Traumatic Early Miscarriage

[BebeSurprise]

Hi everyone,

TW blood loss, miscarriage etc

I guess I don't really know why im writing this except I think it might be cathartic. My miscarriage is so fresh and the whole thing was so entirely traumatising that I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant in mid January and although it was a which, we were soon really excited.

I pretty quickly felt in my gut that something wasn't right; my pregnancy symptoms disappeared and at a private 8 week scan the embryo was measuring only 6 weeks. A few weeks later I started to experience some light spotting and the EPU scan showed no heartbeat on 20th Feb. Obviously I had to have another scan 10 days later where they confirmed the pregnancy was not viable. This happened last Friday March 3rd and I booked in for the surgical management on Monday 6th at technically around 11 weeks. As I'd had no bleeding or symptoms the previous week's I thought for sure I'd get through the weekend but no such luck.

On Friday night I started to experience some cramping and light bleeding which got progressively worse over the weekend. On Saturday night I got only a few hours sleep but thought it had eased off until Sunday dinner time when I started to experience excruciating pain and the bleeding started to get heavier.

On Sunday night I finally managed to fall asleep for about 45 minutes before I woke up at 1am in complete agony. I felt as though the only place I was even remotely comfortable was sitting on the toilet as blood and clots were coming out of me and I could grip the towel rail when I needed to. I really thought I could try & handle it myself so I didn't wake up my partner until about an hour later when I couldn't take the pain & being alone any longer.

As soon as my partner joined me in the bathroom I was crying out uncontrollably, the pain was like nothing I've ever experienced before and blood was - for want of a better word - pouring out of me. I started vomiting and had a brief bout of diarrhea & then the blood started to fill the pads very quickly.

At 3am we called 111 and waiting 35 minutes for them to call back. In the meantime I was bleeding through pads in about 10 minutes. When they eventually called back they told me to go to a&e immediately. In the time I'd been on the phone to them i had bled through my pad, leggings, a towel and all over the floor.

I quickly changed and grabbed some bits including 2 old towels and we made our way to a&e. The journey took about 15 minutes and by the time we arrived I had once again bled through all my clothes and the towel, I could constantly feel blood pushing out of me although the worst of the pain seemed to have subsided.

When we got to the hospital the receptionists told me coldly it was a 6 hour wait to see the doctor. I immediately burst into tears and said "please, I'm bleeding through my clothes". As soon as she realised I was having a miscarriage she brought me through to a little room and let me sit on a chair whilst she fetched a doctor. By this point I was crying at the shock, pain & indignity of it all, sitting on an old towel that was now covered in my blood.

All the staff seemed genuinely shocked, there was blood everywhere I went and you could even see it on my ankles and on my white trainers.

Everyone was very kind and they soon took me to a bay to wait for the gynae doctor. I waited on the bed, just bleeding away until she arrived. I cannot explain the humiliation of finally taking off my clothes and the blood that had been collecting there just flowing out. When she examined me she said she needed to remove some clots that would help slow down the bleeding. She did this, putting everything in a big white container and sure enough the blood loss slowed down dramatically.

Eventually I was admitted to the ward and had surgery at 2pm the next day. I'm at home and healing but I think about it constantly.

Part of me desperately wants to try again but I am terrified of having to go through something like this again.

I'm also so angry that this just seems to be accepted as "normal", there is no explanation for what happened to me and it doesn't seem like something medical experts really get concerned about which is astonishing to me.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading & I really hope none of you have had a similar experience xx

Gosh what a terrifying and horrible experience, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I've had 3 miscarriages over the years and I know how heartbreaking it is and how conflicted it feels wanting to try again, but also being scared to try too. My advice would be to maybe speak to your GP to see if they can advise as to whether or not the amount you bled was something that need's investigating? I didn't experience the amount of blood loss you describe, but I only had 1 'natural' miscarriage and the others were medically managed and also everyone is different. I hope you get some answers. In the meantime, rest up and be kind to yourself.

