Third miscarriage - numb and broken

[Greenvelvetdress]

Just found out I've had my third missed miscarriage. Had a scan at 8 weeks which showed a heartbeat (our previous two hadn't) and then a repeat scan at 10 weeks showed the baby had died just days before...

Just feel completely numb and empty. Can't motivate myself to do anything, just lay looking at MN and staring at the ceiling. Also dreading the next part as I can't have the surgical option due to past medical history.

Just need a hug and someone who understands please.

I’m so sorry for your loss :(
I don’t really have any advice but didn’t want to read and run

I am so sorry OP, the world can be so cruel sometimes.

If its reassuring at all, if you're in the UK, they should now look into why this is happening.

Be kind to yourself xx

Thanks both 💕 I just find it so difficult that one moment you're pregnant and then the next they're basically tell you your not 💔

@Greenvelvetdress Sending you hugs. I recently had a MMC and I can relate to how you feel. Hugs and good wishes to you x

It’s shit. 💐

@Greenvelvetdress i'm so sorry you're going through this 😔
Sending you lots of strength to get through this time xx

I am so sorry OP. The world is brutal and unfair sometimes. I had a surgical MMC and I was surprised at how much it affected me. I felt guilty, sad, drained. I personally think you should take as much time as you need just relaxing and not feeling the need to be productive, and if that is staring at the ceiling and scrolling MN then go for it. I'm really sorry x x x x x x x

I am sorry for your loss.

Give yourself time and don't worry about taking time to heal, if that means endless hours staring at a ceiling, so be it.

You won't always feel this bad and I hope you are feeling supported irl 🌹

Thanks all 💕 you've made me feel not so alone at a really lonely time. Going to the hospital this morning so I can get the medicines as nothing has happened yet 😔

Just wanted to say, you’re not alone on that. I’ve just discovered my 3rd mmc, and it’s horrible wondering why.

hopefully the physical side of things was okay and the emotional side of things too, eventually.

stay strong x

So sorry to hear that @Kappi. I got referred to prof Quenby in Coventry and she's been brilliant, her waiting list was only 10 weeks long and you can be referred to anyone in the country. Sending you lots of hugs and thinking of you x

Thank you for the reply!
I think I’ll give that a go - assuming that’s Nhs - don’t have the funds for private really.

hope you are as well as anyone can be - given everything! X

@Kappi just to add to what a PP said, I also got referred to Prof Quenby (it is NHS), and saw her at the end of June (it was a 10 week wait for me too). Since, at the time of referral, I didn't know how long the wait list would be for her, I also asked my GP for a referral to my local recurrent miscarriage clinic. This week I got the appt through for that - for Jan 2024 😕 So, I would definitely recommend you request to see Prof Quenby. FYI below is the referral process - good luck x

"Professor Quenby runs the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic for ladies who have suffered two or more miscarriages. This can be accessed via a GP referral using the E-referral Service. It is an NHS clinic based at University Hospital Coventry, under Gynaecology. Alternately, you can be referred by a Consultant at another Trust or specialist at a Fertility Centre by letter."

@Rabbitjungle1 thank you, that’s really helpful. I think after this thread I will look into it. The GP said she’s happy to refer - I think sooner the better get the ball rolling there.

it seems Prof Quenby is a bit of a celebrity in this world! Hopefully she can help us! X

@Kappi no problem! I also felt incredibly low after my third MMC, but since meeting with Prof. Quenby I can say I feel tentatively hopeful again. I didn't get answers, per se, but I did get some clear next steps to focus on. And feeling like I was being understood and listened to, and that there's someone who wants to get to the bottom of the issue, even if it takes time, feels reassuring.

Wishing you all the best with this going forward 🤞 And in the immediate term, take good care of yourself 🩷

Sending big hugs, I had seven miscarriages and now have two sons.
I'm sure everything will be okay in the end. X

@Greenvelvetdress how are you feeling now? X

Physically a lot better but it took 2 months and four lots of medical management for me.

Mentally, a bit up and down... Also got a lot of other things on. Saw Dr Quenby and got a diagnosis of antiphospholipid syndrome which she has given me a treatment plan for. On one hand I'm really pleased to have something to change when TTC but on the other hand it's just another thing isn't it, I think just getting my head around it all.

How are you doing?

Very sorry to hear this.
Anecdotally - get yourself on vitamin d supplements if you aren't already. I had 3 miscarriages in a row but vit D sorted me.

@Greenvelvetdress gosh, you must be exhausted ❤️

Like you say, seeing prof. Quenby has found you a piece of the puzzle and as a result you have a plan for when you go into it all again.

take the time you need to regroup - there’s no right way to feel is there, just ride each wave of emotion

Im still waiting to pass this pregnancy, unfortunately too small to be offered medical management without a second scan next week. Once I’ve had that, I can choose medical or surgery. I’m not sure what to do - not had surgery before, worried about the risks. (Im a chronic over thinker for things like that!)

then it’s the wait time see if genetic testing comes back with anything - and hopefully see what the clinic offers next. Might look into prof Quenbys clinic as reading she’s lovely and gets it.

What a hideous journey this all is! X

I am so sorry for your loss OP. This is a horrid journey. I recently had a loss to and it hits you hard where it hurts most. Sending you hugs and best wishes.

@IndiganDop ah yeah I've always taken Vit D.

So sorry to hear that @Kappi - I had surgery for my second miscarriage but unfortunately it caused Ashermans syndrome which is scarring on the uterus which I then needed to GA's to try get rid of it. I was told not to have surgery again hence why I had 4 x medical management.

Dr Quenby was excellent and well worth the journey for us, we live about 2-3 hours away from Coventry.

@Greenvelvetdress sorry to hear that - Ashermans must have added an extra layer of stress for you!

I do worry about that, given I've had medical management before and although it's been horrible and painful - I know what to expect and the Ashermans isn't a risk. I appreciate there are others however.

I think I will stick with medical. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. You're incredible for handling 4 repeated medicals.

I'm definitely going to pursue the referral to Coventry - hearing many positives. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, I feel like I'm not best placed to give advice but sending you hugs and all the best wishes for the future!