Blighted Ovum, Imminent Miscarriage and Heartbroken

[clhsgirl]

Hi everyone,

Three weeks ago I had my first ever BFP after 3 years of TTC. My husband and I went down the route of self-funded IVF due to not being eligible for NHS due to my high BMI. We were pleasantly shocked to get a positive result on our first transfer but we were told that the first beta test was very low at only 25 at 4 weeks, 2 days later the level had more than doubled and so we were booked in for the 7 week scan which we had today. The last few weeks have been so anxiety filled and despite everyone telling me not to be pessimistic and to stay positive, I knew deep down that things weren't right. I joined a birth month group on fb and quickly realised that I was not getting the same symptoms as them or to the same degree.

The scan today showed a blighted ovum. I am feeling very lost. Part of me is absolutely heartbroken and part of me is angry that I've had to go through three weeks of false hope and darkening tests when there's been nothing there the whole time.

I feel so lost and don't know what to do. We have 3 more embryos in this cycle but I'm now terrified the same thing is just going to happen with them. I just want the pregnancy to end and I'm hoping that stopping my progesterone support will go some way to making that happen quickly. I have an appointment with the EPAU tomorrow so hoping to know more then.

I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation. How did you cope? What helped? What can I expect moving forward? Has anyone had success following this experience? Thank you xx

I just recently went through the same. After a few private scans and not much development :( I started bleeding naturally around 9/10 weeks. The limbo was horrible waiting for my body to recognise and start passing it naturally or the thought of intervention. It really was not nice one bit :(

I hope you are alright and be kind to yourself as it is a rubbish thing to go through. Do you have hood support?

i have a great family and so lucky to have a child who kept me going throughout however I know if they were not here how worse I would feel so my Heart goes out to you. Stay strong. Keep positive. 💜

if you have any questions please ask x

Hi,
I’ve just been through this almost exactly the same situation but I’m now 9 weeks (stopped growing at 5) wasn’t confirmed until 7 weeks. I have an erpc booked for Friday which can’t come quick enough. After I stopped meds I started bleeding but unfortunately the sac is still there.
For me the worst part was the uncertainty. I felt like I couldn’t function at all until I got a solid answer that it was unviable. Luckily my epu has been really kind although delayed. My advice would be to sit with your feelings and feel them. Cry and bawl and scream when you feel like it. Take the support others offer and take time out for you to heal.
It hasn’t ended for me yet but they heartbroken feeling has subsided for now and I just feel angry.
my thoughts are with you xxx

I haven't been through IVF, but I I have had early losses and sympathise how IVF could make ttc feel like it is much higher stakes.

With your BMI, the only thing you can try to do is bring it down. Even marginal change through cutting out excess sugar and refined carbs can help increase your odds. Mine tends to range between 36-40, so I understand how difficult that can be. It doesn't mean it isn't possible to have a successful pregnancy. With ttc my first child I lost weight mostly through exercise, put it lot back on while pregnant, then took clomid successfully second time around with a high bmi and multiple losses in between. Weight can be frustrating, but it's actually something we can impact, which can also help any underlying conditions. So I am all for gentle, positive and kind self-care and change there. I'm roughly following an anti-inflammatory diet and losing weight by cutting out refined carbs and excess sugar. I'm avoiding any strenuous cardio exercise this time, as that has had a negative impact for me in the past.

You honestly need to give yourself time. Usually, by the time I move on to a new cycle after a loss, I feel okay again and can put a previous loss behind me, but it is very, very difficult from the 2ww to however long a pregnancy continues. The only thing that ever helped was with hcg if we knew it wasn't viable, it was over sooner and things reset more quickly.

You need time to go through the physical loss, to process the loss and to be in a position to pick yourself back up to decide what next. Really just be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. I was really heartbroken and grief-stricken for about a month after recent MMC and that was after the 6-7 weeks of very high levels of stress and anxiety about the potential for early loss. The EPU and gynae staff were amazing throughout.

