How do I cope with recurrent miscarriage? Positive stories after baby loss?😞

[Skylark1990]

Hi all. I had my third miscarriage in a row last week at 6.5, day after we saw the heartbeat. The previous two were at 4.5 weeks and I have no idea if all caused by the same thing. We have been TTC since Dec last year so not that long but feels a life time. We have one DD already, nearly 2. We conceived her straight away.

I feel like I oscillate between extreme sadness and feeling numb. I have been referred for tests at the RM clinic but this could take a few months. It's been a really shitty time and not sure when we will TTC again, I want to quickly in some ways but also scared it'll happen again and my husband said he might need more time. I have also been given and told to take progesterone from a BFP (or ovulation if tracking) next time. I can't take aspirin without a good reason as I've had stomach issues recently - so I guess should wait for the blood clotting tests.

I am just petrified that next time l get pregnant it won't stick again due to something I'm doing/ didn't do, or we have something wrong with us which will mean we can't have another baby. I'm still breastfeeding DD and there is just not enough evidence about whether this can cause miscarriage, which makes it really hard to know whether to stop.

How do you get through this time? What can I do to heal? How do I deal with this sadness and uncertainty? How do I make decisions? I just feel so immobilised 😞💔

I'm sorry if this is the wrong board to post on.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. No positive stories really (I've had four now since November 2020, TTC second child) other than waiting for the initial sadness to lessen a bit with time and to try again. The RM clinic didn't find anything for us but I have to believe that if we keep trying we will get lucky! I've also been very honest with work who have been extremely understanding. Good luck x

No advice...just solidarity. It's so shit. I'm sorry you're in this boat too.

I'm sorry you're going through it, Skylark1990. I had two miscarriages in row before I had my son. Sending hugs.

Miscarriages are shit. You lose the ability to relax and 'enjoy' early pregnancy. I suggest you hold onto what you've probably been told already... "there's no reason to suggest it will happen next time". Keep trying. I bet you have a relationship with EPAU already. Take them up on any offer of early scans (all I had to do was tell my GP practice/midwife team to refer me for a scan at 6 weeks and I was welcomed in!). Ultimately, I didn't consider myself to be actually pregnant until passing the dating scan successfully, even with positive early scans. Try and forget about the tests for now. You can probably get another attempt in before the results come back.

I now have 2 children. I got there! Even if DH's primary reason for not wanting a 3rd is the pain of all the losses/surgeries.

Thank you all. DP wants to take a break from it all for the rest of the summer, so hopefully that helps. It feels hard to let go of it all now, but equally maybe a break is best. Doesn't mean we won't TTC again, just not for now. Need to try to find joy in some other things for a while... X

@Skylark1990
I have had 4 miscarriages, I'm now 17 weeks pregnant still a bag of nervous, this is the first time I have ever got past ten weeks xx

Thanks @Babyghirl congratulations too on your pregnancy! Did you do anything differently this time? Did you have any tests and did they find a cause for your losses? Must be such an anxious time but so wonderful you're at 17 weeks, sounds like this one is sticking 💓🙂

I’m really sorry OP, it’s so so shit.

I had an ectopic and three MCs, all between 6-10weeks when TTC our second, like you we conceived our first straight away and the cycle of doom is just utterly miserable.

DD was conceived straight after our final MC, without a period so I did feel that the first few weeks I was completely in limbo not knowing how far along I was. I don’t think I dared believe it was real until about 20 weeks and mentally it was a hard pregnancy. I had tests and everything came back in the normal range so I think we were just unlucky. She’s almost 2.5 years now and I can look back and be grateful everything happened the way it did because I can’t imagine our lives without her, but god it was a dark time for us. Best of luck with everything. Xx

Take vit D supplements. I was deficient, took supplements, and kept my next pregnancy after 3 losses. Don't know if it was what made the difference but it's an easy thing to do.

Also...get pregnant straight after a m/c, don't wait for period. I think there's extra progesterone hanging round. My younger two were both born from pregnancies conceived immediately after m/c. (Had 4 m/c in total...1, then Ds, 3, then DD)

Hello, I am mid my 3rd MC in a row now - the first was a silent MC at 8 weeks in Oct 21 resulting in a D&C, then one at 5 weeks in May and another at 4+5 now. It is heart breaking and so worrying isn't it hitting that 3rd, as everywhere you read 'it's so rare'. I am hoping to speak to my GP on Monday to get a referral - has anyone started the investigation process? x

Thank you so much @daisymade , I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I'm really glad things worked out for you and it feels like it was all worth it, as you have your beautiful DD! I have just ovulated and we DTD a couple days prior so I'm now thinking we potentially have conceived this cycle when we hadn't really planned to... Before a period too... But ofc it may not catch anyway. Just wondering did you take aspirin or progesterone for your pregnancy with your DD? If so was it from bfp or ovulation? X
@DrRuthGalloway thanks so much, I actually just found out my vitamin D level was lower edge of normal so going to supplement a bit more (had already been taking supplements).
Also good advice re not waiting. It's hard as I would like to have the tests and also petrified of another MC but also would love to be pregnant again soon. I guess if we conceive this cycle hopefully it's meant to be!

