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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Pregnancy announcements

20 replies

virgo22 · 06/03/2023 19:48

I'm really struggling with pregnancy announcements at the minute. Last year I had two MC's. The first baby would have been due in March :(
My partner and I have decided to focus on achieving some other goals and focusing on our nearly two year old before we think about more children.
I do agree however there's a piece of me that hurts so bad because I would love another one. Just wondering if anyone can relate as I feel really alone x

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fajitaaaa · 06/03/2023 19:50

Allow yourself space for those "ugly" thoughts. You can't let them consume you but if you allow yourself 10 minutes when it's building up then back in the box for next week or two days time or whenever.

Essexgirlupnorth · 06/03/2023 19:58

Can totally relate having had secondary infertility and two miscarriages. Had to go and cry in the toilets at work after a colleague announced her pregnancy. Then found out it had taken her years of trying and IVF to conceive and felt like a complete bitch. Anyone who hasn't gone through it doesn't get it.

whippeywhippet · 06/03/2023 22:14

I completely understand this. My daughter was stillborn at 25weeks +1 and was also due next week. Now it seems that everyone around me is announcing pregnancies and it makes me so sad. I try and be happy for them but it really hurts. It also makes me anxious about the long road we have ahead. For some reason I try and justify it in my head 'oh they had ivf so deserve their pregnancy' or 'she lost her father young so everything needs to go well' it's a very weird place to be but you're not alone x

Original poster

virgo22 · 07/03/2023 07:23

@Essexgirlupnorth ah I know the feeling. It makes my heart sink - even though I'm so happy for the person as you never know other peoples struggles! Doesn't make it any easier though does it :(

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Original poster

virgo22 · 07/03/2023 07:25

@whippeywhippet I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through 💔 I think when dates are in the back of your mind it makes it even harder when certain milestones crop up. You also deserve a healthy pregnancy as much as anyone else x
I feel so the same with the road ahead it's a scary thought of the unknown.
Sending love and you're not alone xx

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Skyblue22 · 08/03/2023 08:34

I'm the same. I lost my baby at 17 weeks recently, and I can't deal with anyone's pregnancy announcements, photos of bumps or baby showers. It just reminds me how naive I was to be excited. I think part of me is also a bit jealous because if I ever get pregnant again, I know it will be filled with anxiety and not excitement.

It's a really hard place to be in and I think there's no wrong way to feel when we've been through so much. Sending hugs to everyone xxx

Eggling · 09/03/2023 20:47

I totally get it too @virgo22, I had three ivf embryo losses last year and just had a miscarriage, my first baby would have been due in a few days and I have two friends about to give birth any day, then had another two announce pregnancies, the latest just tonight. It's so so hard, isn't it, seeing it happen so easily for other people and wondering why it can't happen like that for us. I also have an almost 2 year old and trying to focus on her, as the last year has been somewhat overshadowed by loss, but I'm also just desperate to be pregnant again and have another baby.

Original poster

virgo22 · 10/03/2023 07:13

@Eggling I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through it's just heartbreaking 💔 and so hard when you deep down know you want another so bad. I don't think we will be able try again for a while now as my OH is definitely not ready due to all the heartache. Sending lots of love and thank you for sharing your story, it definitely makes me feel less alone x

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Original poster

virgo22 · 10/03/2023 07:18

@Skyblue22 oh I'm so so sorry to hear that. I know exactly what you mean about feeling so naive. It makes me feel really jealous of those people who get to feel excited from when they get a positive test as I know it will just be a constant worry again for me.
Always here to chat xx

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Capricorn93 · 15/03/2023 19:22

I am feeling the same. I had a MC back in September. I would have been due at the end of March and now all I am seeing everywhere are pregnancy announcements and I am happy for them as it is a very exciting but at the same time all I want to do is scream and say that's amazing but I am still grieving here but I don't I keep my mouth shut and just cry when I'm alone

99SR · 16/03/2023 21:10

i can totally relate to this! Had a MC in Nov last year and still struggling with the ugly thoughts. Two of my best friends told me they were pregnant this week and the thought of going through this for years terrifies me. I just want to be pregnant again :(
hope you’re doing ok! 💞

Original poster

virgo22 · 16/03/2023 22:03

@Capricorn93 I'm sorry to hear you're going through this too. It's just utterly heartbreaking and a constant worry. Sending love x

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Original poster

virgo22 · 16/03/2023 22:05

@99SR it's so tough isn't it - although I'm happy for other people it makes me think, we'll why did it have to happen to me, twice. It's sad that they're apparently so common but not enough people talk about them so it's so easy to feel alone. Thank you for commenting and sharing x

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BlueMumma2018 · 23/03/2023 20:07

I get it. It’s comforting to read that there are others out there experiencing the same, it can feel so lonely.

I lost an ivf baby in October. 3 of my friends made their announcements in the following months after and are waiting for their babies to be born now. I have become so numb to the feeling now but also sick of having reminders so close to home all the time. I have to say if it wasn’t for the constant reminders I feel like I would have been able to move on more

Capricorn93 · 23/03/2023 20:09

@BlueMumma2018 I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I know what you mean about the constant reminders. It definitely makes it harder.

Formaddict · 26/03/2023 19:22

I am sorry for all your losses 💐

I have a friend who I think is pregnant. She doesn’t know anything about my losses as I find them too hard to share with lots of people. I am so desperate to be happy for her but there is a ugly green eyed monster in me that is so envious of her.
I think I find it particularly upsetting as we live opposite ends of the UK, so we don’t see them much, and I have a feeling that they will not make an announcement, they will just let us find out for ourselves when we do next meet up ( they have a history of doing things like this).

I just wanted to pop on this thread and say I makes me feel a little bit better knowing I am not alone in feeling this way.

99SR · 27/03/2023 07:55

@Formaddict its so hard isn’t it! One of my family members asked to meet up with me (knew something was a miss right away) and she told me she was expecting. She said she would rather do it face to face which I found so difficult as I didn’t have time to process the news I just had to pretend I was over the moon (I was but the initial shock was hard to mask). Managed to smile away etc then as soon as I got in my car I cried. Was still excited for her but also sad for me.
I hope if they do tell you, you’ve had time to process it first. Hope you’re ok xx

Emmamoo89 · 27/03/2023 07:59

I've recently had my 4th chemical. Previously have a missed miscarriage and a chemical till I got my rainbow baba. He's one next week so going to concentrate on him and try again in 6 months time. X

Emmamoo89 · 27/03/2023 07:59

Hope you're okay x

Original poster

virgo22 · 27/03/2023 11:04

@Emmamoo89 so sorry to hear about your experiences too.
I'm constantly torn between focusing on the now and my LO now, and waiting a few years before trying again.
But then some days I just think I'm desperate to have another one so why wait.
It's a constant battle between the two, and part of me knows that when we do decide to try again, it's not promised to be a smooth journey like the last two times :( x

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