Reconsidering job after traumatic miscarriage

[Bluey20]

Hi all,
I was just wondering if any of you had experienced this or if you had any advice for me x I sadly lost my precious baby just over a week a go and I’ve been signed off work, tbh I’m really struggling.
I’m also a teacher and the thought of continuing teaching makes me feel incredibly anxious, I just don’t feel I have capacity for it anymore. It’s not the sort of job where I can hide behind a computer if I’m feeling like I’m going to cry.

We had been trying to conceive for years and have suffered a previous loss which was also incredibly traumatic and involved a hospital stay. I guess I was just wondering if anyone has also struggled to carry on with their job after a miscarriage. Thanks so much x

You don't sound anywhere near ready to go back. I am also a teacher. I had a loss jut over a week ago (9wks MMC, but it stopped developing at 6-7 weeks). I had two weeks signed off, but going back today as I feel a lot better over the weekend and feel that routine will help me. I have a supportive school though and colleagues knew I was pregnant as I have a history of losses so it was easier to be transparent about the anxiousness and stress. I'm nervous about making other people uncomfortable and very nervous about being in big groups of adults (not so much the kids).

When ttc my second child I actually left my previous job. It was partly that I worked in the same place as my husband and I just couldn't cope with ttc and work on top. I took a big career drop really because of that, but we do anyway when our kids are little. In retrospect that was a hell of a lot to give up in terms of security and progression.

Try and get signed off for as long as you need to. This week I just plan on being kind to myself.

Sorry about your loss. Yes I carried on with my job after, I actually found it a welcome distraction. If you’re struggling though get signed off for longer or negotiate a phased return.

I’m so sorry about your loss ❤️

I’ve had 2 MC in 2 cycles, the first one I was signed off and in that time I didn’t want to go back at all. However when I started to feel better I was actually so desperate to get back. Then in my second miscarriage I didn’t get signed off, I worked through it and it made me want to take a dramatic change and change roles. Now I’m at the other side I know I was desperate to change something in my life because I felt so out of control with the MCs.

be kind to yourself, don’t rush anything & take as much time off as you need. X

So so sorry for your loss!

I had a MMC at 10 weeks last Nov '21 and didn't go back to work until Jan '22 (physical recovery was v long for me and emotionally could not face it).
I'm not a teacher but work in education and have found it very hard working in a pressured, fast paced, deadline environment and facing children and pregnant colleagues/educators who love talking about it because their life is all about children at times.

I've really tried to make it work but it's been a tough year (I've been in therapy for a while now which is helping) and I'm leaving my job at the end of the year. So I'd say no, you're not alone in it. Do what you know will work for you.

I did try to listen to others who said work will help/distract/give you structure, but it actually just hasn't given me the space to heal emotionally and I'm not doing anything well (well I don't think so). So think about what will be best for you and you may go on a bit of journey to find that out, and that's okay too. Xx

Teacher here also. I was signed off for a long time after second mc in a row, traumatic and isolating during Covid. There's no way I could have functioned in a classroom... I thought I had a degenerative disease as I was constantly twitching.
I had 6 weeks off and a phased return. Give yourself time, it's very early days. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's utterly devastating.

Thank you so, so much to you all for your advice- I really appreciate and it’s been so helpful. I’m
also sorry for all your losses.
im going to ask for a phased return when I go back and I’m hoping that will help. Unfortunately, I have to give a whole terms notice and it needs to be at the start of the term so the earliest I can leave is Easter which seems pretty unfair considering the trauma. (It’s not even October half term yet!) And especially as I feel like the trauma has been ongoing due to my previous loss and the fact it took years to conceive this time. It’s just a bit disappointing that they can’t make any allowances but I guess it will give me more time to work out if actually I feel I can cope.
I just miss my tiny baby so much 💔

@Bluey20 the feeling of hollow emptiness is impossible to describe. You're a mother from the second you find out you're pregnant and you ache with missing them. I'm so, so sorry.

I had counselling with a charity called PETALS https://petalscharity.org and it really helped me.

Just do whatever you need to do to get through the days at the moment

Oh @Bluey20 I am sorry you lost your baby.

I don't think you can decide anything right now, it is only a week. You need to stay off work a while longer and just rest and take care of yourself. Ask the doctor to sign you off for longer to give time to process.

Thank you so much @glowingtwig and @lannistunut for your kind words. I’m going to look into PETALS, thank you so much for recommending it to me.
thank you again everyone- I really appreciate it.

I’m in a similar situation and finding it very hard to decide what to do. May I ask if you have changed your role in the end? thank you

@HalWin2221 I’m in a similar situation and finding it very hard to decide what to do. May I ask if you have changed your role in the end? thank you

@Anusername hope you’re ok ❤️ I didn’t change roles in the end & I’m so glad I didn’t. I think I was just trying to change/take control of something in my life after the MCs but I know the role I’m in is what I love to do.

@HalWin2221 thanks for your reply! I guess everyone’s situation is a bit different. I really resent my current job so I guess the whole situation is made worse because of work…now with 2 consecutive miscarriages and a job that I resent, I think changing roles might be the best…

Yes this happened to me. Is been teaching 14 years. I lost a baby at 11 weeks. I was in a really difficult school at the time, lots of stress and I hated the impact it had on me and the dc I already had. I resigned. Didn’t have a job to go to but luckily had a dh that could support ( just about). I did get pregnant straight away again and it stuck, also I had suffered with hideous migraines for years. These magically disappeared when I left teaching. If you already resent the job this may just be the push you need. There is life after teaching.

I’d not is

@Anusername if you’re not happy in your work then you should think about changing roles. We spend to much time at work to hate it ❤️ hope you’re okay. Reoccurring miscarriage is so difficult. I’m 19 weeks currently, so please don’t give up. I know it’s hard to think the worse but I’m sure your rainbow is coming! 🌈 x

@HalWin2221 thank you so much for your kind words. Congrats on your pregnancy! It’s just very difficult to leave a job without having one lined up. I hope I can come out from this tunnel and see things more clearly!

@Eatentoomanyroses I fear leaving my career would make me less employable. We cannot afford me not working for long time. It’s ok financially for 1 or 2 years. But I find it difficult to let go of my job.. may I ask if you have returned to the workplace afterwards?

@Eatentoomanyroses aw you’ve given me hope!! I leave at Easter and I’m really hoping that once I’ve left teaching, I’ll be able to get pregnant. I also don’t have a job to go to but I’ve started looking! X
@Anusername I am so sorry for your losses. There are just no words. I’m not sure if you read my earlier messages but I had an ectopic then had two years without being able to fall pregnant and then I had a miscarriage in September. Both times I fell pregnant in August right in the middle of the summer holidays! You need to do whatever is right for you. I know it’s hard to know what that is but give yourself some time. For me, I just know that I no longer can cope with the job alongside this trauma anymore but some people find it helpful to be super busy and in a routine etc. x
Congratulations @HalWin2221 !! X

@Anusername yes, I went back to work when the baby was nearly one. I work in children/ family services very part time.

@Bluey20 sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I had two consecutive losses last year with D&C. I went back work very soon (less than a week after operations) and work was a distraction (although I resented it) but now it was only temporary. The pain has never gone and I have never got the time to heal. I feel Im broken inside. So now im thinking whether I should take some time off to allow myself to heal.. hope you have got some time to just settle and focus on yourself..