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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Second miscarriage

17 replies

virgo22 · 23/12/2022 03:12

I don't know where to turn feeling so deflated.
My journey goes something like this, first find out I'm pregnant in 2020, for it to then result in a chemical pregnancy (early early miscarriage). The following cycle found out I am pregnant, have a completely healthy pregnancy lashing 42 weeks.
Quite traumatic birth in the end that almost ended in an emergency c section but luckily it didn't. Forceps delivery, grade 3 tear and episiotomy. 5 day stay in hospital due to obs being high and me being at risk of infection.
Fast forward to 2022, May I found out I'm pregnant, started bleeding at 9+4 days. So miscarriage happened in August this year.

Fast forward to more recently, November I found out I was pregnant again, yesterday I had a scan at 11 weeks to find the baby stopped growing just after 9 weeks so I'm going in a few hours to have it removed.

Im just feeling so numb, I am so grateful for the child I do have because I can't imagine to think how people feel who struggle to conceive one.

I thought I could carry a baby so why does this keep happening 

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 23/12/2022 03:31

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

There are many reasons why a pregnancy fails but quite often in early pregnancy it can be down to chromosomal issues with the embryo. That was the case with at least two of mine.

As you’re going for an ERPC can you find out if they will test some of the tissue, that might give some clarity in this case.

Original poster
virgo22 · 23/12/2022 03:40

Pollywoddles · 23/12/2022 03:31

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

There are many reasons why a pregnancy fails but quite often in early pregnancy it can be down to chromosomal issues with the embryo. That was the case with at least two of mine.

As you’re going for an ERPC can you find out if they will test some of the tissue, that might give some clarity in this case.

Thank you so much, that's helpful to know so I will definitely ask. I think it could give me some closure as everything is in the unknown

OP posts:
Original poster
virgo22 · 23/12/2022 03:41

Pollywoddles · 23/12/2022 03:31

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

There are many reasons why a pregnancy fails but quite often in early pregnancy it can be down to chromosomal issues with the embryo. That was the case with at least two of mine.

As you’re going for an ERPC can you find out if they will test some of the tissue, that might give some clarity in this case.

Sorry quite new to using Mumsnet so not sure how to edit but also sorry to hear about your losses

OP posts:
LBF2020 · 23/12/2022 04:50

I'm so sorry for your losses Flowers

Original poster
virgo22 · 23/12/2022 07:28

@LBF2020 thank you so much. Just can't wait to get today over with x

OP posts:
Bow38 · 23/12/2022 07:41

I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m just going through my third miscarriage, which started yesterday at exactly 7 weeks. The other two were missed miscarriages like your current and picked up on scans at 13 and 9 weeks. These resulted in erpcs - if that’s what you’ve got this morning, mine were quick and painless if that helps.

I do have two healthy, happy girls who were born in between miscarriages though so I feel incredibly lucky. Like you, I know I can carry a pregnancy to term, it just seems to be 50/50 for me. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It feels a lonely place to be - but I’m certain that if you’ve carried one healthy pregnancy it will happen again, it’s just hard going on this journey to get there.

Original poster
virgo22 · 23/12/2022 07:47

@Bow38 thank you so much for your kind words and I'm so sorry you're also going through this, once is hard enough 💔
I should be taken down within an hour, I'm just ready to have it done now as it's such a strange feeling knowing it's inside of me with no life 😢.

I don't think I can go through this again mentally and physically. Apparently they investigate after 3 reoccurring miscarriages but I feel like I can't risk trying again.

Sending love to you, have lots of rest and take it easy. You're not alone in this xxx

OP posts:
Bow38 · 23/12/2022 08:01

@virgo22 thank you so much for your lovely message. It just made me cry a little bit (in a nice way!). I hope all goes ok this morning - it will be over soon. I completely understand that feeling. I think the small silver lining to this is that it makes you treasure what you already have even more. Look after yourself xx

Bug84 · 23/12/2022 19:41

So sorry for your loss and hope your procedure went ok. I had erpc last week for a missed miscarriage, baby measured 13+2 but I thought I was almost 15 weeks when I had a scan which showed no heartbeat 💔
I have 2 healthy dc’s, and this was my third miscarriage - the others were pretty early, this one feels a lot harder. Hoping to get some answers from tests - not sure if I’ll be brave enough to try again but really would like to. Take care of yourself xx

Bow38 · 23/12/2022 20:14

@Bug84 so sorry to hear that. Losing one so late on must be heartbreaking. Are you going for recurrent m/c tests? I was told today that as my three m/c have been sandwiched by two healthy pregnancies they won’t count it as recurrent.

I’m really not sure whether to try again or count my blessings but my EPU told me today they wouldn’t refer for testing anyway.

I hope you’re doing ok as can be and taking care of yourself xx

DottyLittleRainbow · 23/12/2022 20:26

I have nothing much useful to say except that I feel you and you’re not alone.

I have two children, in between I had a miscarriage at 8-9 weeks which was horrible but I coped with.