@BebeSurprise I’m so sorry you experienced this you must be so traumatised, I feel like up to a certain point you’ve described my exact experience we found out we were expecting on 24/1 it was a surprise but we were delighted, same as you my symptoms went away and was told baby was measuring 2 weeks behind. I didn’t have any bleeding and had surgery, I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma you experienced, it’s bad enough as it is without that. 2 of my friends took the medical management route and described very similar experiences to you and like you felt fobbed off like it’s very normal to lose that amount of blood. I hope in time you’ll be ok, I feel so similar in that I am terrified of getting pregnant again I don’t even want to consider it incase it happens again. But day by day hopefully it will get easier. Look after yourself

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Reading this was like reading through my own experience, I had a miscarriage in January at 12 weeks, 2 days before we should have had our first scan. One thing you don't hear about is the blood, the amount of blood that, as you say, quite literally poured out in clots was something I was not prepared for. I didn't even have a pad in the house so you can imagine the horror of it. Mine came on very suddenly, I had a little bit of spotting in the morning but no cramping, then a few hours later the cramping started and just got worse and worse, along with the bleeding. It was like contractions, which I suppose it was really, coming in intense waves. I went to hospital soon after, there were so many clots I thought something over than the miscarriage must be happening. I felt the same humiliation when they asked me to take off joggers for the exam, I couldn't understand how they could do it with so much blood but they were so kind and made me feel as comfortable as possible.
It's been 2 months now and it does get easier, there are better days, but I would be lying if I said the pain of that day doesn't come back to me every single day, it does and the memories are still so fresh.
I'm so sorry that you went through a similar experience and hope my story makes you feel, if anything, less alone. It will get better for us all, and we stand united in our anger, grief and pain. Miscarriage is cruel but I'm trying to remember the love, the love I felt and feel for that little bean, the love that made that little bean, that's still there and always will be xx

This sounds very similar to my own experience many years ago. It’s so horrible. Do whatever you feel is important right now - for me it was getting a copy of my hospital notes saying that my babies (it was twins) existed and buying new clothes to replace the ones that were ruined.

Hi OP, I had a very similar experience in January and I just wanted to send my love to you. It’s such a horrible thing to go though, and like you I am angry it’s considered normal. I am personally annoyed that miscarriage isn’t something that midwives make you aware of, as I had made it to 12.5 weeks before I had mine. I saw my midwife at 8 weeks for an initial form filling in & chat, but paid for a private scan at 9 weeks. The scan showed I was only measuring 6 weeks, and I knew this wasn’t right due to dates of intercourse & pregnancy tests etc. I rang my midwife on the day of this scan and I was told to wait until my 12 week scan as this might be normal!! Luckily the private scan place were lovely and gave me a second scan a week later free of charge which unfortunately showed the same as the first, and I was able to fight with my midwife for a referral to the EPU at the hospital. But unfortunately, I started miscarrying naturally before they were able to determine it as a missed miscarriage and it was awful. I really wish my midwife had taken me seriously after my first scan so I didn’t have to go through that. Like you, it was a Friday night I started bleeding to the point i
couldnt get off the toilet but stupidly I left it almost 8 hours before ringing 111 as I thought it might of been normal. I hate asking for help but I wish I had sooner. It was only when I was almost passing out that I sought help.

it is such an awful thing to go through, please remember you are not alone and please take any time off that you are given. I ended up with 2 weeks sick leave as the miscarriage was incomplete, after all my trauma the sac remained so I opted for surgery and tbh, 7 weeks later I am still struggling but the 2 weeks off work helped me massively. Again, I am sending all of my love & hugs to you as it’s a horrible thing to experience :(

So sorry for your loss.
I had a similar experience in November after a MMC.
To be honest I think about it most days “I would have been 24 weeks today” or “it would be 12 weeks til I gave birth” so many what ifs go through your head and it’s awful.
I feel hypersensitive to pregnancy related posts, pregnancy announcements are horrendous even when you don’t know the person. The ugly thoughts/feelings when someone you love tells you they are pregnant are horrid too.
It’s just such a horrible thing to go through. This month was my first month of trying again and I felt utterly deflated when I woke up on Tuesday morning to my period.
I am also terrified at the thought of being pregnant again but want to start a family too. It’s very conflicting!
sending love to you all 💖