Back to back second trimester losses

[MrsC2018]

Found out today that our baby girl has gone, I'm 15+5 and lost my little boy at 16 weeks in April. I know what's coming, I know I'll be induced etc but I'm just lost. How has this happened twice in 6 months? His autopsy showed nothing, our genetic testing was clear, we were told that it was very unlucky to have lost one in the second trimester. What does that make me for two?
Has anyone had this and gone on to carry to term?
I've not had any other losses and 2 other healthy children and the 12 week scans were perfect for the both that I've now lost. What do I do? It's madness to try again surely, but why is this happening?

[Sparklythings1]

Aww gosh I’m so so sorry you’re going through this 😢 That’s awful, and at the point where you start to almost think you’re ‘safe’ as you can be anyway. Was everything okay with the placenta etc? That’s the only thing I can think but I’m no expert, just didn’t want to read and not comment. It’s not the same but my friend had lots of miscarriages and was told after each one there was no reason and it was just random bad luck really. She went on to have a healthy baby with no complications but bad luck can just strike the same people multiple times it seems 😞 So so unfair. Thinking of you

[MrsC2018]

@Sparklythings1 thank you, grief is so lonely.
They found no reason for the last loss, swabbing of baby and I were both clear and placenta was fine. My bloods came back fine and his autopsy found no cause of death. It could be different with this one and perhaps they'll find a reason, but I don't know if that helps even. She's still gone.
He was born on the 8th of April and her due date was the 9th. I thought she was rainbow but she's my angel instead.
Just going to try and focus on that they will have each other

[Sparklythings1]

@MrsC2018 that’s so sad 😞 These things will never make any kind of sense to me. You think how can their be a reason any sort of ‘god’ or whatever you believe, would allow these things to happen ☹️ They will be together as you say. I’m sure you will go on to have a healthy baby in the future but it’s just such a difficult path when you’ve been through all of this. Sending love ❤️

[Snoo120190]

Hi OP firstly massive condolences on your losses, so sorry you've been through all that this year.
I'm shaking my head in disbelief at how scarily similar our recent experiences have been. I had my first devastating miscarriage this year in March at 17 weeks, got pregnant 6 weeks later and have just now went though a second late miscarriage at 20 weeks. I also have two healthy young children.
Just feeling utterly devastated and dejected at the minute, with no direction or reasons as to what has happened. I was also told my first baby was perfect from the testing, no obvious reasons. The doctors couldn't believe I then went on to lose another in the second trimester, after carrying 2 perfectly healthy pregnancies previously.
My second baby has been sent for post-mortem and I shouldn't expect results for at least 10 weeks they've said. In the meantime, I'm not to ttc again until we know more about what has caused these losses. It's so frustrating and disappointing.
I have heard from lots of the medical staff who dealt with us that the link between second term miscarriages and stillbirth and COVID is being seen so much more in the last year, pointing at COVID being the cause. I did have COVID in both these pregnancies so I can believe this may be true but it will be years and years before any research or studies are proven. I've also heard of a few cases locally where I live quite similar to this recently too.
It's all so sad and exhausting.
Sending love to you and I hope you're getting through the hard days x

[MrsC2018]

@Snoo120190 how can there be two of us. I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies, I'm sure you're the same, being pregnant with this 4th just held me up through the loss of our 3rd so I'm very overwhelmed at what these next few weeks and months are going to bring.
I'm going to have everything testing wise again so see if anything was missed last time. Covid wise, I had covid at the beginning of my pregnancy with my second in March 2020 and she is fine. I'm not aware of having covid in the pregnancy of my third and had it again at the beginning of this 4th pregnancy but before I knew I was even pregnant. I'll see what they say with me, but they didn't mention covid in our debrief meetings with my third.
Did you name your babies?
I can't believe I've got to go back into hospital to labour for a baby I can't bring home. Im just so sad and exhausted like you said. Pregnancy is a struggle for me, I'm very sick in the first trimester too, to keep putting myself through months of this to have empty arms is just awful.
Will you try again if they tell you you can? I think in my heart I want to, but in my head I know it's madness to put myself and our family through this seemingly never ending grief. Lots of love right back to you xx

[Anusername]

this is so so sad. I had two back to back early losses (but at 10-11 weeks) and the 2nd one is absolutely devastating. As op said I focused so much on my pregnancy after my first loss and thinking this won’t happen again. It’s madness to try again but I think I’ll try in the future. It’s the only way to make sense of it. So so sorry for your losses. It would be so much harder to go through this in the 2nd trimester. I’m sure you’ll have your rainbow baby waiting for you around the corner!

