Telling other people about it

[GingleAllTheWay2022]

How did you deal with it? I've just had a MMC at 12 weeks (stopped growing at 8 weeks) so thankfully few people knew I was pregnant. I'm dreading telling them. I don't want to deal with their sadness and I've already had some well-meant but stupid and infuriating comments from the people who do know.

This is why you don't tell anyone until the 12 week scan. Harsh lesson learned. Although it's highly unlikely there will be a 'next time' for us so at least I won't have to go through this again.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think it can be hard for people to know how to react because different people find different things helpful when they're shocked and grieving.

It might be helpful (or not) for you to ask someone you trust who already knows to pass on the news for you and to let them know how you would like people to respond (eg please give us some space to grieve, or please don't treat me any different at the moment, or please support us this way) so that they can pass that on.

That's a good idea. Thanks for replying.

I am so sorry for your loss!
I had to have a termination at 14 weeks due to a lethal genetic defect ( baby would have died in the womb or shortly after birth) and then had an early miscarriage afterwards.
i was quite open with people( friends and family) about it. If they wanted to know. First time none knew I was pregnant but I shared what happened with my friends and family. The miscarriage I shared with close friends and family once I knew I was pregnant as I gathered I would share if anything went wrong anyway. I now have 2 healthy children and shared early on with friends and family but for example didn’t share with work until after 20 week scan.

don’t share with anyone unless you want to! It is yours and you OH‘s. Treue Friends will be there for you but sometimes it is hard to say the right thing when told something like this.
i am sorry to hear there may not be another ! Fingers crossed there may be! X

I'm so sorry for your loss. As a pp said, I would ask someone else to let people know on your behalf. Some people do make hurtful comments (I had a miscarriage the day before my scan). Most come from a place of well meaning, but they can feel brutal.

Don't beat yourself up about telling some people i have had two miscarriages and ended up telling people afterwards anyway and actually talk about it quite openly now. Within my friendship groups we have had a few that have had fertility problems so have felt it's important to be open about struggles we have had. Take care of yourself, talk of you need to and don't of you don't want to. For me I went straight back to work as I needed the structure and distraction but again if you need time please take it. Sending love.