Miscarriage and dealing with the loss

[theodora2146]

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in November 2022. I'm still struggling to deal with the loss, and still cry most days.

It was pretty horrible, excruciating pain and lots bleeding. Physically I'm fine but mentally it still painful.

Tommy’s have midwives trained in bereavement support and there are threads on there where you can speak to others who have been through the same who can offer you support. I’m sorry for your loss
www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/miscarriage-information-and-support

I found a phone call with a Tommy's midwife very helpful. The miscarriage association also have a helpline. I found 'The Worst girl gang ever' book by Bex Gunn useful it is a practical guide to miscarriage and useful for processing emotions. All the best xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand and it is fine to feel the way you do. I had a miscarriage in October. Everyone thinks I'm fine but I'm struggling every day.

I really hope there is someone you can talk to. It feels very lonely x

I’m the same. 3rd miscarriage at 10 weeks (twice) in November and can’t stop thinking about them. I also listen to “the worst girl gang ever” on podcast whilst i go out for my walk and it really helps me listen to what other ppl have been through as some conditions/resolutions for them I’ve never heard of so useful to know

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s natural to feel that mental pain, but time will distance you from the pain I promise.

After my MC it helped me to think about it not as a failed pregnancy, but rather a pregnancy and a baby that had successfully achieved everything that it was ever meant to achieve - it was never meant to become a full term living child. Once I thought about it that way, I was proud of it, and of my body, for knowing when it was time to let go.

The other helpful piece of advice I had was to find something that symbolises that pregnancy for you. It could be a plant, or some other item. A few days after my MC I went out to the supermarket in a daze and saw a little cuddly toy - won’t be too specific but basically it was so sweet and light and completely the opposite of all the darkness of the previous few days. I bought it and it’s sat on my dressing table for nearly 2 years! Every now and again I’ll stroke its head or give it a little kiss as I walk past. Nothing too intense and I do it quite rarely now, but it’s my little way of remembering that little life that tried so hard but wasn’t meant to be.

It’s awful, I know - but you will feel like yourself again - in the meantime be kind to yourself!