There was no baby in my scan

[BambiBooBoo]

I had a scan yesterday due to some bleeding (brown/ pink spotting)
I was 6weeks2 and was expecting to see a baby and a heartbeat as I did with my DS at exactly 6weeks2

There was no baby.

They can see a "pregnancy" but no baby.

I feel absolutely rancid today. Sick, nauseas, funny stomach, hot flashes and generally ill and down.
I have to wait a week feeling like this just to see if I will naturally pass the pregnancy.

I just can't wrap my head and heart around the fact I'm pregnant but there's no baby.

This is my 3rd loss. (2 before my son)
Please don't say I'm "lucky to have 1 successful pregnancy and child" as many others have said to me. That doesn't make losing another any easier.

I'm upset as we planned the time to conceive so we'd have this "baby" 1 month before my son turns 2 so we'd have 2 under 2. As that's what we wanted. And I don't want to have 2 kids with the same birth month.

My midwife won't answer my questions or explain anything properly. It's just "I'm so sorry"

• no I don't want sympathy from YOU, I want the facts and my questions answered. I'm asking for medical terms and solutions (eg D&C ect)

The only person who knows about this is DH as I didn't want to tell MIL and FIL as they were so upset seeing me go through 2 MC in a row. Then when I was pregnant with DS they said they couldn't be happy yet as they didn't want to see me so hurt over another potential loss.
And DH is an emotionally closed off person so he doesn't understand. And says "just don't think about it. Don't get down. Don't get upset" and that's not what I need to hear.

Sorry for the rambling 😩
Picture of my scan

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I've been where you are - miscarriage when you already have a child and it's painful.

I had bleeding at 10 weeks and they scanned to see baby had no fetal pole. I was told my options were wait and see if I pass the pregnancy naturally / take pills to induce it / d&c.

I chose d&c as I needed to know it was done. But that's just me.

The surgery itself was under general anaesthetic and was very quick. For me it was physically painless - emotionally very hard but you'll know that you're facing that struggle anyway.

Sadly - and I'm sure you will know this from your previous losses - we don't usually get answers for first trimester losses. Whether it's because there's no funding / research or it really is just too early for them to know why. It's hideous because the only thing you want - other than your baby back - is some sort of answer or explanation. Your feelings are so valid and so normal. You aren't alone.

Have a good cry, a rant, talk / don't talk - whatever works for you whilst you grieve the loss of your baby and the life you had pictured with them.

If you have specific d&c questions I'm happy to try and answer them xx

OP your anger is totally valid. I hear you about the medical professionals having nothing to say about it. It's your 3rd loss , why shouldn't you be being given some answers or at least some plan to start investigating.
I was listening to a woman who written a book on this very thing. The fact that there's very little research into why Woman miscarriage and its very much accepted and managed as one of thise things that you just need to accept. But why?

I had the same thing happen to me. It felt so incredibly unfair that I was still feeling so very sick when I wasn't really pregnant.

Mine didn't pass naturally so I ended up having pills the day before I started a new job. It went relatively easily, the pain wasn't so bad.

All the best, whatever happens.

It’s horrendous. I had similar a few months ago and it’s utterly heartbreaking. I was lucky if you can call it that In that my heavy bleeding started on it’s own and the loss resolved itself so There was no intervention except blood tests and a scan to make sure all was clear. I did have to do home pregnancy tests at home two weeks after to make sure it was negative which honestly was probably the worst part of all. It felt so wrong and mentally nearly broke me as you are still living in hope in the back of your mind even though it’s pretty hopeless! It’s so so hard op, and it’s one of those things that you always feel sad thinking of what could have been! I got the at least you have another child comment and it’s so unhelpful. Nobody having a loss wants to hear that! I chose also to only tell a few very close friends but not my family as I knew I would be given unhelpful comments from them so just saved myself from it as much as I could. One thing that did help was a good friend had also lost a baby recently and I found comfort in that she knew how it felt. I also told my manager which was the best decision I could have made as I needed a week off and she was extremely understanding and sympathetic as she had experienced similar and knew how miserable it was. If I could go back I would have actually taken an extra week off because although I was ok physically, mentally I was a bit of a mess still and I think I would have felt better had I of allowed myself that.
its such a painful time, and you need to be so kind to yourself and as the above poster said allow yourself to grieve!

