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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Miscarriage no 2 and fed up

18 replies

Shellyedin · 05/02/2008 11:55

Hi Everyone

My name is Shelly and I am currently going through my second miscarriage. I had a miscarriage 2 yrs ago and only recently did we decide to try again.

The first pregnancy I got to 8 1/2 weeks. This time round I got to 6 weeks. This pregnancy I was sick thou and took that as a positive sign that things were going to be ok.

I went on holiday with my husband, came back and started to get dark spotting, I knew immediately that I was going to have another mc and this was confirmed when I attended the hospital on Friday.

I don't know where to go from here, I am 37 so time is not really on my side, I have polycystic ovaries and started to take clomid when I conceived the second time. I am looking for advice on what my GP could do for me. I also got an electric shock on holiday around the 6 weeks time and wondered if this has had something to do with it. I am beginning to wonder what is wrong with me no-one seems to understand or want to really help.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

Shelly

OP posts:

cosima · 05/02/2008 12:01

so sorry for you, I had two mcs and now i am 39 weeks pg. I am 37 next month too. I know from experience that other people saying 'i had a mc and now I'm pg' can be not really good indication, cos it doesn't prove that you will have a successful pg yourself, and you won't believe it till it happens. I won't be content infact til my baby is out next week and i can see that its okay. BUT I wanted to say that the only option is to keep thinking positively. I had psychotherapy for this and also went to the jeryani birth centre in london for reflexology and concieved that day! don't worry about the age. Plenty of my friends are around 38-40 and trying for their first or second babies. HTH

cosima · 05/02/2008 12:02

I forgot to mention i also have a 7cm diameter ovarian cyst which could have also been a factor in the mc, but can't be removed till i have completed my family.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/02/2008 12:02

I have had 2 m/c too so can understand your pain. I am so sorry for you.

Could you visit your GP and ask for advice?

I hope to see you posting with a PPT very soon.

justabouttotakeadeepbreath · 05/02/2008 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Shellyedin · 05/02/2008 12:09

I want to go to my GP but don't know exactly what they will do for me with it only being two mc. The hospital say they wont start testing until you have had 3 mc which I find unbelievable.

I think once the bleeding calms down I am going to go to my GP and insist on some tests being carried out as I can't go on like this not knowing if there is something wrong with me.

Thanks for your comments guys and Cosima I know exactly how you feel about being worried until the baby is safely in your arms my mum said that to me and she is so right. I hope everything goes ok for you.

OP posts:

bethoo · 05/02/2008 12:18

Shelley - i do not think they will do anything for you as you have only had 2 miscarriages. it is not classed as a recurrent m/c problem unless you have 3 in a row i am afraid. it sounds harsh but the only way yor are going to get noticed is if you conceive again and you never know it could work out. if you lose it again then you know that it will have to be investigated. i hope it is not horrid advice, i had two m/c in a row and it became obsession to get pregnant again and all through out the pregnancy i worried that it would go wrong.

millie865 · 05/02/2008 13:56

Hi Shelly. It's shit isn't it? I've just had my second miscarriage. I'll be 38 next month and like you I'm worried about how much time I have. No advice really, just sympathy. The reason they don't test before three miscarriages is that it is so common that two miscarriages aren't really a sign that something is wrong.

I've decided to try again straight away. I know some people prefer to wait, but I don't think I have that option to be honest.
Good luck

scotlass · 05/02/2008 16:26

Hi Shelly
I'm another one who can completely empathise. I miscarried whilst in disneyworld Florida July 2007 (was 7 weeks)then got pg in November 2007, was a nervous wreck until sadly I had a small bleed two weeks ago, got scanned 2 days later at 11+ weeks and was told the baby had died at 9wks - gutted. My GP was kind trying to reassure me it would be unlikely that it would happen twice but you can't help but be apprehensive. After this one I got great support from the EPU and the MW did take mine and DH's bloods. I told them in no uncertain terms there was no way I could go through another pregnancy without the boxes being ticked of answers we could get. I'm 35, have a DD8 and who knows if it's age, a virus I had over new year or a problem with the baby. We'll never know for sure but as I said already I didn't want to go through this for a third time and find it was something that could have been easily prevented.

Can you ring your local early pregnancy unit and talk to them? I definately found them to be a lot more understanding than the GP. They also made me aware I can turn to them for support if I am lucky enough to conceive again.

Fingers crossed for all of us.

Original poster

Shellyedin · 05/02/2008 17:16

Hi everyone

I have been using the services of the EPU in my home town. I need to see them again on Thursday afternoon where they will scan me to see if I have have a complete on my own or they take blood and send me in for a D & C on the friday which has already been booked. I find EPU good for advice while going through MC but don't think they can help going forward they will just say try again but all of you know how horrible it is to get pregnant and then have the physical and emotional pain of yet another mc. The EPC offer anyone who has had a previous mc a scan at 8 1/2 weeks. When I went to see my GP when I first found out I was pregnant I asked about getting a scan early due to previous MC and they said "no we don't do that" I don't think GP's are all that clued up and EPU was going to write to my GP and advise that they offer this service. I feel I need to do something like blood tests for hormone levels etc and if I can't get it on NHS I will just have to go private but I will kick up a stink with MP's etc. I said to my husband I feel we are flushing our babies down the toilet as that is the reality of what is happening here and I think for a third time it is not necessary to go through that if some simple tests can help or provide reassurance.