The EPU will probably talk to you about surgical management, medical management or waiting for natural miscarriage. I would avoid surgical management personally but others prefer it. Because my hcg was high I wanted to push things along with medical / chemical management, so things would reset quicker. 6 weeks later and I'm in the 2ww again, but that's about 3 months since the last 2ww. The whole process is really hard going.

I came on here to write my own thread, instead I saw yours and couldn’t believe how similar our situations unfortunately have been recently. This might be long but I thought I would let you know my experience.

I had my first FET 20th September (after having to have a freeze all due to OHSS risk in June). We have been TTC over 2 years. I was amazed to see a positive test; but had a little niggling feeling something wasn’t right. The lines were definitely getting darker but slower than line progression pics online seemed to suggest was normal. Like you, I then joined a June 23 baby group on Facebook but couldn’t relate to alot of the symptoms - the only thing I really had that was definitely different was sore heavy boobs. My clinic don’t do hcg tests and googling did tell me “not everyone gets symptoms! It’s normal!” so I thought I was over analysing and worrying as usual and just to wait for the 7 week viability scan.

That scan was last Wednesday, we went and I was so nervous but hopeful and a tiny bit excited too. Then it felt like time stopped and I lay there looking at the ceiling as the man said the news I have for you is not good and that there was just an empty sac. It felt like living in a nightmare. My body hadn’t realised there was no baby. I felt crushed, angry, and so so upset. I was inconsolable. I cried the next 3 days straight pretty much.

They said they would book me in for a EPU scan in two weeks and that they had to advise me to continue medication until then (but with a gentle insinuation that it was my choice what I do). I had read up enough at that point online to know there was no hope. I stopped all meds that day. Saturday morning I woke up with mild cramping. Saturday afternoon the cramps had got quite a lot worse (bad but not totally unbearable) I felt a gush, blood soaked through the super tampon and super night pad I had on, I got to the toilet and (sorry graphic) everything quite literally fell out, I saw what I presume to be the sac. I have to say after that, the bleeding pretty much stopped, and I felt so much better. I think my body was just waiting for me to stop the meds, I truly think that was what was masking it whole time and dragged it out that long (I never had any bleeding or spotting to suggest anything was wrong). I can say although it’s obviously on my mind all the time, I have not cried since it ended Saturday (but it is totally fine to cry) As awful as it was it felt like an ending and a relief. I take comfort that it must have been so so early on it stopped growing.

I also have 3 frozen embryos and like you have the worry what if they are all duds. But I really think we have just had bad luck, and if we were trying naturally we probably would have had a very early chemical pregnancy which is so common. I think this one wasn’t meant to be but our bodies tried so hard to keep them. I try and remember it’s something only like 30% success rate per transfer so the odds are against us anyway. But we do have a good chance with 3 left and I really hope 2023 is our year.

I am going to try as hard as I can to forget about IVF, to stop googling about blighted ovum’s and second chance success rates (it will change nothing) and to enjoy life until after Christmas and planning a transfer in the new year. I really wish you all the best and send so much love xxx

Just to add my experience with the actual miscarriage was similar. I started having gentle cramps / very mild uterine contractions when I was asleep and when I got up everything fell out and came away. I only had to have the first part of the medication and was due in gynae 2 hours later when I took the second part.

You know how you see the black space on the scan picture? Well I think that is the 'waters'. They basically broke and saturated a pad with very, very watery light bleeding, before the sac and placenta, etc came away. Most of the bleeding occured then. My husband could see the scan afterwards in the Gynae ward and said the black space wasn't there anymore.

I had asked for genetic testing and was worried this couldn't happen as the MMC had been from 3-4 weeks prior. A nurse assured me the embryo, placenta & sac were all still attached together. I think my body was still producing progesterone as my temps were still high and later found out HCG had gone from 150000 to 8000. I've never had a natural miscarriage unless the HCG has fallen more drastically, bottoming out and others were all much earlier at 5-6 weeks with lower, not doubling HCG. The MMC was 6-7 weeks, but discovered about 9-10 weeks. I had medical management as I needed the physical closure of the loss and it made me feel more in control of what was happening.

