · 14/02/2008 22:16

That should read Geek thread!

Original poster

scotlass · 14/02/2008 22:22

Thanks timeforme, hugs welcome anytime!

I initially thought geek thread that won't be me!! then remember I got excited I wasn't the only one who was getting cross with tiscali!

OP posts:

TimeForMe · 14/02/2008 22:27

I was thinking about you today. Did you send for the router yet? You won't regret it!

Original poster

scotlass · 14/02/2008 22:28

LOL - not yet but is on my to do list!!

OP posts:

TimeForMe · 14/02/2008 22:51

Give me a shout if you need any guidance. I'm a 'router expert' now you know

Have a lovely day off tomorrow xx

Shellyedin · 21/02/2008 20:04

Hey Scottlass

How's it going? I am doing ok, feeling a bit fed up today to be honest but I guess you get days like that.

How's the job going is it any easier this week?

Shelly

Original poster

scotlass · 21/02/2008 21:04

Hi Shelly

Yeah being back at work not too bad really. Got over my fear of bursting into tears the first time I held a baby and managed to keep it together all week.

Back to the old routine I suppose makes the pregnancy seem like a distant memory then all of a sudden BAM you feel really sad and think I can't believe I've lost two babies. Just trying to focus on the positive things in life and appreciate what I've got but I know behind my coping mask I still feel pretty miserable about it all.

Never mind going to the pub on Sat night with the girls (DD going to x factor with a friend) so shall have a bottle glass or two of the old vino.

TFM still not ordered my router but I will!

OP posts:

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