2 miscarriages, 1 TFMR - is it time to give up on growing our family?

[FlyBirdieFly]

Hi everyone,

I have one 5 yo who was conceived easily and pregnancy was fine. We left it a while due to life stresses before trying for number 2. In the past year I have had 2 miscarriages and 1 TFMR at 18 weeks as our baby was very poorly - absolutely broke my heart.

I have had tests done and everything is 'fine' but I just feel that by now - should I just give up the hope of having a second? The idea of pregnancy is now deeply painful to me as I now equate it with loss and deep emotional pain and not life and joy as I used to. I am desperate to grow our family but I wonder if I should just work through the pain of not being able to instead of trying again and it leading to possibly more heartbreak? I feel that any future pregnancy will end in loss rather than birth and life.

I am 37 in May, I know many women conceive and have healthy children at this age and beyond but I wonder if my body is giving me signs that my fertility journey is at its end.

I have kept all my son's baby things for a second child and wonder if I should just sell them on / give them away by now as I feel I'm being stupid in keeping them as it's just cluttering up the house and is probably not going to be used again.

I would dearly love another child but by this point it feels like it's only a pipedream for me.

I'd be grateful for anyone's advice - should I continue to try and grow our family or put this idea to bed and perhaps instead invest some time and energy into working through the grief of not having anymore children.

If anyone has any similar experiences I'd be grateful for your words.
X

My sympathies OP. What an awful position to be in, its painful either way. What does your partner think? I didn't suffer losses but it took years to conceive DC2. I may well have given up but DH wanted to keep trying and thank goodness we did. If you really want another and the tests have come back as fine personally I'd keep trying (whilst trying not to think about it/get hopes up which admittedly is almost impossible) however only you know if you have the mental and emotional stamina for that. Maybe give yourself a break from trying for a bit, and then see how you feel.

Just came across your post. I recently suffered a miscarriage too and have the same fears about trying again. But I will say this, if you want to grow your family then go for it. I know it's scary, I know you feel worried because if the losses you've had but your definitely not too old. One thing I'm constantly telling myself us that if I think negatively then a negative outcome is much more possible. Take as much time as you need to and then approach trying again with a positive outlook. You can do it and you deserve to enjoy your pregnancy just as much as other women. Nobody should spend the whole time worrying and fretting it's just not fair. Easier said than done I know. I'm dreading/excited about getting pregnant again too but please don't give up if you don't want too x

Hi 👋🏻
I also have a 5 year old conceived naturally. We started ivf last year with failed rounds then a success that led to miscarriages.

I get what you mean, I am so confused as to how I feel now there are so many different emotions and feelings there. When I take a step back and look around I see that we are a perfect happy family as 4, but I am tortured by the grief that has come with trying for another

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I know this thread was from a while back but I just wanted to ask what sort of testing you had done, as I am in a similar position and I don’t know how to proceed.

I have a healthy almost 2 year old. Last year we had a miscarriage, and we are currently awaiting termination on our little girl at 20 weeks, due to severe heart defects and a possible genetic defect.

I too am scared about trying to conceive again, and also wondering whether it’s the right option or if there is something wrong with us. Is there any kind of testing I can ask for to look into this for future pregnancies?

Thank you, and I hope you are doing okay xx

@ammmmmo so sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm sorry but I have no idea about the testing but I read your message and didn't want to read and run. Please look after yourself and try to find some light in what must be a very dark time 💐💐