This year I’ve had a miscarriage in the summer at 7-8 weeks, fell pregnant immediately afterwards and then found out it was a missed miscarriage when we went for a scan at what should have been 13 weeks but baby had stopped growing at 8-9 weeks. Hideous. Had an MVA and I did feel slightly better once that had happened that at least the physical part was mostly over. But emotionally it was and is rough.

We’ve tried the two cycles following with no success and want another but I’m not sure I can keep trying as I’m scared of the same happening again. Not eligible for any investigations as it’s not 3 in a row. I’ve now decided to have some counselling before we think about trying again.

Thinking of you and hope today went ok, it really is the worst gang to be in.

Bug84 · 23/12/2022 21:09

Bow38 · 23/12/2022 20:14

@Bug84 so sorry to hear that. Losing one so late on must be heartbreaking. Are you going for recurrent m/c tests? I was told today that as my three m/c have been sandwiched by two healthy pregnancies they won’t count it as recurrent.

I’m really not sure whether to try again or count my blessings but my EPU told me today they wouldn’t refer for testing anyway.

I hope you’re doing ok as can be and taking care of yourself xx

Thank you. They didn’t mention about a referral at EPU, I’ve had 2 mc’s in a row (the first was between my 2 dc) so I’m guessing I won’t qualify yet, but I will ask them about it. They took tons of blood from me (didn’t even think to ask what the tests were, it was all a blur!) and they are going to do tests on the pregnancy tissue they said. Apparently results can take up to 12 weeks. The EPU did mention that if I got pregnant again they could look at extra things like progesterone and aspirin etc. hope you’re ok xx

Bug84 · 23/12/2022 21:11

DottyLittleRainbow · 23/12/2022 20:26

I have nothing much useful to say except that I feel you and you’re not alone.

I have two children, in between I had a miscarriage at 8-9 weeks which was horrible but I coped with.

This year I’ve had a miscarriage in the summer at 7-8 weeks, fell pregnant immediately afterwards and then found out it was a missed miscarriage when we went for a scan at what should have been 13 weeks but baby had stopped growing at 8-9 weeks. Hideous. Had an MVA and I did feel slightly better once that had happened that at least the physical part was mostly over. But emotionally it was and is rough.

We’ve tried the two cycles following with no success and want another but I’m not sure I can keep trying as I’m scared of the same happening again. Not eligible for any investigations as it’s not 3 in a row. I’ve now decided to have some counselling before we think about trying again.

Thinking of you and hope today went ok, it really is the worst gang to be in.

Sorry for your losses ❤️ I’m the same as you in that I’m lucky to have 2 dc. It’s strange to feel that you can carry to term, but not every time, hope we can get some answers x

Original poster
virgo22 · 24/12/2022 06:14

@Bug84 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's the most heartbreaking thing to go through 💔
I won't ever forget seeing our baby on the screen, and for a second I was so happy but then it's like that was torn away just as quickly.

I find it pretty hard how it has to be 3 consecutive mc's. It's so hard to go through the one. I spoke to the doctor yesterday and I must admit, she made me feel at ease before I had the op. She said the odds of going on to have a healthy pregnancy are still so high, it's just unfortunate that I have been the 1/4 twice. And so many women go through this but not many speak about it.
I told her that I'm so grateful for my little girl I already have, and she said to me yes - but please don't also disregard your feelings about the second baby you were longing to have.

Sending love, especially at this time of year it's even more tough. But we can do it, even for our little ones xx

OP posts:
Original poster
virgo22 · 24/12/2022 06:21

@DottyLittleRainbow thank you so much for kind words and I'm so sorry to hear about your losses too. It definitely feels cruel that we're expected to just get on with it and potentially have 3 in a row for anything to happen.
I did just reply to another comment about what the doctor told me with the odds being still so high to going on and having a healthy pregnancy. Just very unfortunate. She also said your body doesn't feel the same way your heart does which I thought was so true.

On the ultrasound there was a mass of blood so they're sending off to be checked if I had a molar pregnancy, which I really hope wasn't as this scares me, but the doctor said to not worry and it might come back as not this anyway.

Sending love to you x

OP posts:
Bow38 · 24/12/2022 09:27

@DottyLittleRainbow @bug84 @virgo22 sorry to all be in the same club, especially over Christmas! I’m in a similar position as don’t know whether to try again or just focus on enjoying my two lovely girls. I’m 38 so I don’t feel like I have lots of time to decide. @DottyLittleRainbow counselling sounds like a good plan, hope it can give you a bit of peace.

@virgo22 it sounds like you had a lovely doctor and that’s really good advice. Take your time to grieve, it must have come as such a shock at 11 weeks so it will take time just to adjust. I do think the further along you are, the harder it is.

I was quite early on this one (7 weeks) but had a scan yesterday and apparently there’s still a bit of retained tissue (really don’t like that phrase) so still waiting for it to complete. Really hoping to be on the other side before tomorrow.

I hope you all recover ok and enjoy Christmas with your little ones xxx

Bug84 · 24/12/2022 11:38

Thanks @Bow38 , hope the retained tissue sorts itself out for you quickly and easily, not a nice thing to have to think about over Xmas. It is a strange club to be in, but it helps to hear from other people going through similar, even though you don’t want others to have to go through it, iykwim!

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