Mid 40s Late Miscarriage due to Negligence

[Monkhouse2022]

I suffered a late miscarriage at 17weeks + 2 days just 2 weeks ago. I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken. This was my last chance to get pregnant as I am in my mid-forties.
I took all the right supplements for over a year, led active lifestyle with balanced diet to ensure I conceived naturally which I did. I beat all the odds for a woman of my age to conceive naturally and to go into 2nd trimester only to lose my girl and give birth to her. I had such a traumatic exp from the very start to the end with the hospital. What pains me the most I did NOT lose her through natural cause but due to hospital negligence for never considering me a high risk pregnancy and not getting right treatment on time even when I requested. I am at a loss. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t even grief properly I am so angry with the hospital. I will never be able to conceive again but more importantly I want my little girl back. We wanted her so much. I did everything in my power to keep her safe but I failed her miserably… I let her down ‘mummy didn’t try hard enough or speak up or research enough’. I hate myself for this.

I can’t get that image out of my head when I got chance to see her after I delivered her. I miss you my little angel.

Waking up this morning thinking today I had my appt for 20wk scan. Looking down at my belly and she is no longer here 😢
my heart aches. I just can’t move past this feeling. I want my baby girl back

Ladies Im hurting so much. I feel suffocated with all this emotion

So sorry for your loss OP. The pain must be unbearable. No advice other than to do whatever you need to do, to get through the weeks and months ahead.

My late MIL lost a baby, many years ago. She was often talked about, never forgotten, still part of our family and always MIL’s much wanted baby. She never forgot the trauma, but in time the raw, emotions eased.

What you are feeling now is entirely normal and part of the cycle of grief. As previously suggested up thread there are charities that can support you.

Wishing you all the very best for the future OP.

@Roselilly36 thankyou. Its now 4 weeks since I lost my precious. Still so raw. I can’t seem to shift the ‘what ifs’ thoughts. I do hope in time the pain eases x

Truly devastating. I’m so sorry x

Thoughts are with you and your family - there aren’t words just solidarity x

My heart still aches for my baby girl. I’m sat in the room in the dark just crying uncontrollably. Found out from post mortem that she was healthy nothing wrong with her. How do you women with your sad losses cope as I’m clearly not coping well at all. I don’t know what to do ladies :(

Hi, lots of hugs for you. Have you anyone there to comfort you and talk to? I spent weeks in bed after my loss, nothing really helped apart from time and working through it in my mind. I went to spiritual places and prayed/ranted, drank more gin then I should and just felt a bit wild. It was an awful time and i seriously understand what you are going through. I also had to register my sons birth and death at the registry, i have never had a lower day beibg surrounded byball these happy families.
Luckily my cat became seriously ill and I had something to focus on, which I think helped me.
It sounds like you need to urgently speak to someone, can you afford private sessions?

@Harveyrabbit76 my partner has been great support but I don’t want to keep crying in front of him as he is trying to remain strong and grieving in his own way. I think I’m hurting so much as this was my last chance to conceive esp being in mid 40s and to lose such a healthy baby due to errors is a stab in the heart. I dnt think talking to counsellor will help (plus can’t really afford at the moment), I need to try fix me on my own. The more I push to remain positive then something little happens and sets me off. I guess it is still raw as lost her only 7 weeks ago.

Just stepping in to say I am listening.. I have no words. But I am here.

@Monkhouse2022 I am so so sorry for what has happened... My heart goes out to you. I have been thinking of you since reading this thread a few days ago.
I hope that life is gentle to you from now on, I wish many good and happy moments for you in this life because you deserve it SO MUCH. It is awful you have to go through.
Try to tackle each day as it comes but I know it is easier said than done. I really hope and wish for you to have a rainbow, I know another baby will not take away the pain from what you have lost and your little girl will always be in your heart, but I hope it is not the end of your journey ❤We are here to listen.

@ChateauMargaux @Pancake92 thankyou ladies. Its so hard to carry on with normal day to day activities/routine - feels like the world has stopped for me but I somehow need to find strength to carry on. Apologies if it feels like Im constantly venting my loss on here but its simply how I feel.

You are not venting, you are grieving because you are going through something terrible. Please know there are people here who care and it is best for you not keep anything bottled up x ❤

*to not keep

I'm so sorry OP. I lost babies in similar circumstances.

Unfortunately you can't rush grief, you need to take all the opportunities you can to talk about your daughter. Have you been in touch with SANDS? It can be helpful to talk with other parents who've been through similar circumstances.

I don't know if you want to look into trying for another pregnancy, but if you do the Tommy's clinics are excellent and there are another couple of excellent Drs who lead the way in cervical stitches - having a forward plan (eg regular cervix scans and plans for a stitch at x point) might help you. It did for me.

Sending you lots of love.

@greyinganddecaying sorry for your losses :(

Not been in touch with SANDS, maybe I should so can talk to other parents who have had similar experiences.
I still do countdown, its exactly 8 weeks since I lost her.
I am in two minds whether to try again, it really scares me. Who knows I might not be able to conceive again or conceive a healthy baby again. Ive been advised should I get pregnant agsin then to have TAC, that too worries me. Am so confused in what to do but naturally keep over thinking about what I tragically lost.

I'm so sorry for your loss, how devastating for you and your family. What was your baby girl's name? She will always be in your heart and you in hers 💔 be kind to yourself as you recover

@Margo34 We named her Ruby. Oh how I miss my little girl, she was very much wanted but she is no more :(
I close my eyes and see her when she was born followed by the traumatic experience of her funeral. How a tiny little baby was in a small wooden casket and placed on an adult size cremation stand in the chapel. My whailing in the chapel still rings in my ears.

@Monkhouse2022 I love the name Ruby, just beautiful ❤️ Did you have lots of friends at family around you at her funeral? Can you see all the love that was there for Ruby that day, too?

@Margo34 no family nor friends. Just me and my husband. I did not want my parents there they would have suffered watching my pain then on top of it cremating their grand-daughter. My love for her would have exceeded all the love…. A mother’s love

A mother's love and a father's love know no bounds ❤️

We did the same @Monkhouse2022 - just the two of us at the funeral. I needed to not feel responsible for anyone else's emotions that day.

I don’t find many women who have experienced what I went through during my everyday life but when I speak to you wonderful ladies it does give me great comfort for your support as you too have sadly had tragic losses so know what I am going through and still am.