Measuring nearly 4 weeks behind with heartbeat

[alice198717]

Hello everyone,
I would so appreciate some advice if anyone has been through a similar situation, I'm absolutely devastated and dealing with this on my own.

I went for an early reassurance scan at 6w 6d and was confronted with an inconclusive result and no heartbeat. The baby was 4.7mm, so small for the dates. I was heartbroken and during the next week's wait I tried to prepare myself to say goodbye.

At the next scan, there was a heartbeat! The baby had grown to 4.9mm in a week. I had to wait another two weeks to check the growth but the sonographer was very chill about it all and kept saying it was just to check in. I was still very anxious and am, again, devastated to find out that the baby is now only 6.2mm, although I should have been 9w 6d. They said that the measurements indicated 6w 1d.

I tried to ask so many questions but the sonographer and the doctor kept batting me away, telling me that they don't measure heartbeat rate when the baby is this small and snapping that there is no indication of miscarriage whenever I asked about what was happening. The doctor also snapped that there has been growth when I asked why the baby hadn't grown. I now have to wait another 2 weeks and have no clue what is happening but feel like I'm obviously going to get bad news at the next scan.

Another thing that's really difficult is not really being able to put work on hold or tell anyone what's going on cos I don't even know. I'm stuck in limbo and it will be 5 weeks of waiting in agony.

I feel so alone and scared, if anyone can share any of their experiences I'd be so grateful.

Thank you all <3 xxxx

Ps there was a heartbeat at my scan yesterday also. I keep trying to believe this is good news but I just don't know how it could be growing so slowly and be so far behind

Hello OP. This sounds incredibly stressful.

Is it possible you actually conceived later than you think and you are not as far along as you calculated?

Hello Lucy,
Thank you so much for replying. We only had sex three times during that month, quite close together over what I thought was my ovulation time. I was convincing myself that I could have been up to 2 weeks behind cos of implantation and late ovulation before - I just don't know how I could be 4weeks out! I only used an app to estimate the ovulation times, not the sticks or anything.
I just don't know what to think ):

I'm sorry op.

Realistically the doctors can't tell you what is going to happen. It's a wait and see situation.

Early scans are not an exact science.

Late ovulation, long time spent travelling down the tube and late implantation are all possible.

This is horrible for you but all you can do is wait and see what happens. Very very cliched annoying advice, but try to relax and get yourself into a what will be will be mindset. If the pregnancy is healthy and viable it will progress by itself. If there's something wrong you may experience a loss but you are preparing yourself for that and you are strong enough. You can't affect the outcome so if at all possible, distract yourself, treat yourself and let the next few weeks play out. Easier said than done! Big sympathy from me.

I think there’s a possibility that you will miscarry before 12 weeks but no doctor is going to tell you that. However having said that I’ve read enough cases on here to know that the body is an amazing thing and very often the pregnancy progresses beautifully beyond 12 weeks even when nothing made much sense in the early stages.

I have experienced four losses while trying to have my children and each one was different. The waiting time is horrendous and I completely understand you wanting answers. The only thing you can do is wait and hope and prepare yourself fair it to go either way. When I was in the waiting period I was binge watching things on Netflix or similar so I will advocate that as a coping mechanism 💐💐💐

Thank you all for replying

@magicalorange I think I want to be annoyed with the doctors rather than deal with what is happening. I guess there are so many different situations and ways this could go that they can't say or really predict. I wish so much that I hadn't been to that early scan and could have just found out at the 12 week scan or miscarried before that.

@LucySno - does it still seem like there might be a possibility of those things if I am so far behind? I am so eager to believe that, maybe all of those things as well as the baby just being small? Thank you for your kind advice so much, I will try my best to distract myself. It feels so cruel with Christmas and i was so excited to tell my family ):

@RudsyFarmer I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and hope that you have managed to have a precious baby of your own now. I do feel like I have a backache this morning but I don't know if that's because I'm thinking about miscarriages so much. I have had strong pregnancy symptoms, especially these last two weeks and no other bad symptoms. I just keep praying that my case is one of those strange nonsensical miracles! Thank you for your Netflix advice, I can't decide whether to tell my work and bail on everything yet cos I just don't know for sure, but I think Netflix and bed is calling as I'm just so frazzled.

Thank you again all of you kind people xx

This is why I hate private scans (I had one too). They take your money but they're basically useless if they tell you anything that could be worrying.