Firstly, thank you to all of you for sharing your experiences with me with such depth and compassion. I can't tell you how much it has meant to be able to hear how others have coped and not feel so alone. I am so sorry that we've all had to experience this. I want to give you all an update on how my EPAU appointment went before I reply to your comments individually.

The sonographer and midwife I met today were both lovely and so kind. I felt really grateful that they had a separate waiting room for EPAU away from the antenatal clinic where I had to book in. Once the sonographer confirmed she was dealing with a probable miscarriage, she even moved my mum and I to a quiet room to wait for the midwife. Frustratingly, despite knowing when I implanted due to the IVF, I can't have any medical intervention until I've had another scan in a week's time to confirm there's been no growth. I wanted it gone ASAP for my own mental health and also to avoid needing time off work (I'm a teacher and currently on half-term). I am blessed to have wonderful, supportive leadership at work but I feel guilty having had so much time off already this year because of the IVF treatment. Still hoping it might happen naturally this week but tests are still very dark and I also found out today that my bleeding is from a haematoma rather than impending miscarriage.

@Watsochick I'm so sorry for what you went through but glad you had support. I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband and supportive family and friends. I couldn't ask for more in that regard. Thank you so much for your kindness.

@BlueMumma2018 I hope your ERPC goes as well as it can given the awful circumstances. The fact that you started bleeding after stopping the meds gives me hope but the fact it has been drawn out must be so distressing. I'm really having a hard time knowing how I'm feeling, I haven't cried much at all, I'm not sure why. I am completely there with you on the feeling angry though, I think that's my primary emotion right now. It truly sucks. I'll be thinking of you.

@somethingluscious Thank you for your reply. I completely understand what you mean about losing weight, I lost 3 stone before starting IVF to get to under 35. I would have wanted to lose more but it became a balance between continuing (I was finding it very hard at the point I got to 3 stone loss) and wasting more time and egg reserve. My IVF midwife said she wouldn't have wanted us to wait any longer than a year as I turn 35 on my next birthday so in the end we decided to just get on with it. I am going to try to eat an anti-inflammatory diet before my next transfer as I had wanted to do this but found the diet hard to keep up with once I started feeling crappy from the IVF meds. I agree with you about needing to go through the physical loss, that's why I've decided to go with a medically managed miscarriage as in a weird way I think it will help me to move forward. Thank you so much for sharing your miscarriage story. As harrowing as it is, it's so helpful to know what to expect. The midwife today didn't mention anything about genetic testing, is this something I can ask for?

@2022mm I cannot believe how similar our stories are, we might even have been on the same FB page. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this too, was this your first pregnancy too? It seems so unfair doesn't it when we've already been through so much. It's interesting that they gave you the option to stop meds or not. My clinic told me to, so I've had no progesterone since yesterday morning. The scan today at the EPAU has put a little doubt in my mind to be honest as the sonographer said part of the reason they want to wait before intervening is because the sac is still very small. For a fleeting moment I thought maybe it had just implanted late but I'm sure I would've still seen something by this point. When I got home today I googled my sac size and according to my own research, it's actually measuring bang on where it should be for 7 weeks so I feel reassured now that my consultant didn't make a mistake. I'm so sorry for your miscarriage experience but in a way I hope that mine ends naturally and quickly as yours did. I can't help but worry about the other embryos. We ended up having half ICSI as my husband had chemotherapy in his early 20s and it was a good job we did as only 1 out of 5 of the non-ICSI eggs fertilised. The embryologist said it looked like there was an communication issue between the egg and sperm as very few sperm attempted to get in to the eggs. Now I can't help but wonder if they're just not genetically compatible or there are issues with the sperm because of the chemo and forcing them together through ICSI is just making the issue worse. Certainly not blaming my husband at all but wondering now if it's a contributing factor. Without genetic testing in the 2nd cycle (if we have to go that far), we'll never know so I'm trying not to dwell on it. Like you, I'm going to focus on just taking some time for me for a bit. I have long cycles so I'm expecting it'll be a little while before we can do the next transfer anyway. Sending you lots of love too and would love to hear how you're getting on xx

