Missed / Silent Miscarriage - what to expect and the length of time

[HarriC]

Hello everyone, I'm looking for other people's experiences on MMC :( . I have just been told I am having one...

I am/should be 10 weeks today, but at 8+4 I started spotting light pink, and it continued every day with a mixture of light pink, brown, red, but nothing like a normal period, and a few very bright red string-like mini clots. I called the doctor the first day it started and she told me to do bed rest for 1 week and call the GP back if it continued or got worse.

Note my sickness was bad at 6 weeks, then pretty much disappeared and no sore boobs etc.

It continued and 9+1 I called again as it was 'definitely red blood' albeit it was still light and hardly anything on a liner/pad. She said as I've had blood, I need to go the early pregnancy unit in the hospital for an internal scan. That was booked in for 9+4.

I went in with my DH and two consultants and 1 nurse were (thank goodness) absolutely amazing. They did the internal scan, and the CRL measurement was only 6mm. There was a foetus there, but sadly no heartbeat - he checked the measurements a few times to make sure :(

I asked what week that CRL size (6mm) matched, and he said 'about 6 weeks'. He said he 'cannot call it a definite miscarriage until 7mm' and that I would have to wait another week (ergh) for another internal scan for him to be able to confirm 100%. I googled what CRL length I should have at 9+4 and it is 22mm, so I don't know why he couldn't confirm to me there and then that it was 100% gone.

I feel horrific, sad, and confused, and also the brown spotting has stopped, well it is sometimes there when I wipe, but pretty much gone.

So on 10+4 is my next and final scan. I just don't know how long I am meant to wait for it to pass naturally, it is really upsetting to me that I still have it inside me, but it hasn't survived. It's really messing with my head. I assume, even though he couldn't confirm as they legally have to do two scans, that it has definitely gone due to the size and the lack of heartbeat - but I'm paranoid that it hasn't as he said 'it's incredibly likely, but we have to do a scan 7 days later to be able to confirm. I just don't know what to think, and I'm scared to even have a glass of wine to try and calm down, but I think I'm just kidding myself.

I've been reading that it can take 5/6 weeks to pass, and I don't know if I can handle that. I have no mild/light cramping anymore either.

If anyone could help, advise or anything, I'd be eternally grateful, thank you xx

this happened to me. I am so sorry for you. If you are given the choice of having a surgical approach (ERPC) then I urge you in the strongest terms to take it. You’ll know nothing and feel cleansed and it’s good for your body. Be aware that you can experience significant pain and bleeding if you do pass naturally and might need medical help so don’t be afraid to seek it. It will seem devastating now but you will come through this. Drink the wine, I wouldn’t worry about that. Best of luck.

I am sorry you are going through this. I opted for the tablets - I didn’t want to wait for it to pass naturally. It was painful but manageable with painkillers and it passed quickly. I just wanted to be back to normal as soon as possible.

Firstly let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I’ve had three miscarriages, each quite a different experience. My first was just before my 12 week scan and after the scan to confirm it, everything passed itself like a period. My second was like yours, I had to go back after an agonising week to confirm it. They offered me tablets that encourage your cervix to open and for everything to contract and pass. It was very painful but over and done with in a few hours. I would recommend that route if you can. Stock jp on strong painkillers, put a dark towel in bed and rest up. Be kind to yourself, cry, shout, sleep, do whatever it takes you get t through this. I promise you the pain you feel now won’t be forever.

@MarthanotMarfa thank you, I'm so sorry you went through this too :(. Good advice, and I agree with you. I'm going to have a big glass of red this evening. It's just so weird, I know it's impossible for it to be able to survive at that size with how far gone I'm meant/was meant to be and no heartbeat, but it's so weird knowing it is still there - and hideous that they can't tell you without a second scan. This is what I can't handle. So, I hope that on Thursday at the scan they will offer it to me, rather than expecting me to wait even longer. By Thursday, I would have been carrying it without life for 4.5 weeks, which is just a really sad thought.

@Iusedtobedontcall thank you so much. I just want it to pass now, so I can start moving forward x

Sorry for this. I took the tablets which failed. So ended up having a D&C. With hindsight I should have had the surgery as it prolonged the whole inevitable.

@frangipani13 Sorry you have had such a hard time :( x Good advice, especially re towel. I'm scared to go out of the house, even to a friend's house, just in case it suddenly starts when I'm not at home! I'm just confused why my spotting has drastically decreased, but everyone and every body is so different, no medical staff can seem to give me an answer on that.

@Crimsonripple Oh no, that sounds awful and even more added stress for you, I'm os sorry. I think I'm going to definitely go with the D&C option by the sounds of it, it's been so long already, I can't wait potentially another 3 weeks or so for it to 'possibly pass naturally'.

Yes all in all from start to finish it lasted 6 weeks due to the scan checks, seeing if it would pass naturally, then doing medical management, then waiting 3 weeks to do a test to then find out I was still 'pregnant' to then the surgery. It was a long 6 weeks and by the time my surgery was booked in I just wanted it all to be over.

@Crimsonripple I don't blame you at all, it feels like an eternity just waiting until Thursday morning, let alone 6 weeks. I just need to be head strong until Thursday I guess, and request surgery rather than tablets. Are there any additional risks (apart form obvious) for surgery, regarding future pregnancies etc, or is it OK?

So sorry for your loss OP
I had a MMC last March- such a horrible time. Similarly to you they had said they had to wait a set amount of time to re scan before offering any abortion options. I had already had a scan privately prior which is why I then went to EPU because private scan showed no heart beat and so to essentially have to have 3 scans total and do all that waiting was torturous. I kicked up a bit of a fuss at the EPU and said after 1st nhs scan that I felt like they were forcing me to continue with a pregnancy which we all knew wasn't viable and it was really damaging my mental health. The EPU nurse was amazing and said that they couldn't bypass their protocols of 2 nhs scans 7-10 days apart but she would schedule my chosen abortion option in advance and that way I wouldn't then have another week or so wait after 2nd nhs scan. I was so grateful and this sped up the process as it meant I had nhs scan 2 Friday and then a d and c 4 days later.
Similar to PPs I do recommend a d and c- it ensures that a complete abortion takes place and you can opt for general anaesthetic which I had and so you aren't awake or aware of anything.
I had minimal bleeding post surgery and ovulated 16 days after surgery so it didn't interfere with my cycle at all. I was very lucky to fall pregnant immediately with my rainbow baby who is currently napping next to me at 8 months old.
Sending you lots of strength to get through this hard time xx

No risks. I didn't really bleed after it either. Felt more wobbly because of the anaesthetic. My period return, albeit pretty heavy (like after your first period after having a baby), quite soon afterwards. The medical management was actually more harrowing as you pass so much (god knows what when my failed!). Hang on in there! Xx

@HarriC hey, so sorry for your loss 😣 I opted for medical management, it took a few days to work but I was glad I went for that option. The consultants I had were quite against surgery for me, they never said I couldn’t have it but kept saying that as I’m young and don’t have any children previously they didn’t want to risk scarring and causing future fertility problems! This would of panicked me too much hence why I persisted with medical management instead!