Miscarriage - what do you say when people ask if you want kids?

[Heffingdream1]

I suffer from recurrent miscarriage and we have decided not to try again.

I recently started a new job and a bit worried the question will come up from colleagues 'do you and your DH want kids?' It's quite a close workplace and there's already been a joke directed at me about "you'll be next to get married" so I think it's a possibility.

I am very wary of telling colleagues about my mc's because at a former job when I told a colleague I had had a mc she turned on me and started to bully me. I don't really understand why. She started to talk to my bosses behind my back making out I had become incompetent (not the case) and it was implied this was because of my mc - "we are concerned about you" complete with worried patronising looks, but they were very very careful to never come out and say this or put it in writing :)

I had two more at my job after that and my colleagues very mostly v supportive thankfully. But the first experience has made me wary.

Anywayyy. What do you say when asked that question? I don't really want to talk about my mc but don't want to give the impression that I'm a 'career woman who does not want/dislikes children' (STUPID stereotype!!!)

I probably am being a bit sensitive to not like if people think I don't like kids or babies or something, but I feel giving that impression disrespects my much wanted /babies pregnancies.

Thank you in advance.

You are not being overly sensitive at all x

I am so sorry for your losses and everything you have been through.

I have had four losses this year and sometimes the least supportive comments have been made by the people closest to me.

My workplace have been brilliant.. but again it feels patronising.

'the worst girl gang ever' Instagram page I have found very helpful. There in some posts on there about baby losses and the work place (apologies you may have to dig a bit to find these).

Also I found the podcast attached very helpful with 'responses' to some people. Apologies if any of these suggestions are triggering! X

Had a similar situation recently where an older colleague asked me was there no sign of me getting married or having kids yet. I said nothing and regretted it. I know what I WANTED to say lol but it wasn't exactly polite..

I feel like there is no excuse for comments like this these days. My losses didn't happen for no reason and I should be using my experiences to educate others.