[Snoo120190]

@MrsC2018 sorry just seen this message now, how have you been getting through the week?
Have you delivered your baby? I hope you are doing as well as you can, such a tough time. Please take comfort in the fact that your baby exists and matters, I am thinking of you.

We named both babies but just kept the names private between ourselves. Nice to have something personal to refer to them to just us. Have you named your babies? I'd love to hear their names if you're willing to share x

[Snoo120190]

@MrsC2018 and to answer your question, yes I'll definitely try again as soon as I'm told it's OK to. I presume the doctors want to see the PM results first to make sure there are no genetic abnormalities that may affect a further pregnancy again. I really hope not, but am so scared for the opposite too as if there's nothing wrong then we can't do anything else to prevent it happening again. My mind is constantly whirling thinking this all through, it's so all-consuming. Everyone around me is pregnant or having babies at the minute too. My period had come back with a bang, 5 weeks on exactly. It has brought up mixed feelings too, probably hormone related but I feel a bit all over the place at the minute. However, I do feel extremely fit and healthy and very ready to try again physically. Mentally, if I did conceive again, I hope that the grief I feel from losing my most recent pregnancy wouldn't be covered up again with excitement and anxiety for a new pregnancy.
Hope that all makes sense

[MrsC2018]

@Snoo120190 thanks, I'm ok. Delivered baby just after midnight on Monday morning. Coped much better this time, think just knowing what would happen and what baby would look like took some of the stress out of the situation.

I love talking about them, but really try not to as I hate the idea of making people uncomfortable. Zac Henry and Ava Grace, I hope they're together and looking after each other.

As the week has passed I've become more clear that I've I would like to try again I think. This second loss wasn't as tough as the first, and I think I could actually cope if I lost a third and more importantly I think my marriage could also cope if we lost another so we'll probably try. I've not been told not to try again, but we had genetic testing after the first - the post mortem queried whether Zac had a syndrome so they tested us. He didn't and it didn't cause his death anyway, but as a result they tested us which I think we're lucky to have got after only one loss. I really identify with what you said though about scared for there to be something wrong as much as you're scared for there to be nothing wrong. It's so hard to believe that if second trimester losses are so unusual that it would happen twice if there's nothing wrong.

I feel the same, my mind is constantly whirring and going over what's happened and whether we should try again. I bought folic acid today, will start taking that again from tomorrow. My second baby was IVF, took us 5 years to get her and 5 transfers there was never anything wrong to explain the failure but I just needed her and we kept going and got her in the end. Im scared the infertility will come back almost as much as I'm scared we'll get pregnant again.

I think I'm just scared.

[Snoo120190]

@MrsC2018 beautiful names for your beautiful babies, Zac & Ava are definitely together looking after each other. We were able to bury one of our babies and it brings me such comfort to go to his grace and tell him that I know he and his sibling will be coming back to us in some shape of form. I just have to have faith I will have another baby - it's the only thing getting me through this stage.
I totally know what you mean when you say you're scared to put your family through this grief again if another pregnancy were to end too soon. I've been feeling so guilty for choosing to conceive both times when it's gone wrong as I feel I've used up so much NHS resources being in hospital, placed so much worry and stress on my family and feel I shouldn't push my luck again to ttc again.
You've got the added worry of fertility then too which is just a mind f*ck!! Aghhhh... would love to be a year on from now, where I'd know what my future holds instead of wishing and hoping my life away.
Have you used any local services or counselling available to you? I'm still on a list to talk with someone... it's 15 weeks waiting list atm! Ridiculous. I need to talk to someone just to even let my tears out, think I would feel so much better. I can't seem to allow myself to cry in front of loved ones and it builds up in me, where I cry alone in shower or at night

[MrsC2018]

@Snoo120190 thank you, I don't have a grave we made quick decisions in grief when Zac was born and I don't want to do different for Ava. We've put rose bushes in our garden after all of our children, just need to go and pick one for Ava when we're ready- I love that roses have different names and love picking the perfect one for each of them.

