I am now 40 (and a half).
I had 3 miscarriages in 2020, the first at 7 weeks, the other 2 between 5 and 6 weeks. After which I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, had various tests but no answers.
My ex and I broke up in 2021 and I met a wonderful man just over a year ago. He also has a history of unexplained infertility with his ex wife and they were sadly never able to get pregnant.
Both being very aware of my/our age (he’s 43) but also only having been together for a year we spoke about trying this year. With our histories we prepared for it being a long shot that we would ever conceive and discussed alternative routes to becoming parents.
However a few weeks into January I found out I was pregnant!
At what I thought was 6 weeks I started spotting, and was given an early scan to confirm the location of the pregnancy so that I could start taking progesterone which I had been recommended. The scan showed a baby only measuring 5 weeks so I was told to come back in a week but to start the progesterone, which I did and the spotting stopped and the follow up scan much to my shock showed a little heartbeat! I was 6 weeks and 4 days.
I was offered a reassurance scan by the Dr at the recurrent miscarriage clinic 2 weeks later. I was feeling pretty tired, had waves of nausea but no sickness, and my boobs were getting bigger by the day, there was no sign anything was wrong. Although I had the niggle of worry in the back of my mind, with no indication for concern I was hopeful the scan would be fine. It was however a complete shambles - the dr couldn’t find a heartbeat, but said the baby was the right size so maybe it was just in a position where she couldn’t find it. I was told to come back for a follow up in 10 days.
Instead I called pregnancy support again and they were appalled and said since they found a heartbeat before there should be one now and I was told to come in first thing the following day for a scan. That confirmed what I knew in my gut - the heart had stopped beating.
That was a week ago and I spent this weekend in hospital for a medically managed miscarriage in the hope that they can test tissue and maybe give us some answers. My body refused to cooperate but after 2 full days of treatment I passed what I’m pretty sure was the sac a few hours after I got home and was able to collect it for testing. I’ve been told not to expect much in the way of answers but at least I feel like I’m doing something productive.
I originally started writing this post in the hope of hearing some reassuring stories of women my age in my position going on to have healthy pregnancies. However, instead I just want to tell my story so anyone else who is in the same/similar position can maybe take some comfort from knowing you’re not alone.
Also to say I haven’t given up hope, primarily as a result of a very interesting discussion I had with a nurse at pregnancy support while going through all the papers for the medical management.
Although this has happened to me 4 times now I’m effectively starting again this time as 50% of the contributing factors are different, and with my age it’s pretty much 50/50 in any pregnancy so I’m hopeful that means next time it will be fine. A 58% chance of success the nurse told me - and having been in the 1% I’m hopeful of those odds!
My love to everyone who’s ever had to deal with this, no doubt in silence and in secret with a brave face for the rest of the world. It really sucks, look after yourselves!