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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Sorry to ask

19 replies

Scorpio8 · 16/08/2022 08:40

I am sorry to ask some of you going through hell right now. Or have been through hell.

Did your gut tell you something wasn't right before having the scan? Or was it was a shock?

Did you tell midwife, EPU and maybe GP and was fobbed off and then you were totally right?

My heart does go out to you all.

OP posts:

blibbyblobb · 16/08/2022 13:43

Hi @Scorpio8

Having followed your previous posts and messages, im wondering what is the purpose of this post? Are you looking for reassurance? Would you be able to accept if evryone said no they wasn't worried?

I understand u have been through a difficult journey in the past which is making your current journey more anxiety provoking. I honestly, as a psychotherapist would really recommend looking at some support for your anxiety as i can see this anxiety is very difficult for u at the moment. I really do not mean to sound mean, apologies if it comes across like that but all these resurrance seeking questions are very unhelpful for you and in reality can make make the anxiety worse.

You have a feeling something isn't right in your pregnancy and no can say you are right or wrong, but if evryone says yes they were worried.. You would be more anxious.. If everyone says no, you will fail to believe it and seek reassurance elsewhere... Therefore the anxiety is still going to be there, and keep getting bigger .. Getting support can help break out this cycle, i have even gone for support due to my own anxiety/fear that something is wrong when scans tests are saying otherwise so i can empathise with this horrible anxiety pregnancy brings.

Wish you all the best

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 16/08/2022 14:22

@blibbyblobb

It actually doesn't matter to be honest. I do feel bad shouldn't have posted here.

People have always posted on here they didn't feel right with pregnancy and it doesn't make me a bad person to ask this. Many people have got the answers to their thread. Just some nasty, dismissive people here.

I already know the answer as some people have had that feeling and been completely right and others have and been wrong and all okay. I hope I am wrong but won't know that until Thursday.

So thanks for your response I already know as people have asked and haven't been treated like I have on here.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 16/08/2022 14:34

@blibbyblobb

Before you comment think is it helpful or no. Like I have said I have been reading threads where people have felt like I have.
I must come across like a teenager newly pregnant and this my third pregnancy. I know my f in body.
Other posters don't get the same bs on here.
I am so glad my midwife understand I am anxious got my scan brought it forward understands the how having a stillborn makes someone feel. You have no idea.
I do need counselling but that's something I already knew.

Think time for you to stop and comment on my threads.

OP posts:

blibbyblobb · 16/08/2022 14:42

My comment was not meant in a negative way. In a nutshell i wanted to reach out and guide u to get some support for your anxiety as i can see u are struggling, understandably due to your past traumatic experience.

Wish u all the best for Thursday and as requested i will stop posting on your threads

Take care

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 16/08/2022 14:45

I could tell the difference between anxiety and genuine worry. I knew before my first MC that something was wrong, but with my living DD, I knew I was just concerned, but with no reason to be. When you have that gut feeling you don't question it. If you're aware of it, can calm yourself, etc it's likely anxiety.

Do reach out for support though, they'd rather hear from you every day and help than have you suffer in silence.

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 16/08/2022 14:53

@Carrieonmywaywardsun

I freaked out at the beginning of my pregnancy but I know that was me just panicking. After having that scan felt happy even OH would touch my stomach and even talk to my stomach now he doesn't. Even though he seems positive think deep down he worried.
Since having that horrible cramp and pain and soreness on right side it was a worry.
I am not making it up in my head like some people think on here. Since then I haven't felt pregnant at all.
I need help through this pregnancy which after the scan I will get.
Thanks for your response

OP posts:

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 17/08/2022 17:47

I hope your scan eases your mind. There's really no way to know either way if everything is okay, but if you trust your gut do try not to worry until you have an answer. Stress won't help your situation, I know it's hard but stay distracted, stay as positive as you can be etc. Hope everything goes okay, when is your scan booked?

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 17/08/2022 18:48

@Carrieonmywaywardsun

It's tommorow and really don't expect good news. Either way have to prepared myself.
Kind of freaking out

OP posts:

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 17/08/2022 21:29

Whatever the outcome is, you will get through this. They will support you and help you. You've done the best for yourself and your baby, and this time tomorrow you will have an answer. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best x

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 18/08/2022 03:04

@Carrieonmywaywardsun

Thanks so much for your kind words.

