Singleton pregnancy after twin loss - how to cope?

[BarbaraK1]

I recently lost identical twins. This was my first pregnancy and after initial fear and shock, I came to really love the idea of being a twin mum, and to appreciate just how special and lucky it is to be blessed with twins.

Losing the twins at 13wk has been the most excruciating experience of my life. I never imagined I could feel such deep, relentless emotional pain that has not let up, even 6 months down the track. I cannot return to who I was before.

I have recently found myself pregnant again, and it is a single baby this time. I know that I should be grateful (I fell quickly and am on the wrong side of 35)… and believe me I am… but I am also struggling the loss of the opportunity to be a twin mum… and can’t help but feel disappointed and devastated that it is not twins. I feel (knowing how wrong this is) that is it somehow ‘less special’ then my ID twins. If I had never fell with twins, I wouldn’t feel desperation but to be a twin mum… but having had it - for a brief moment - I can’t let it go. I just can’t let go of my deep need to be a twin mum, and I am worried for how that might impact this baby.

Keen to hear of other mums who have experience this - a singleton after the loss of a twin / twins. And again, I want to emphasise that I am grateful to be pregnant… I just want to be honest about my feelings and understand how to cope.

Did not want to read and run 🌸
Your feelings are valid, I think you will be going through so many different emotions now, and seeing twin babies might be a trigger for quite some time I would imagine. I want to congratulate you on having another pregnancy and hope that time heals some of the pain, especially the moment you get to hold your rainbow baby ❤

I’m TTC my first and I fell pregnant in February

To our surprise we found out we were having twins (non identical) but lost them both at 9 weeks

It’s been almost 5 months and I’m still struggling

We are TTC again but I know that more than likely we will conceive a singleton pregnancy this time as twin pregnancies are less common and honestly that does upset me that I may have “lost” the only opportunity to be a twin mum. It hurts

Your feelings a valid. Of course you should be grateful for this pregnancy but you also can be sad that you will not be a twin mum like you thought you would be. You have the right to feel that way x

I am so very sorry for your loss and wish you well with your current pregnancy. Your feelings are completely understandable. The Twins Trust run a bereavement support group which may be of help to you xx