I had a miscarriage on Monday (3rd Oct) at 9+4, my body is still going through it and it's agonizing, but more mentally now. This is my 1st miscarriage (that i'm aware of), and i need help.
It was an unplanned pregnancy, and I'd only known for about a week, just long enough to really rationalise having another baby so soon. Both of my birth's have not been the most pleasant of experiences, so this was a bit of a hurdle for me.
We have 2 wonderful kids (5 and 1), this 3rd would also have been difficult financially, not enough to send us under, but enough so life would not have been so comfortable anymore.
I was terrified and almost regretful, at first all I could think was how much pressure this was going to put us under, I felt like an idiot for letting this happen, I feel awful saying it, it was a 5 minute meltdown staring at a stick.
But then I had this wave of excitement, we were expanding, there would just be more love to give.
I'd held off telling my boyfriend the news though, i'm not entirly sure why.
But now that love isn't there anymore and, my boyfriend doesn't know anything all and I have these horrific conflicting feelings of relief and guilt and pain and sadness. When I saw her I just crumbled.
You know that feeling when you feel the baby moving for the first time, those flutters, I can feel that. I know it's not there but I can feel it.
I just don't know what to do.
I don't know what I should be feeling or if these mixed feelings are ok and I'm breaking right now.