Isolated in my loss. No support

[Netflixandchill]

Hello.

after a month of really poor health (Covid, Pulmonary Embolism) I sadly miscarried last week. It has been a rollercoaster but I have been completely isolated in my grief and not had any visitors. I was hoping people would check in but nobody has. It makes me feel like I should just be carrying on, and I don’t have a right to be heartbroken.

Is this normal? I never thought I would deal with something like this alone, when does it get better? I have 2 children that keep me going, but it has made me see my friends and family in a completely different light the past few weeks.

Awww I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible time. I felt exactly like you. Do you have a partner you can talk to? No one checked up on me because I don't think they understood what to say or were scared they may say the wrong thing. A lady at work recently had a miscarriage and the staff were told not to message her. Everyone thinks in different ways. My kids were my support and I hugged them each day I felt crap. It took me some time to get over it. What you're feeling is normal and people should reach out. It's a good job we've got Mumsnet. Come on here and keep interacting with people who can empathise because they've been through it too.

So sorry for your loss. I had a MMC and surgery 3 weeks ago. Like you I was surprised by the lack of acknowledgment or offers of support. My parents and DH have been amazing but MIL (who had a MMC and the same surgery) never contacted me. I was really upset that she could have offered me some support as she’d experienced it firsthand and instead just ignored me. It’s made me much less tolerant of her unfortunately.

I think many people struggle with knowing when or how to get in touch, not wanting to do it too soon then feeling they’ve left it too late. Worrying about what to say or saying the wrong thing seems to be an issue too.

I told my manager that I was fine with them sharing what happened, thinking it might make reaching out a bit easier but seems to have had the opposite effect.

I found that when I reached out, people were very kind but not many made the first move. Thank goodness for mumsnet as it’s been great to talk to women going through the same thing.

It does feel unfair that if I’d had another type of surgery, people would have been visiting, sending cards etc so you know they’re thinking of you. The radio silence makes the whole thing feel much more isolating and lonely.

If there’s someone you think would be sympathetic or support you I’d try contacting them. I know if feels like you shouldn’t have to but if it will help you in the long run, I’d bite the bullet. Also the support thread is amazing if you haven’t already been on there. Lots of knowledgeable and supportive women willing to listen and share their experiences.

I hope you get some much deserved support to help you through this really crap time.

Yes everything the others have said. I had a tfmr last year and MMC this summer and to this day my best friend hasn’t asked how I’m feeling or checked in on recovery etc. It’s been hard for me but I do understand that it isn’t reflective of how she feels. She does care she just thinks she is giving me space or doesn’t want to remind me of the sadness.

It’s an extremely difficult thing to go through and it’s normal to be struggling, especially with your health problems too. I am sure if you reach out to some carefully selected friends they would want to support you. Xxx