It's funny, I wish the same about just knowing what's coming. I feel guilty on the 2 children I have being so ill this year, could barely lift my head off the pillow through the summer holidays as tested positive at the end of July. The only reason we got a summer holiday at all was because I lost Zac and wanted to treat them. Managed to catch with Ava on that holiday.
What a mess this year has turned out to be! But, we had a holiday. I have bonfire night and panto tickets booked and a light festival booked for NYE. These kids will have fun, even if I'm crying after their bedtime. I need to not let this quest of mine for another baby affect the ones I'm lucky enough to have with me.

I've not accessed counselling, no real reason except I've just not got around to it I guess. I'm certainly not against it, I've just not prioritised it I think. I'm here if you want to PM me, I understand and it's not too much for me. I find it helpful to talk too xxx

[Snoo120190]

@MrsC2018 pmed you x

[Charlotte390]

Hi, I know this is an older post but I wondered if you had had any luck or answers? I just had a mmc 2 and a half weeks ago at 19 weeks, I'm still waiting on the PM results but convinced they won't find anything. This was my first pregnancy so it's been quite a traumatic time and I want a baby so much - even more so now, but we want to wait to get results back before we try again.

Im wondering if in my case it may have been incompetent cervix, as in hindsight I might have had some very subtle symptoms. Did you ever get checked for that?

I'm so sorry for your losses, it was hard enough losing one - our baby boy named Obi - but the thought of going through it again breaks my heart all over again. Sending lots of love Xx

[Sparklythings1]

@Charlotte390 sending you a big hug at what must be an awful time 😢 so sorry you’re going through this

[MrsC2018]

@Charlotte390 I'm so sorry, the shock and grief for the first one is absolutely overwhelming. I'm so very sorry this happened in your first pregnancy. Obi will forever be your baby boy 💙

I've had both debriefs and full testing, autopsies, swabbing and blood tests and nothing was ever found. I have no issue with my cervix, neither of mine were preterm labours though, the heartbeat stopped and then labour started.
I don't know what the hospital said to you, but they were clear with me that most don't get an answer. Im glad I did the full testing though to try to find out. I think for mine it was something with the placenta, nothing else makes sense - not that I'm an expert though. I'm pregnant again, around 9 weeks and all is (so far) ok and I've been started on progesterone, clexane and aspirin from 5 weeks. Plus extra scans and under the rainbow clinic consultant so just a waiting game now to see if I can get this one into my arms 🙏

I'm here if you want to talk about anything xx

[Charlotte390]

@Sparklythings1 thank you ❤️

@MrsC2018 oh that's so frustrating, I'm sorry there was never a cause found. Mine was also no heartbeat, then I was given the first of two pills to start labour, but went into labour that night before the second pill, so I don't know if it would have happened anyway or if that kicked it in. I was told that around 60% of the time they find out why, however after reading most people's experiences here I'm losing hope in finding a reason! To add insult to injury I'm now taking iron for anaemia after lots of blood loss after the MC and have been feeling rubbish this weekend - I think I might have developed BV or thrush from all the imbalance in my body! Back to the doctor tomorrow...

My anxiety is also through the roof these days worrying about when to start trying again, I'm 33 so I know it's not too late but simultaneously time isn't exactly on my side, I always wanted more than one but right now one healthy baby would be perfect 🧡

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending all my positive energy your way, I'm glad you've got some extra support and medication. I can only imagine how nerve wracking it is but I hope you find space to enjoy it where you can. And thank you for taking the time to reply :) xx

[MrsC2018]

@Charlotte390 I think for earlier losses it's usually chromosomal but for second trimester losses it's more tricky.
I've only just got off the iron and B12 supplements from the 2 losses, they wipe you out as you lose a lot of blood.
Do you have a bereavement midwife? She might be able to arrange a swab for you.

Theres no right answer about when to try again I think. You're right, you absolutely have time on your side (I'm 39 so genuinely don't!) but being pregnant again always helps me look forwards instead of backwards. People will have all sorts of opinions on what you should do, but they aren't you and don't know what it's like to leave the hospital without your baby. This is something for you and your partner to agree on when you're able to.