I am glad it went as well as it could today considering the circumstances and they were kind there. I was also worried about work and it dragging out for weeks (as if we didn’t have enough already to worry about!). A lot of what I read of peoples experiences many started to bleed around day 4 - 5 ish after stopping the progesterone (which wasn’t far off for me) so really hoping things will get going soon for you. I totally get the just wanting it over. I couldn’t believe it when they said wait two weeks to officially confirm. I gathered it was a liability thing to cover themselves incase a baby miraculously appeared but I knew in my heart that wasn’t the case (if it was a non IVF pregnancy where dates could be questioned I would have waited it out).

Yes this was our first ever pregnancy. I have PCOS with virtually non existent periods but our real problem is male factor - extremely low sperm count and all other parameters low/poor, so we had ICSI. 25 eggs but only the four embryos made it to freeze, they all dropped off between days 3 - 5 which I believe is likely to be because of the poor sperm. And now with the miscarriage I went into panic mode googling DNA fragmentation etc and if the sperm issues could have caused this to happen. But the conclusion I came to from what I read (and to be honest for the sake of my mental state I’m just going to stick with for now atleast) is it did really just seem to be bad luck… chromosomal abnormality’s that could happen to any couples embryo. I even joined “blighted ovum support” Facebook group to have a read (and now swiftly left - I’ve had enough of depressing Facebook groups for this year lol) - and there were hundred of posts on there. It’s unfortunately really common I think, it’s not just solely people with sperm issues so that has given me some reassurance.

I think as it’s been several years now it all just feels so hopeless but I’m trying to think it’s literally only one attempt in that time we have had, that we had all our hopes pinned on but hasn’t worked and ended so sadly. The waiting through all this process as the months go by I also think the hardest bit.

Yes of course and likewise to you too. I don’t feel quite so alone in it all now xx

I filled in forms with the midwife at EPU for genetic testing. I think it can take weeks / months to come through. I need to follow up with the EPU to check on this. They referred me to recurrent miscarriage clinic but the consultant there replied to say I wasn't eligible due to weight / age and previous successful pregnancies. Told me to lose weight to mitigate risks and strongly advised to not let myself get pregnant once I am 45 (in April). My previous losses had been 12 years prior. I am worried they then also decided testing isn't worth the effort so need to follow up with the EPU. I may wait until the end of this cycle first. I had covid almost at the time the embryo stopped functioning and because of the underlying infertility it would be useful to know the genetics.

They are putting it down to age-related egg quality and I know it's not just that as luteal phase can be funny and think there are (always were) progesterone issues. When my cycles begin to regulate like this, it's when I can conceive so I actually think I'm at a fertile peak - more so than ttc me previous two. Clomid may have helped with DD2 in making the luteal phase more competent.

I have been taking supplements, good diet and I am 5dpo now with almost the exact same steep progesterone temp change on my chart as last time so this looks a very good (post miscarriage) cycle. Sometimes my temperature struggles to go up in the luteal phase or the luteal length can be slightly short. I'm going to do progesterone blood tests myself every 7 days alongside hcg if I have another positive test. I may go to a private clinic, but IVF isn't something that would help as I'd have better odds myself and wouldn't want to use donor eggs. I think more could be done to sustain or support a pregnancy from ovulation though.

The other thing is it takes time. Yesterday was the first day I really felt better, happy and more myself. Part of that will be hormonal, but for me there is always closure of getting into the next cycle.