Advice please - sister just had miscarriage at 22 weeks

[Jan2]

I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks so I have some insight but am really worried for her - what will happen at hospital? she only found out today - am worried she may have to go through labour?? has anyone else had experience of losing their baby this late?

Jan - so sorry to hear this - no experience of m/c this late, hope someone can give you some info on what she can expect.

There was a thread recently with lots of sharing of experiences if you have a little search. I know cece was one of the posters on it. HTH

Yes here I am AussieSim!

So sorry for your poor sister. She and her DH/DP will have a very difficult time over the next few weeks and both will need lots of support.

Have they discovered no heartbeat? If so I can tell you what happened to me. I was given a pill (sorry can't remember the name) that does something to the lining of the womb. Then if you do not go into labour after that, 48 hours later they start to give you a pessary which will then bring on labour.

You do not need to dilate to 10 cm as the baby will be small, so the labour should be quite quick. Also it can be like period pain, although mine was a bit worse than that. The mw gave me a high dose of pethidine every 2 hours which I found got me through physically and emotionally.

Afterwards I spent a few hours with my baby and found this helped in a funny sort of way. I also had photos taken by the staff. I took my own camera and took some too. In my case my baby was too small to take hand and footprints but your sister might be able to at 22 weeks and might want to ask for this to be done if they don't offer it. The hosptial gave us a little blanket she had wrapped around her and the hospital tag with her name on.

Please be warned that your breasts can be very tender for a few days afterwards and may produce some milk. A very cruel trick by nature

Sorry if I have inculded too much information, as I know this can be an exremely hurtful and distressing time for her and all of her family.

As she found out yesterday I guess there is a chance she has already had her baby. I will be thinking of her.

Please recommend the SANDS website to her. I have found it helpful to join the forum. There is a special section for women who have had late miscarriages.

Thank you so much for that Cece. I know that she was going into hospital this morning for some sort of pill and is then due to go back on Monday so it sounds like she will be going through something similar to what you went through. I have not spoken to her yet as she has only spoken with my mum as she is still in shock. She had a scan at 20 weeks and everything was fine and then went for the NHS scan on Friday just for 'the record' really at 22 weeks. We are all really shocked and upset - I can't really believe it. I had a healthy baby girl in May last year and our other sister is due with her first baby this April so it was going to be an exciting summer as she was due in June. Myself and my hubby suffered a missed miscarriage as well but that was at 14 weeks with our first pregnancy when I went for my scan but I had a D&C so can't really imagine how awful having to give birth is going to be for her. Thanks again for sharing your experience though.

jan2, pretty much the same happened to me at 21 weeks five years ago. Am so sorry to hear your sister's baby has died - my scan was an "extra" one too and the news was a total shock.

Cece has given an accurate description of the likely progression of your sister's labour and delivery - any number of pain options are available of course, more than for a live birth, and depending on what she prefers she could also have valium, which I found took the edge off the anguish. Things happened pretty much the same for us.
The sort of thing I would have found helpful to know before going in to hospital that time would have been:

Asking the staff to take bloods and swabs from me before labour started and make sure the same was done from the baby after delivery. If it is currently not clear why the baby died, these tests could provide vital clues.

Asking the staff to check the placenta after delivery carefully, and take any necessary samples too

An awareness that even with all of the above and consent to a post mortem, 50% of stillbirths post 20 weeks remain unexplained I found that so hard to live with and to be honest it still distresses me sometimes that I might have been able to prevent this happening

I found all this out from a very helpful book called When Your Baby Dies and of course it is not the sort of book you would read until you needed to
It is published by SANDS, and as CeCe says, they will be so helpful in supporting your sis through the difficult times ahead.

Like Cece I found it comforting to spend time with our ds2 after he was delivered, and the staff were so good to us. We have photos and some mementoes and a helpful present for your sis might be a special box to keep such things in. We named our son and had a funeral for him - the hospital will be able to explain what options there are, and she won't be pressurised into doing anything she is unhappy about. Even if she is not religious, the Chaplain will provide practical support.

It's great that she has such a caring and supportive sister there for her. Is this her first baby?

Thinking of you all, I'm so sorry XXX

Thanks Marina. Yes it is her first baby. I really don't feel very supportive at the moment as I haven't spoken with her yet. She lives a couple of hours away and I don't think a visit from me and baby would be very helpful for her. I know that when I had my miscarriage the last thing I wanted to see was other peoples babies. I haven't rung her as I have told my mum to tell her to call me when she is ready. She is a very private person which makes it all the harder! Is there anything I could do or say to make her feel any better?...

If she is anything like me she won't want to speak to or see anyone for at least 2 weeks. She will be in shock and grieving.

Can I suggest you send her a card with some kind words? One of my friends gave me a little silver angel which I will treasure. I had several bunches of flowers but tbh I didn't really like getting them as they reminded me of the flowers I had when I had my other children. Plus eventually they die, which is not a nice thing for her at the moment.