MMC - devastated

[Iusedtobedontcall]

Hi all - I am seeking some support following the discovery of a MMC at a private reassurance scan.

Based on LMP I should have been 8 weeks at the first scan, but the sonographer saw a yolk sac and gestational sac measuring 6 weeks and something she thought could be the foetal pole. I went back two weeks later and there was no growth. She wasn’t sure whether it was the foetal pole she could see but if anything it was smaller.

This was a surprise pregnancy - I’m 42 and thought my baby days were behind me. It would have been DH and my first baby together. I do have teen dc, so I know I’m lucky to have a family already. But we had allowed ourselves to get excited and had even thought of names.

The EPAU are scanning me again next week because they can’t just go off the private scan. So I’m in limbo now, pregnant but not pregnant and hoping I’ll miscarry naturally. Nothing seems to be happening.

I hope we can conceive again but I’m so worried that I’m just too old.

I'm so sorry you are going through this I've been in a similar position and I know how devastating it is. Just to say also, I got pregnant again at 42 and my 9 year old is sitting besides me now. There's still hope for the future x

Thank you - that gives me hope. Although this was a surprise pregnancy, I wanted it so much. DH has agreed that we can try again. I’m just scared in case it never happens.

I'm so sorry X

I think what hurts is that even people who knew haven’t really acknowledged it. I would have appreciated a text or something. DH’s dad did say he was sorry when DH told him, but today he called DH about something mundane and didn’t ask how I was or anything.

Unfortunately some people (especially men it seems) dont really understand what it's like to lose a baby during pregnancy. My FiL thought he was being helpful by coming over and telling us about his recent holiday. I'm sure he thought he was cheering me up, or taking my mind off it. But instead it just made me more angry. I hope you have other people around you who do get it, and are looking after you. X

I'm so so sorry for your loss. It's so utterly heartbreaking. Thinking of you and wishing you well. You are not alone in feeling any of these things, I promise xx

😞 bless you, I don’t think there’s anything anyone can say other than I’m so sorry. I don’t think people should give themselves the clauses of ‘I should be grateful because I already have one’ etc, someone else experiencing any sort of loss does not minimise yours and how you feel. Fingers crossed all well be will in future and you will be able to complete your family. Hope this chapter closes really soon for you too 😞

Thank you for the support. I think once the physical side of things is over with I can start to recover. It’s hard to recover emotionally when I know it’s still there.

I’m losing dark brown jelly like discharge now and having cramps. I’ve an appointment at the EPAU for Thursday but don’t know if it’s worth calling them or just waiting.