Not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this but grateful for anything anyone can offer. Fully aware many people have it much worse but I feel like I need to get it out somewhere.
I/we suffered a mmc at 10 weeks earlier this year, after seeing the heartbeat on a scan at 7.5 weeks. We had been trying for 18 cycles when I fell pregnant so we had had fertility testing, no issues found on my side but there was MFI (low count, motility & morphology). We were told we would need ICSI and were waiting for the appointment to get the ball rolling when we found out I was pregnant. Fertility testing and treatment would have been done privately - DH has a child from a previous relationship.
The mmc itself was horrific although 'uneventful' if you can call it that. Within a few days of spotting starting I had passed the pregnancy naturally and didn't need any intervention, so I was pleased my body did what it needed to do, although horrific all the same.
Now to the present, I am just not coping. We're on cycle 5 ttc again and so far nothing. In a few months we will have been trying 2 years and I just don't know where to draw the line. My would-be due date is drawing closer and I just feel desperately sad all the time, I can't see any hope in carrying on trying. I don't know if I can honestly say to myself or my husband that I can keep doing this for another 18 months. I've considered restarting our fertility clinic referral, which will probably mean repeating all the tests and heading back down the route of ICSI, but the cost is not as comfortable for us as it was at the beginning of the year (cost of living - I know a lot of people are struggling).
Does it ever get easier? With every cycle that goes on I get more and more down, every period hits me like a ton of bricks and takes me right back to the miscarriage. I've started tracking with OPKs and BBT again to see if my body is at least doing what it should be as my cycles still don't feel 'normal'. I don't get the same PMS as I did before pregnancy, and my periods are much heavier but shorter - is this normal at this stage or should they have settled by now?
Again I'm not sure what I'm hoping for here, but any words of advice/wisdom would be gratefully received x