Early miscarriage - advice?

[B1993]

found out 1.5 weeks ago that I was pregnant and today I'm having an early miscarriage. I would have been exactly 5 weeks tomorrow. I feel so much grief and sadness and I don't know what to do.

I'd worked out the baby's due date and thought about when I'd have my 12 and 20 week scan. What gender he/she might be and planned how old my 3 year old would be when they were born.

He knew about the pregancy - which in hindsight might have been a mistake so early on. Yesterday he wanted to play music to the baby, which he did, lovingly holding the toy phone to my belly. It filled me with so much joy and now the memory fills me with so much grief and sadness.

I'm at a loss and any words of wisdom here might help me make sense of all of this.

I don't really know what to say except I can totally relate, it's not the loss that upset me.so.mich but the loss of the future I'd already imagined. Sending hugs x

@BlondePotter Yes, I think that’s what’s so hard for me - I already had imagined and planned so much in my mind of what the rest of my journey and even family life would be like and feel like the rugs been pulled from under me.

Can I ask a very personal question? Did you try again immediately after your loss? I don’t want to wait as I’m worried it may take a long time.

@B1993 I actually only had my surgery yesterday so not yet. I'm not sure, 2 days ago I couldn't imagine having sex again, today I'm not sure. My feelings change so quickly, I'm just going to see how the next couple weeks go 💕

I've had 2 early miscarriages this year. After the 2nd I got pregnant straight away and am now almost 9 weeks 🤞 if you feel happy to try again then go for it. It's nerve wracking and stressful as always worried that I'm going to loose this one.

@BlondePotter I can only imagine that needing surgery adds another level of sadness. I hope that when you do feel ready, you get your rainbow quickly… I hope we both do! 🌈

@Mummy2C HUGE congratulations! It gives me a lot of hope. I hope it does happen quickly for me too because I think it will personally help me move forward. Although you’re right, I was very anxious already so, if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I think I’m constantly going to worried.

@B1993 so so sorry you’re going through this. I actually just saw your post on the April due thread that I was on as well, and was then searching for early miscarriage threads as I’m going through the same and this came up. I got carried away and had worked out due dates etc in week 5 and told close family too.
I have no useful advice sorry but sending hugs x

@KaeBee I'm sorry for you too! It's nice just to have people who understand and can empathise. I feel like I've done nothing but cry for the last two days. Even the normal things like getting up and dressed have been such an effort. My mind is completely consumed by it and I'm not sure how to accept it other than to move forward and try again. Even that feels like it's never going to happen - I tested pustule this morning and seeing those 2 lines made me so excited but now they just feel like a cruel joke.

How are you holding up? x

Aw no, I haven’t tested yet, I’ve been told to test in a week but that it might be positive then too due to lingering hormones ☹️
Be kind to yourself, it’s hard to be optimistic in the midst of it, especially with all the cramping and disappointment. Xx

@KaeBee I think I should stop testing too - another postive this morning which doesn't seem to be much (if any lighter) than my others. I think the hormones are going to stay in my system too so will try not testing again for a week.😞 It's such a confusing time - I prayed (not literally as we're not religious) for those two pink lines everyday and now I'm praying they go so I can move forward. It's all such a mix of emotions. 😢

That sounds like a good idea to wait a bit longer between tests. I think if it’s still positive in weeks they might investigate but in my case it sounds unlikely it will be.
I read something around people potentially being slightly more fertile for a few months after this which I would take with a pinch of salt as I’m not sure it’s remotely true but who knows. Whilst I’m really disappointed this time about what could have been, I’ve got my ovulations tests ready 😆

I had a missed miscarriage in July, and I can understand your post. Im sorry for your loss - it’s devastating.

Try to remember, You’re not alone in this, there are many of us who are strangers but are here for support if you need xx

So sorry for your loss OP. ❤ Just because it was early, does not mean it isn't difficult, sad and emotional. Sadly MC is very common, I've read between 1/3 and 1/4 pregnancies, but women rarely discuss it- until it happens to them. I'm sure if you speak to friends and family, you might be surprised how many have gone through similar.I'm saying it makes it easier BTW.

With my 1st pregnancy, I too thought about due dates, scans etc. Its a normal thing, to want to plan ahead and think about the future. Unfortunately, I've lost 3 and have no living children.

The following links can be helpful in terms of making a special place/memorial for your loss, supportive advice and also have phone lines if you would like to speak to someone.

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/miscarriage-information-and-support/support-after-miscarriage

Excuse typos. I meant that just because its very common, do NOT make it easier to go through ❤

@Kappi and @MarmiteCoriander Thank you for the support 💜 I really think the thing that I found most difficult is that my dream of what was/could have been was torn away.

Luckily my bleeding seems to be stopping and I've only had some spotting today. I think that's helping as it was a constant reminder of loss and how much my body had failed my baby. I'm planning on testing tomorrow morning just to see where I am with that. I'm hoping it's negative, which sounds awful when I say that aloud, but I think I need to see that it is so I can fully move on. All week I've been wishing it's all a big mistake and I'll see strong lines when I test again. My head knows it's impossible and I know I miscarried but my heart still wishes it wasn't true. 😞

As the loss was very early we want to start trying soon and would prefer not to take a break. I think, for me, that will give me something good to hold onto as my brain is still focused on the miscarriage and I can't seem to think about much else. Although I also am quite anxious about being pregnant again as I don't think my heart could handle a second loss.

Sorry for the essay - I'm kind of using this page as a diary, I think. It definitely helps using it as a sounding board and knowing I have the support of other women who have been through it themselves.

I can understand that too, once the bleeding had stopped I was hoping for the negative test to sort of signify the end of the physical side of things. Of course the emotional side of things is different for everyone.

my negative took just over 3 weeks to happen, using both the internet cheap strips and the digitals. What I’m saying is, it can take a little while and in retrospect testing as often as I did was probably unhelpful. But I do really get that at the moment you want to try - I was the same. It’s a way of trying to look to the future when the present is painful.

we’re here if you need anything at all - or if you’d rather your post continued as your own diary then I’m sure others would respect that also.

Lots of love your way,

@Kappi I took a test this morning - I'd been up a few hours earlier so maybe it wasn't the most concentrated sample but the line was barely there. I hope that's a good sign that it won't be too much longer now. I do think that because I wasn't quite 5 weeks, it shouldn't take too long to leave my system anyways.

I'm back at work tomorrow for the new term so I'm hoping that will provide a distraction since it's still playing in my mind constantly.

@B1993 so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I just wanted to add that please don’t feel like it was a mistake to tell your toddler. You were pregnant, you were excited and hopeful for the future, and you should absolutely be able to share that with him. Just because the worst has happened shouldn’t taint those happy memories in the last week.
I experienced similar at the beginning of the year and I’d also told my toddler and then had to explain that I was feeling sad because the baby wasn’t growing properly and wouldn’t be able to come out of my tummy to live with us (or something like that). We tried again straight away and I’m now 5 months. Sending you lots of love right now xx

Did you do any testings after your second miscarriages? I had my second miscarriages and wondered if I should do some testing before trying again 😑