Miscarriage & Social anxiety

[MamaW05]

Hi all

has anyone else experienced this?

I had two miscarriages at 12 weeks last year. Particularly since the second, I’ve massively struggled socially. Even with a small group of close friends who are nothing but supportive, I feel anxious, and it’s really hard work, like being sat next to someone you don’t really know at a function! I just feel so disconnected from anyone.
this is even if there is no talk of pregnancy/babies/anything triggering. I do have groups where large numbers are pregnant/due near my due dates and that I understand and generally steer clear, but I can’t see any reason for me to be socially anxious around close friends with no triggers?
I feel utterly isolated despite good support. I feel I’ve lost the ability to function socially x

I understand completely. You've gone through something traumatic (and twice too) and you are still processing what's happened. It sounds like you are having trouble simply feeling 'normal' in the face of everything. After my miscarriage last year and subsequent follow up (it was quite complicated) I sort of did the opposite to you, I tried to seem as normal as possible, as I found that being in anyway 'different' marked me out from other people, especially all my other friends who had been pregnant and had babies. This was my coping strategy, but one that also did not help me, as I always came away feeling both too vulnerable and like I had somehow been untrue to myself. I also know too that the moments I have felt the lowest (not miscarriage-related just other points in my life) are also when I feel like I lose all social abilities too. But I promise you do regain it! If you feel isolated because of bad things that have happened it is really hard to reach across that gap, especially if others haven't been through it. Maybe can you take a little time to yourself for a while, or see some people one-on-one? I know meeting with one friend in particular really helped me in the aftermath last year. You've got to allow yourself to feel shit about this though, because it just is shit, and your situation sounds really really hard. You will feel more like yourself in the future - this is only temporary. Sending you lots of strength

I completely understand op and I felt the same way. I didn't want to be around anyone as I didn't feel safe. What I mean was I didn't know if someone would say anything and I was always scared I'd burst into tears at any point.

I had one or two safe people but that was it. It got a lot better in time and I feel normal now.

Totally get this OP, I was so close to having a full blown panic attack when in a gallery with other people last week. I had to make a run for the exit which is not something I’ve ever experienced before.
I’m not sure how to resolve it, we’ve been through trauma and it takes a toll.
Be kind and patient with yourself, I hope you start feeling better soon

@AnotherStory23 @SMG1992 @freezingpompoms thank you so much for your replies! I feel so understood. I’m sorry we’re connecting in sad circumstances xx
I relate so much to everything you have all said. The world in general doesn’t feel safe, I’m scared of what will happen if someone brings its up, and on the other hand if it’s not mentioned it feels like a huge elephant in the room (for me, my last loss was in Oct and I’m aware it won’t feel like that for anyone else!)
I’ll continue seeing a few people one on one as that is definitely easier and hope I feel more normal soon. On top of feeling socially awkward it’s hard not to worry about it but I agree just need to be kind to myself and work through it xx

I know it's a cliche but honestly time will help so much. I didn't think I'd ever be the same again but I do feel like my old self now.

I know what you mean about the elephant in the room. I had one friend who never brought it up and I was so angry inside with her. Obviously she just didn't know what to say and didn't want to offend me.

On the other hand I had friends who did bring it up and I was so angry that they dared to address it knowing how upset I'd be.

Nobody could do or say the right thing. That's the nature of the situation. Do you have at least one safe person you can just relax with ?

@freezingpompoms omg yes. No one really seems to have the right thing to say but if it’s not mentioned I feel like everyone’s forgotten and 4 months on assume I’m over it.
I do and it’s completely my own thoughts as no one has ever said anything but I feel like a bit of a one track record talking about it still and really what is there left to say.
on the plus side I managed a lunch with newborns this weekend that overall I enjoyed but yeh just feels like that’s a small moment of joy whilst accepting my fate of long term sadness now, even though I know that’s not true. You truly can’t understand it unless you’ve lived it x

That's why Mumsnet is a godsend as you are never alone here.

I hope everyone is feeling a bit better and dealing with their anxiety the best they can.
I had a bit of a meltdown at Sunday lunch with family this weekend. I was having a glass of wine and then suddenly felt so overwhelmed by the situation that I had to run to the bathroom to burst into tears.
My head is a bit of a mess right now after I initially though I was doing better, I'm 5 weeks post MMC at the moment so still early days.

@SMG1992 5 weeks is such early days. You are doing well to see anyone so don't be too hard on yourself.