@ohfook Totally! I went to my private scan with no idea of the hell i was about to unleash on myself argh. As heartbreaking as it would have been to have found out that there was something wrong at 12 weeks, I wish that could've been how things played out rather than all this waiting and guessing.
Hope things turned out okay for you in the end xx

Yes I've had them before and thought nothing of it. Then I've seen first hand the heartbreak and worry it causes when they basically tell you there's a problem but they can't help.
If I'm being honest, now I actually think they're a bit unethical.

@ohfook I really feel the same - the receptionist at mine told me I wouldn't be able to get an NHS scan to confirm the miscarriage too and would have to book (and pay) for one with them, which felt v. shady, weird and unethical (the midwife I spoke to thought so too). I would definitely not recommend /:

I just wanted to add to this thread in case anyone else is going out of their minds in a similar situation.
I had another scan at 11.5 weeks and the baby's heartbeat had very sadly stopped. I don't know what else to add except to send all my deepest love to anyone going through this awful limbo - please do send me a DM if you want to talk about what happened to me or ask any questions.
Thank you to every lovely person on this thread too xxx

Sorry to hear this @alice198717, I've had the exact same in the past as you, slow growth, heartbeat, frustration with medical staff being somewhat clueless and then sadly miscarriage.

Hoping you are being very kind to yourself and taking it easy.

I'm not sure if its any consolation at this very moment but I went on to have genetic testing, was told it was purely bad luck and then had two successful pregnancies with two beautiful children.

Sending big hugs xx

@alice198717 Sorry to hear that. You're not alone. I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage today after seeing a heart beat a few weeks ago. Take good care of yourself and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon.

@Notacluewhatimdoingasalways thank you for your lovely message. It is just the most agonising thing I've ever been through - the tiny bit of hope that you hold on to makes it so much harder but you don't want it to go away at the same time.
I'm so sorry you've been through the same pain but yes!!! So happy to hear that you've got two beautiful children now! that gives me so much hope - thank you. I did sign a form for genetic testing so I hope I will get the same answer and go on to find my rainbow baby. Sending hugs xx

@TheBirdintheCave I'm so so sorry to hear that. It is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced and my heart goes out to you so much. Just let me know if you need someone to talk to. I hope you've got some support around you. Thank you for your lovely message, helps so much. Hope you get your rainbow baby very soon too xx

@alice198717 Thanks :)

@alice198717 I'm glad its brought you even a small comfort at this time. Its so hard to be in the moment isn't it and try to look towards the future. I know exactly what you mean about having a little bit of hope and holding onto it, for weeks I clung onto any glimmer of positivity I could find. I really wish someone had sat me down (be it a nurse or doctor or whatever) and told us that the outcome looked bleak for that pregnancy but very much like with yours I was just told to wait and see. Incredulity frustrating when you know something isn't right.

Be aware if you get genetic testing results they may not feel particularly reassuring. Ours basically just said no abnormalities detected. It felt at the time like we had no answers etc but looking back it was just purely bad luck and there wasn't anything anyone could tell us but to try again.

Sorry I'm rambling ! I'm not a religious person but I will say a little prayer you get your babies. A really great book by Dr regan called "miscarriage what everyone woman needs to know" is worth a read in my opinion, it might be out of date with current research now but I found it brilliant for understanding miscarriage and explaining why things happen.

@Notacluewhatimdoingasalways yes! It felt like I was doing a disservice to the baby by NOT being positive, everyone kept telling me 'just think about the positives,' 'the heartbeat is the important thing' etc., but honestly, like you said, I feel like the doctors were leading me on a little bit and wish they had sat me down and told me the truth. Especially in the last appointment when the lead doctor kept saying there was no indication of miscarriage - my partner was away when all of this happened and when I repeated everything that had been said to him word for word he was convinced that everything was going to be fine. I definitely knew deep down though, it's such a horrible rollercoaster of emotions between what you really know to be true and the temptation of those little hope nuggets. I guess there's no point in putting you through agony while you wait, but yes, I definitely would have liked a bit more honesty.

That's good to know re the genetic testing - I definitely feel like that atm, I just want answers but realistically it doesn't like it's actually possible to be definitive. I have a fibroid that I'm worried about but my GP said that it might be a year until I even get to see the gyno dept! Feels like lunacy after I've just had 7 scans peering about in there. I think we are just going to try again and hope hope hope.

Thank you so much for saying a little prayer for us, that's so beautiful. I'm not a religious person either, but I found myself going that way a bit during this experience. Thank you for the Dr Regan recommendation too - I will definitely seek that one out, think it would be good to feel a bit more in control of this weird uncontrollable situation!

sending you and your family lots of well wishes for the NY xxx