A hard few weeks

[JP400]

Hi I’ve just been through a termination of pregnancy for fetal abnormality 20+6. At my 20 week scan I was told my baby had alobar holoprosencephaly and was told there was a very poor prognosis and that I wouldn’t make it to full term.

After an emotional few days the decision was made to terminate and I gave birth to a little girl. As she showed signs of life her death was classed as a neonatal death and the funeral was this week. The heartbreak of going to your babies funeral is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I’m lost. I also have a son who is 11 months old and feel like he is the only one getting me out of bed. I have no motivation to do anything. People ask me if I’m okay and I’m not.

anyone have any coping advice 🥺

I’m so sorry you have gone through this. From one grieving mother to another, take each moment at a time and be gentle with yourself. If all you can do is breathe that is ok.

Did you name, get to hold your little girl?

I had a TFMR too and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done. I wasn’t as far along as you but it was still it sucks. I can’t even begin to imagine having to give birth. I’m so sorry for you loss and the trauma you have had to go through.

It’s ok to feel empty and numb, I did and it’s a strange feeling. I then felt angry, sad and overwhelmed at times. I had a desire to get pregnant quickly but that ended in miscarriage and I was so negative and scared, I don’t think I had really processed the termination.

Have you spoken to ARC? www.arc-uk.org
I would highly recommend ringing them and just crying down the phone, I have multiple times. They can also suggest specific councilling that might be useful.

sending you the biggest hug and please understand it’s not your fault. You have done nothing wrong, it’s just shit luck!

Also wanted to say i have booked a session with these people: helphopehealing.co.uk

Not sure how good it will be but thought it’s worth a shot. When you feel upto it, some counselling might be good

@RogersOrganismicProcess Yes I held her for a while after giving birth and went back the following day to see her at the hospital. It still seems so surreal. I called her Evie. I’m sorry for your loss aswell.

@Mglass I’m sorry to hear you went through a similar experience, it really is hard. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks a few years ago so know that is also difficult to go through. This loss just feels so much more painful but that’s probably because I went through labour. I feel guilt, sadness and loneliness. I have a great support network around me, I just feel like because they haven’t been through a loss they don’t understand how I feel.
No I Haven’t spoken with them. I had lots of leaflets given to me by the hospital about support group but haven’t felt like going through them. I will defo give them a call and try navigate this difficult time.

@Mglass are you going through counselling yourself? If so, do you think it helps? I speak to my partner mainly and my mum but just feel like they don’t fully understand.

@JP400 I’ve just signed up for some counselling, I don’t think I was quite ready before now. I did give ARC really useful and just hearing I wasn’t alone was nice. I have my first seasons over the next few days so If I remember I will come back and let you know how it goes

I am so sorry. That sounds truly devastating. I know not everyone believes in the power of homeopathy but from different trauma I have found great comfort in this practice.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I had a tfmr at 22 weeks in November. My daughter Evelyn was also born with signs of life so too had a funeral. I found my emotions extremely difficult to express in a way that people could understand and to be honest I didn’t fully understand how I felt. . I spoke with a counsellor, which did help but I truly believe that time was what helped most. Be kind to yourself and take time.

I don’t know if you’ve already seen but theres some good instragram pages, particular tfmrmamas. I found seeing the snippets of information/quotes from there really useful.

Take care x

@Mglass i hope counselling works out for you. My bereavement midwife said they offer counselling after 6 week which will be in two weeks as it’s a 4 weeks today since it happened 🙁 I think I will give it a go what’s the worst that can happen

@Hopingforsun12 so sorry for your loss aswell. What a lovely name Evelyn is. I defo have good and bad days at the moment with bad outweighing the good.

I’m waiting to hear from the hospital about genetic testing so feel nervous to go back to
Hospital for them.

i will have a look on instagram for the page. Thanks very much