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Live ectopic pregnancy I'm devastated

8 replies

CrystalQueen87 · 22/03/2023 09:38

Where to start.
I feel like I need to write this down in order to help process what’s happened.
Yesterday I came into the EPU for my second early scan due to bleeding early on as they could not see anything in my uterus a week ago but said it may be too early, I was sent away with a pregnancy of unknown location.
My HCG levels rose as they would be expected with a normal pregnancy so I still had hope. Re scan yesterday and I knew there was something wrong, the lady was taking a long time and clicking away taking photos of the scan. She turned to us and said I’m really sorry but I can’t see anything in your uterus but I can see a pregnancy in your right fallopian tube. I needed surgery to remove the tube and pregnancy.
From there it happened so fast, doctors came consent forms handed to me and I was told I needed surgery that day. They then told me that the pregnancy was a ‘thriving live’ pregnancy with a heart beat and I just can’t get my head or my heart around this. I am so sad my heart is hurting. Our little baby that could have been was beating away inside me but just in the wrong place. I feel like my body has failed I have already had one normal pregnancy why did I fail this baby?
I am sore, and my emotions are all over the place.
I feel lucky that my instinct knew something wasn’t quite right and that we caught this early enough before a rupture apparently I was leaking blood inside and the tube was very tight.
I think I will find this forum and all of the information on it helpful for my recovery and grieving process I wasn’t prepared for all of these questions thoughts and emotions.
They said my other tube is healthy but I’m at risk of another ectopic again, I honestly can’t think about that right now and ag this moment I’m not sure I could put my body, my husband and my little boy through this again. But then I can’t bear the thought of not having another child.

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
stealtheatingtunnocks · 22/03/2023 09:46

I’m so sorry. This is very hard, you will need time to grieve the loss of your much-wanted baby.

It is a tragedy that your family has been affected by this, try to take comfort from knowing that without swift care you would both have died.

It is amazing that any pregnancy goes right. I hope you recover from this smoothly.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 22/03/2023 09:46

I'm so sorry for your loss, everything must be so raw and your feelings so complex right now. I completely understand how you might feel that your body has failed your baby - but please try to get any feeling of guilt or blame out of your head, you were dealt a very rough deal by mother nature, it's as simple as that.

You don't need to make any decisions about the future right now, just concentrate on your recovery and grieving your loss.

Again, I'm so sorry.

BlueMumma2018 · 23/03/2023 20:00

I am so sorry. Take time for yourself and allow the feelings to come. Make use of support.. ❤️

usererror99 · 23/03/2023 20:08

I'm so sorry OP

I had two live ectopics about a year apart - both ruptured

I'm not sure if glad I know mine were live or not sometimes I think it might have been better not to know - but both times I saw the heartbeat and was able to say a goodbye of sorts. But it does make the grief harder in many ways.

What did help me though was that as there were heartbeats the hospital had a policy of arranging a funeral which whilst incredibly painful was lovely and I was able to gain closure of some sort. When you are ready perhaps it's sometime you can explore with your hospital midwife bereavement team if they have one? X

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 23/03/2023 20:12

I’m sorry ❤️ I’ve survived an ectopic myself and it’s brutal. In time, it gets slightly less shit. In the meantime, be kind to yourself xxx

Chilloutwillyou · 23/03/2023 20:27

I’m so sorry OP. Ectopics are devastating for so many reasons. You feel so cheated and then you have the trauma of the medical emergency which surrounds it (they are life threatening).

My first pregnancy was an ectopic, and it was so so upsetting. I went on to have two beautiful children. As devastating as it was, I wouldn’t have had those children, and they are my world and the babies I was supposed to have.

be kind to yourself OP and give yourself time to recover 💐

NotPlops · 23/03/2023 20:27

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had two ectopics a long time ago. It was a tough time but I went on to have 2 kids.

If you haven't already found it check out the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust website and forum. I got the most amazing support there.

Kranke · 23/03/2023 20:39

I’m so sorry. I’ve had four miscarriages and recently an ectopic. It is devastating, you don’t need to make any decisions about the future now, just give yourself a bit of time.

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