Natural miscarriage - still bleeding 4 weeks later - wedding abroad

[luci3lou]

Hi all
I lost our baby at 11 weeks but it was a natural miscarriage. It took 5 days after the scan to start the MC. It started on 4th August.

Im still bleeding now, the prolonged nature is so painful. It's nearly 4 weeks later. Im at my husbands brothers wedding in Portugal also - we came out last week and staying in a big villa for a few more days. No one but my in laws know that we had a miscarriage but they don't know it's still going on with the fact I'm still bleeding and they haven't even mentioned it since we been here.

My husbands been pretty unsupportive I feel; he was meant to let his mum know as a heads up to why I am not feeling 100 % ie that I am still miscarrying but he hasn't.

I feel wretched quite simply. So lost and broken and it's still going on and I have to keep playing happy (failing miserably) because we are at this family wedding abroad.

I am also now worried because the miscarriage has been 4 weeks. It's been horrific emotionally and physically it's just been draining. I'm struggling a lot. My husband and I are in a bad place and this wedding abroad feels like a magnifier on our relationship. I don't know what to do whether I should try to book in for a scan for when I go back to the UK.

I had a scan the Friday before we came in holiday - there was no time for the medical management and I decided against the operation as I didn't really ever want to go down this route and because of the general anaesthetic and flying a day later.

I feel alone and broken. Im sorry to share this but on this holiday I have no one to share this with as no one knows what feels like a 'dirty secret' that I am still having the miscarriage and this is the reason why I am struggling

My husband doesn't really get it - there is so much socialising on this holiday and it's draining me so much as I am also an introvert at the best of times.

Any advice much appreciated x

💐I don't think people always understand how difficult and lonely it is to lose a baby. It is bad enough in your own home with nothing else going on, let alone somewhere abroad for a "happy event" for others, especially if you are experiencing physical symptoms too and have nobody you can talk to. Even if they DO know, they can end up saying the wrong thing, yet with good intentions. Please don't worry about what others think of you (not being as sociable etc.). People are generally self-obsessed and won't overly notice. Look after No. 1 this time, and let your OH give the reasons if he feels he needs to. I'm no medic, and maybe someone can come along with better advice, but yes, when you get back just get checked out, I am not sure you still should be bleeding, at least not heavily. My reference is natural MC at 15 weeks and Stillborn at 23 weeks with medical intervention. It is along time ago, and I can't really remember how long I bled for, but 4 weeks sounds a lot. Sending hugs x

@sjpkgp1 thank-you so much for your kind comment.
It's been really hard. I just can't wait to get home. My hub and hasn't been giving excuses - physically I feel ok I am bleeding but not heavily but emotionally I'm being ground down especially as there are so many late nights - his family are very intense.
Thank you x

@sjpkgp1 I'm sorry to hear about your two loses also and I agree it can be so painful. I had a miscareiage at the beginning of the year too. I appreciate you taking the time to share your story with me - we as women are strong and we can go through so much - sharing amongst us certainly helps xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and I remember how awful it was. I had a medical management and it was incredibly sad and painful, both emotionally and physically.

You do need to get this checked out. There's a chance there may be something still in there, (possibly placental tissue) that's causing the bleeding.
When I had my medical management, everything came away, and the baby and placenta fully passed (they checked this at the time), but the midwives did say if I was still bleeding after a couple of weeks to contact them Incase there was anything left behind, they would be able to check this.

They also advised to do a pregnancy test 3 weeks later to check this to. (I didn't do a pregnancy test as the bleeding stopped after a week or so).

I hope you're ok. And that you get some support. Please do get checked out, just to be on the safe side.

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage, and the really difficult situation. It’s disappointing your husband isn’t more supportive, although I know so many guys who deal with bad thing by carrying on and pretending they didn’t happen.

Do you have travel insurance or the money to pay for a consultation? If yes, I’d go to a local gynaecologist and get checked out. If not then definitely go as soon as you’re back.

Just say you’re not feeling well, stay in your room and binge watch something if you don’t feel like being around happy families - no-one will blame you and as another poster says, people tend to be busy with themselves and not even notice.

Body and soul will start to heal but it’ll take some time x

Hi @luci3lou

Im really sorry to hear what you are going through and that your husband isn’t more supportive.

I bled for 8 weeks after my missed miscarriage, the last 2 weeks I was on holiday in France. I know how soul destroying it is to wake up every morning and find out it is still not over. My first 4 weeks of bleeding were due to retained tissue, and the second 4 weeks of bleeding were after surgery and when it finally stopped the nurse said it just took my body longer than everybody else. So it’s not a “normal” amount of time to bleed but it could be fine. I phoned the EPU many times during those 8 weeks and as long as it wasn’t very heavy bleeding or smelly they didn’t seem overly concerned. (I had some scans as well though)

There are a few things you could think about doing:

• as somebody else suggested, take a pregnancy test. It’s not conclusive but mine was a clear positive after the first 4 weeks, indicating retained tissue, but then 3 weeks later even though I was still bleeding it was fainter, giving my hope it wasn’t retained tissue and my body was returning to normal
• phone the EPU. Mine told me to phone if I still had a positive test 3 weeks after surgery. I was on holiday at the time but they booked me in for a scan the day after I got home
• you can go to a hospital in Portugal to get scanned. My EPU said I didn’t have to get a scan in France as my bleeding was light, but they said it would be a good idea. I phoned my travel insurance who found a hospital for me. Not going to lie, it was difficult navigating a French hospital but they did scan me (no charge as they took my passport details) and said there was still blood to come out but the doctor wasn’t worried, so it was reassuring
• the other thing I found helped which isn’t easy was just accepting I was going to keep on bleeding every day and there was nothing I could do about it whilst on holiday. I stopped hoping that the bleeding would stop and I expected it to keep going, and instead I focussed on enjoying my holiday. Once I had changed my mindset I found it easier to deal with, and knowing that I had the scan booked in for when I got home to sort it out

Of course my bleeding finally stopped on the last day of my holiday!

I hope you are doing ok, you can get through this.