I’m so sorry. I am going through similar and I have finally taken the step to reach out to a counselling service the EPU have given me access to as the days seem to be getting harder rather than easier. My advice would be to make sure you are well supported through this difficult time. I hope we get our rainbow babies soon

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. Nothing anyone can say will take away the pain - unfortunately it's just something you have to go through, but then you unfortunately also know that all too well, having already suffered loss before.

All I would gently say is that I don't think it's helpful or healthy to try and plan pregnancy as much as you had - you say you're upset because you wanted a baby in a specific month, and you don't want a baby in another specific month. And that's obviously your right to hope for that. But that's a lot of pressure on top of the normal pressures of early pregnancy, and that just means more pressure for you to have to bear. I do understand planning for a second child, and most of us have thoughts about the type of age gap we would prefer, but placing so much emphasis on that date only strengthens your feelings now and the pressure on when you will next conceive. Don't torture yourself like that. I had a loss after my DD and it meant we won't have the 'ideal' age gap we would have first chosen, but I then took off that pressure and it helped me a great deal. I'm luckily half way through my pregnancy for DC2, and I desperately hope you manage to conceive again. But for now, just focus on being kind to yourself and looking after yourself as best you can

Hi @BambiBooBoo so sorry you are going through this. I'm currently going through similar, scan at 6 weeks showing the start of a feral pole but no heartbeat, scan at 8 weeks only 2 sacs and nothing else. I'm currently waiting to see if anything happens (I doubt it will I've had a missed miscarriage before and it didn't resolve itself naturally). It's frustrating as I still am getting nausea, headaches am putting on weight etc. Have you been referred to the EPU yet? They will be able to discuss your options with you. I had the surgical option last year under general anaesthetic and am booked in again for Friday if nothing happens, happy to answer any questions if you have them. But I sympathise, having to wait while you feel shit is crap xxx

It’s called a blighted ovum, it’s where the baby either never develops or stips developing really early and kind of dissolves, by the time you get bleeding there’s just an empty sac.

I had two empty sacs! And was 14 weeks when I started bleeding. Had to have surgery to get them out.

one thing that made me feel
better is that realistically there was never a baby /babies in there. Nothing to mourn except the loss of what I thought was there. If this happened at 6 weeks then there was prob any never an embryo.

it can be horrible though and it doesn’t mean you wont have more, I had 3 babies after it happened to me.

My 2nd MC resolved itself. My 1st one I went with the medical management of pills. That sent me to A&E via ambulance with blood literally pouring everywhere and the "baby" dropping between my legs when I stood. I thought it was done with- pregnancy tests went to negative.
2 weeks later I collapsed screaming in sudden pain when my "period" started.

Rushed to A&E again by ambulance in blue lights. Turns out there was retained pregnancy even tho tests were negative. Then had a D&C

So I can't go for the pills again. I've so fucking traumatised from the first time.
Especially as they said I wouldn't see anything. Just blood and clots. The lied.
I saw more than I need to - and I'll never forget that.

So im going to have to go straight for D&C again this time.

EPU are the ones who scanned me. But are "too busy" to give me any information/ talk to me about my questions or options.

It is sad. And three miscarriages thats hard to handle. Maybe you could get in touch with a miscarriage support association. I think I would do that in your position.,

I am so sorry. I also had 3 losses (2 between my first and second child). I also had a D&C on loss number 3 that didn’t work and had to be done again. It’s unspeakably awful and it feels like no one is listening to you or giving you proper answers.

My only advice is to give yourself time to process the grief. I never did as I was so laser focused on having a second child, trying again etc. I was eventually successful but it took a long time. When DC2 started school I had a breakdown when the grief (plus probably peri menopause)hit me.

I hope you’re able to have this dealt with in the best way for you x

How are you doing @BambiBooBoo ?xx

I'm 7weeks pregnant now! Turns out they just had my dates wrong and falsely told me I was having a miscarriage when I wasn't. Saw baby and heartbeat on Tuesday 💕💕I feel very relieved

Oh my god that's amazing, so happy for you, what a relief!xx

@Enigma85 thank you! I'm so relieved too- but talk about stressing me out!! X

@BambiBooBoo omg that's so wonderful, congratulations that must be the biggest relief of your life! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby.

@38andtrying thank you!! X

Could it be too early?

I went for a 6 week scan and they saw a sac but no baby, I had some bleeding.

They told me to wait a week and come back.

Week later they could see DS.

I couldn't understand it as I was TTC so charted my OV and everything. The dates made no sense. But he was there.

@Holibobbins - yes, I went back a week later and I got to see baby with their heartbeat 💕