OP posts:

cosima · 05/02/2008 17:20

i went to the epu for three scans before i was even 12 weeks. They were very understanding and i needed that constant reassurance. i would have gone every week if i could

darlingbuddy · 05/02/2008 20:36

Hi Shelly, I've had 2 mcs too, and am galloping towards 41 and have signs of early menopause. I found the EPU at my local hospital fantastic - get the feeling they would have let me go in every day for a scan if it had made me feel better! After the first mc my GP put me on to them, and they were just amazing. When i got pregnant again, i skipped the GP and went straight to them! It is very disappointing to have the second mc, as after the first everyone says you will be fine, not to worry etc. We have started the adoption process as the specialist thinks i am unlikely to conceive again. The important thing for us it that we have a family, however we arrive at it. My thoughts go with you if you decide to go for a third try - you are very brave and I wish you all the best of luck for a successful pregnancy.

scotlass · 05/02/2008 20:47

shelly I completely agree, the EPU told me to phone them as soon as I have a +ve test (in a way their optimism helped) and they would scan at 6wks, 8wks and then they told me to ask for scans at whatever frequency would be reassuring. My GP didn't tell me anything about their service either despite saying he would ask if they could offer an early scan due to my ist mc (my date for my booking scanfor 2nd pg came through the day I got told the baby had died - ironic).

I too found the option of being given little other choice than to get pregnant again then wait and see too painful and I think that's why they took our bloods while getting blood taken the day before my ERPC. Obviously the bloods may not show anything and I hope that's the case but as you say some help or reassurance is at least something. Don't know about you but I felt completely terrified every time I went to the toilet (hourly) in case I was bleeding between the 7 - 11 wks.

Original poster

Shellyedin · 06/02/2008 11:27

Hi Scotlass

When I got preg the second time we had been trying for a few months. I got a ppt on 1.1.08 and my husband and I thought what a great start to the new year. We had booked a holiday leaving on 13th Jan to Cuba and I was a bit worried as my first mc happened after we flew home from a oz holiday. While away I was so worried about the food and like you everytime I went to the toilet I was worried I was worried about my boobs not being as sore and I did pick up on this and said to my husband on holiday but we thought nothing of it. I was still being sick after I got home from holiday and just can't get my head round why this has happened again.

I think we are going to try again straight away but I am really really worried. I kick myself also thinking why have I left things so late for a family but life can't be full of regrets things are just very hard just now with bleeding etc and rattling round this house......

OP posts:

cadelaide · 06/02/2008 11:31

I'm sorry for your loss Shellyedin.
Regarding the electric shock, I had one when I was a few weeks pregnant and baby was fine. Don't know any research/statistics though.

scotlass · 06/02/2008 14:02

Shelly, if it helps I too can't get my head round it happening for a second time. I too had flown both times and am now taking a ferry on our summer holiday in case- daft I know as there's no proof flying does anything. Florida was sad cos it was a long awaited holiday and my DD8 absolutely loved it. My heart was breaking and my parents and best friends didn't know I was pg so it was stressfull. To get to 11+ weeks the second time I was beginning to feel more positive cos like you I had loads of strong pg symptoms (nausea, massive boobs, tiredness). Although I have my daughter and I know how lucky I am I too kick myself for leaving it late to get her a brother and sister (the thing she asks for daily), it's breaking my heart. The only thing I can say 2 weeks down the line is that there seems to be a lot of people on these boards who were once in our position and are now proud parents. I really hope it works out well for you and your husband and it sounds like you are ready to try again. We are going to try again too but my DH is in the army and we only see each other for 4 days a month so it may take us longer!!

Once your bleeding has settled and time goes by the rawness will pass and you'll get back into your life. We'll never forget our precious babies but there'll be double the love for the next one. It's just so hard isn't it.

kd73 · 07/02/2008 17:27

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to sympathise with you all.

I had 2nd m/c last month, having found out 2 days before flying that I was infact pregnant.

The worry of a m/c on holiday was terrible and have since agonised whether the flight, a fall I had and/or if I could have prevented it from happening. But ultimately the pregnancy failed and whilst I would have paid a million bucks for a different outcome, it was ultimately outside of my control.

Despite the devastation, I am ok and I will be ok and one day, if I am fortunate enough I will have child of my own - as will you

wildwind · 11/02/2008 11:58

So Sorry Shelley,

Second time is devastaing as you know you have to do it again. The wait is agonising and no test before third m/c - as other posters already said.

Hope all the best for you.

Am also 37, had two m/c December 2006, August 2007. Now p/g again, (slight bleed yesterday.

You may find that your ability to hope for the best is diminished. I sincerely hope that you get better soon and it works out for you.

We are considering adoption if we cannot make our own.

big virtual hug

Original poster

Shellyedin · 14/02/2008 21:01

Hi everyone

Just throught I would drop another wee post to everyone here to thank you all for your support. I am back at work now and did not have to have a D & C after my hospital visit as my body had miscarried naturally on its own.

I still feel very gutted about what has happened and find it even harder with all the pregnant women around and wonder if I will every go full term.

I have decided next time that I am giving up work completely and resting especially for the first three months all I can do is hope that rest and giving it everything that maybe the outcome will be a bit more successful.

I hope you are all doing ok, hang in there everyone. :-)

OP posts:

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