I can't sleep and I am really preparing myself for the worst.

The added pressure for me is that we been trying for a baby. Then had laparoscopy in May it did happen quite quickly by Dp very happy won't hear me being negative. He won't accept it and it's not like I expect him to agree or anyone to agree. I do expect let's just see the scan first and I don't know want people telling you be okay when we really don't know yet. I feel it will really upset my DP so him being away is for the best for now. He lost his mum this year and the funeral coming up in September.
I never thought I would get pregnant if we lose not sure the affect on us as a couple.
Obviously I am hoping to be telling people of the pregnancy as I am finding it hard keep it quiet.
If the worst comes to the worst I be taking time of work. Won't bother tell anyone of the miscarriage. No point as some of my family are quite negative.
It's not like I also don't get I need counselling for my anxiety I already do sessions of talking therapies
Always in life people have always seemed to dismiss my feelings and I do feel angry.
I have decided to let the scan lady know whatever the outcome expected. The only shock would be if I was carrying another and not realized and this why having all these cramps.
Sorry I like this with everything over think a situation in and out different scenarios. So I am prepared.
Thank you again.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 18/08/2022 13:19

Does something know if I need a full bladder for 12 week scan?
It doesn't say on the letter and it's over 15 years since last pregnant so up to date with how it goes these days?
Please I ask for a simple answer not a rude one as today is the day I don't need people to start.
In case no one responds with just continue drinking water.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 18/08/2022 13:20

Not up to date I meant

OP posts:

PrimroseWharf · 18/08/2022 13:24

Yes I was asked to have a full bladder for my scan last year

Izzyboo1234 · 18/08/2022 16:56

I hope the scan went okay 💐

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 18/08/2022 17:23

@Izzyboo1234

Yes it did okay I was so scared.
I had ultrasound and then internal. She said there's the heart and had to ask again she was trying to do the measurements of baby neck. And was so stubborn she couldn't do it.

I do feel a lot better after the previous stressful weeks I had with worry. Thought I was going mental and can relax now.

I know I am not the only one posting on here and do feel insensitive because of these ladies going through a hard time. That's only thing I am sorry about. I was just freaking out and I seen more threads like my own and other people don't get the unhelpful comments.

Thanks for the support.

OP posts:

Izzyboo1234 · 18/08/2022 20:59

You have nothing to be sorry about, when you go through a mc it can be life changing. I’m so pleased the scan went well, please reach out to your midwife for support. My friend raves about the midwife mental health team. Good luck and I hope you get to enjoy the pregnancy 💐

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 18/08/2022 22:19

Glad to hear a happy update. Hopefully you'll feel more settled now x

PurplePansy05 · 18/08/2022 22:27

OP, I lost three babies before having my DC and hand on heart, twice I had no idea something was wrong (missed miscarriages), once I did because it was an earlier loss and the obvious symptoms were there. I think as some pps said, there is a difference between anxiety and actual worry based on feeling unwell or say lack of usual baby movement etc but I think this gets easier to distinguish later on in the pregnancy. In the early stages to me it was all a blur. Best advice I was given is to take each day as it comes and try, if you can, not be on a look out for negatives. This is one of the hardest things after loss, I know. Best of luck, deep breaths. Peace will be good for you and your LO. 💐 xx

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 19/08/2022 06:13

I just still actually coming to terms with being pregnant. I had thought I would never be able to have a baby again. After laparoscopy for me it happened too fast. My teen is 15. So for me still quite a shock and freaked out with right side pain but that didn't harm baby. Which I was genuinely concerned about. Which still think it could be something as long as baby okay I won't worry as much.
At the age of 39 and 40 in October feel scared because it's dangerous later in age.
I have forgotten how stressful being pregnant is.. although even after losing my first and having my 15 year old don't think I was this bad.
But yes will get the help now from rainbow and still doing talking therapies.
My heart does go out to all the ladies on this board.
Thank you all again

OP posts:

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