Miscarriage advice please

[Jcem13]

Hello,
I'm after some advice please. Sorry, it's a long one. I want to give as much info as possible.

I went for my first scan yesterday expecting to see a 13 week baby ... Unfortunately, the sonographer couldn't find a heartbeat and said the baby was measuring about 8 weeks. Resulting in the devastating news if a miscarriage.

I've spoken to someone about my options which they have left me to think about over night and will call me again today to decide how I want to proceed.

With Christmas only a matter of days away I'm thinking I want to wait a week to see if I naturally miscarry, and if nothing after a week I will go for the medicine route.

My question is... Is there a chance they could be wrong? Should I be asking for another scan if nothing happens in a week to make sure?

I tested when I should have been just over 7 weeks, had my booking appt over the phone at 9 weeks and had bloods taken with midwife at roughly 10 weeks. Do they test the blood for hormones at that point?! If I had miscarried by that point would they have been able to see that from the blood results?!

My husband wonders if I got my dates wrong, but I don't see how I could have.

I had cramping at the beginning of my pregnancy which the midwife said was probably just where my ligaments were stretching etc, so I just don't know if that was a sign something was wrong?

I had some very minor spotting last week, like literally a tiny smear of blood in my discharge. Since I found out the news yesterday I've been getting power back ache and some period like cramping... Is this a sign things are starting to happen? Or could it be emotional/stress?

I'm just so confused, I don't know how to feel. One minute I'm ok, the next I'm crying!

Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you x

Hi there, so sorry you're experiencing this!

Definitely request another scan if you're unsure whether they're right or not. I had a similar experience in 2018 when I had a missed misscarrige at 13 weeks. Never got a chance to have my first scan as I miscarried literally a day before I was due one but when they performed my emergency D&C they said the fetus had stopped growing approx 3-5 weeks before (so would of been around 8-10 weeks). I'd also had bloods done around that time and they didn't pick up any sign of misscarrige.

If you're even a bit unsure that it could be a case of your dates being wrong definetely wait and see and have another scan before you go ahead with anything. I'd say it's better to be 100% sure than live with a load of what ifs xx

So so sorry @Jcem13. Sadly it is unlikely that they got in wrong.

Early cramping can occur with pregnancies that go to full term and those that end with miscarriage.

That feeling you have at the moment could possibly be a sign that the miscarriage is starting. I had a pregnancy that ended at eight weeks too. People's experiences can vary a lot but incase helpful - mine started with some cramping and then bleeding which increased in heaviness with some clots. I took ibuprofen and it wasn't too painful (miscarried naturally). Ladies on this forum have had medical management and surgery and am sure would be happy to share experience of this.

The hcg can take a while to fade which is why it is hard to tell initially if a miscarriage has occurred. My pregnancy test was still strong even after I had passed most of the pregnancy. That can be confusing as you can still 'feel pregnant' when you are not.

The charity Tommy's website has a free telephone service where you can chat to a specialist midwife. I found that very helpful. The miscarriage association also has a forum and helpline. All the best x

@Jcem13 I am so sorry this is happening to you. I fully understand the confusion, hope and devastation that are overwhelming you at the moment.

I also miscarried at 16 weeks with the fetal pole ( i think they called it) showing more like 8 weeks.

*TRIGGER WARNING FOR DETAILS BELOW ON MISCARRIAGE PHYSICAL**

I chose not to immediately have a D&C. I had multiple scans because they check twice to confirm the miscarriage and then the scan again to ensure all of the tissue is expelled.

The natural miscarriage was unpleasant. I had contractions that were scary and went to A&E because no one told us this was what would happen. My waters broke and then it was like a heavy period with tissue coming out fairly quickly. Things went 'quiet' for a few hours and then finally at home my wee one came out during a trip to the toilet. It was sudden and a shock but there was nothing recognisable as a fetus but we knew.

I had to go to hospital a day or so later for another scan and they gave me pills to help my body remove what little was left. I was also given 2 really big anti biotic tablets as a precaution.

After that, it was med-heavy period for a week.

This was my experience. We used humour to get through it but afterwards, it was sadness, longing and I guess guilt? I was envious every time I saw a baby and then the pain of loss hit each time. Depression is normal too.

I think a D&C may have been quicker and looking back, I kinda wish i'd opted for that as the 'natural' process was scary and we were ill informed about what would happen, what would be normal etc.

Hugs to you. x

Thank you so much for your replies.

I know in my heart it's gone, it's just hard to accept I guess! I'm just so confused as if they're saying it was about 8 weeks then why haven't I had any bleeding 5 weeks later?

My cramping has been pretty constant this morning, like a period but no sign of any blood yet. Is there anything I should keep an eye out for?

Hospital haven't phone me yet, so hopefully they'll call soon.

I've heard / seen so many different experiences so hopefully it's not too bad over Xmas. I have a 4 year old daughter so want her to have an amazing time regardless!

Thank you again for you quick replies xx

Sometimes sadly the body doesn't recognise that the pregnancy has ended. Known as a 'missed miscarriage'. Tommys and The Miscarriage Association have information on this. I hope if it is this the process goes smoothly for you x

I’m sorry to hear this. In my experience the EPU tend to err on the side of caution and will ask you to come back for a rescan in 2 weeks if they are not 100 percent sure, so they are probably likely to be right. If you are unsure you can always choose to have no intervention for now and see what happens. In my case when the cramping started, it ramped up over a day and got stronger and closer together (kind of like the beginning stages of labour) and then started bleeding heavily with big clots etc. This lasted for about 1-2 hours but once everything came out I felt immediately better and was physically fine by the next morning. I hope you manage to have a good Christmas with your daughter!

Thank you so much for your reply.

My cramping has been on and off, with a bit of blood last night, but nothing since. Looks as though something may have started though.

The hospital called back and will call me again on Tuesday. If nothing has progressed I will go down the medicine route.

We weren't going to tell people about the pregnancy until we saw the scan was all ok, obviously that didn't happen so no-one knows. Did you find telling people (friends / family) helped you through it, or not telling them was better?

Thanks again for all of your replies, I really do appreciate it! Xx

Glad you have heard back from the hospital @Jcem13 I personally found it useful to have the support of family and told some close friends who I knew would be supportive. Although people don't always know the right thing to say it was nice to know people were thinking of me and on hand to help with practical things like helping with my son when I had hospital appointments.

I was quite relieved I didn’t tell anyone as it just gave me time to process my own feelings and then ttc again when ready. I feel totally comfortable talking about it now though, but just didn’t really feel the need to at the time.