@vix_85 so so sorry that you're going through this now 💔💔 it's so unbelievably hard. It does get easier .. my MC was 3 weeks ago now and I do feel a lot better... Still so heartbreaking though. I ended up getting a referral to the Coventry Tommy's recurrent miscarriage clinic and the wait list isn't too bad thing it's only a few weeks 🤞🤞 so if you're close to Coventry you could try that too! I've also been reading up a lot about how to support a pregnancy naturally and through vitamins/ herbs etc. E.g taking 400-600iu vitamin e has been shown to be good at helping blood flow in a similar way to aspirin. There are also herbs you can take to help calm the uterus and support pregnancy in early stages. I'd also recommend asking for a progesterone prescription so you can take next time and get all your hormone levels and thyroid and vitamin D and iron etc checked at the GP so it's quicker. Xxx

Thanks so much @Skylark1990 i will definitely look into everything you've mentioned. I'm down in Devon but i'm sure they have something similar down here. Sending positive thoughts your way for the next few weeks xx

Hello, I hope you don’t mind me jumping on this but I’m in a similar boat having had one mc, then my DD and sadly 3 mc since. The most recent one was just last week so still very painful to think about, especially as I was on progesterone so naively thought it would just work this time.
in a horrible way (I’m sorry) it is a comfort to feel I’m not the only one going through this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
and if one more person says to me “when are you having another” or “she’ll need a sibling” I think I’m going to explode.
any success stories after recurrent mc to give me hope again would be so greatly appreciated x

I'm so sorry to you and all the other women on the thread currently going through this. It's so hard. As people asked for positive outcomes: in 2016 and 2017 I had three miscarriages at 6 weeks, 6 weeks again and then at 8 weeks. I was just devastated and convinced I would never have a child. When I got pregnant a fourth time I had no real hope it'd work out at all, I thought it was a done deal it'd end again. He's just turned 4.

I had tests and no cause was found, and while I did take progesterone and aspirin in that pregnancy I then fell pregnant with his little brother very easily and didn't take the progesterone and still had a very healthy pregnancy, so who knows whether or not it did anything the first time?

I really wish you all the best and hope you also get your happy ending, very soon - it was such a bleak time and I have so much sympathy for those who are there right now.

Hi @Skylark1990

I could have written your post and wondered how you're getting on. I'm just going through my second miscarriage in 3 months, and my third overall. I stopped breastfeeding my 18m old 2 weeks ago as I just can't keep going through this.

I have no idea if stopping will help but we too conceived easily first time around so reluctantly had to do something.

Hope you are doing ok 😢

Thank you all for your messages. Sorry I didn't get back sooner.

Thank you @Hardbackwriter for your reassuring, positive story - I'm so happy for you and glad you now have two LOs! ❤️.

@KG416 so sorry for your losses it's so hard. How are you doing now?

@blueberry23 hey, so sorry to hear you've been through something similar and going through a MC now 💔💔💔 thanks for reaching out. How far along were you with your losses?

Definitely get some tests sorted - I really recommend getting referred to a Tommy's recurrent miscarriage clinic if you can, they have them in London, Birmingham and Coventry and the Coventry one has the shortest wait list ATM. First step would be calling up and speaking to a Tommy's midwife, if you Google that the number should come up. I'm so so grateful I did this as I was referred, then seen, within a month of my third MC starting. I've now had blood tests and most have come up, still waiting on a couple but the ones that are back are normal which is reassuring. I had to travel over an hour to go to Coventry but it was worth it!
I'm actually pregnant again now, approx 5+2. It happened straight after my last MC, without us trying as we had decided to wait but we also weren't preventing and it happened. I'm really hoping it's the one. I'm actually at epau now as been having right side pain so worried it's ectopic 🤦‍♀️😩🤦‍♀️ so having a scan soon I think. So much worry. I'm also on progesterone pessaries, which I started from my bfp and will be on till 16weeks. So I'd recommend that for when you are next pregnant, as it's been shown to have a significant positive effect for women who have had 2 or more miscarriages. In terms of Breastfeeding, I'm still doing one feed a day, occasionally two (bedtime and then naptime on my day off and weekends unless we can time a car journey smartly 😅). My milk has dropped a lot already, and I had a couple nights where I was out so didn't feed her at bedtime and then not for 24 hours approx and so I think this has helped it drop. She seems ok with the reduced feeds, I didn't feel I could just full stop yet but planning to in September when she's two. It's so so hard knowing what's best. Hope you feel ok about stopping, it's very emotional. Am here if you'd like to chat, just DM me x

4 miscarriages.
Was told it was unlikely i would carry to term.
Was diagnosed with endometriosis.
Got a fur baby.
Fell pregnant aug 20
Son born july 21.
Just celebrated his first birthday.
Hang in there
I remember feeling as though everyone has a baby but me. I used to leave stores if i heard a baby cry as it was too painful.
Hope.

4 MC’s experienced all around 11/12/13weeks, some pregnancies I had early scans showing heartbeat, and even twins in one pregnancy. Anyway I had to take a break for a year it was just too much for me. I had lots of tests, treatment for a potential problem. I then fell pregnant with my first born, I couldn’t relax for the whole pregnancy and even after the birth I just didn’t trust my dream had come true. Due to my experiences I decided to have another very soon after which was also successful live birth. The pain of the MC’s has dwindled somewhat, perhaps due to the business of looking after Irish twins (bloody hard work!). I sometimes wonder if I’ll have another one day.

good luck and I’m keeping everything crossed for you. It is absolutely heart wrenching going through recurrent mc’s, I still can’t believe I ended up being successful. I thought I was destined to be childless.

Thank you for sharing @ReGINerate @justsomegirlinaconfusingworld it's so heartening to hear positive stories after loss. 💜💜💜

Just to update in case anyone reads and wonders, just had the scan at 5+2 and it's in the right place so not ectopic, such a relief! No hb or embryo seen yet as too early but we saw a yolk sac and gestational sac ☺️ going back in two weeks x

Good luck @Skylark1990. I had MMC few weeks ago and had the ERPC last Friday. Feeling very sad still but keen to start trying soon but could I ask how long you waited to DTD after EPRC / D&C? I’m not bleeding anymore but have had cramps on and off and afraid it will hurt/ is too soon but also wouldn’t want to miss my chance if I am more fertile this month xx

@Positivethoughts92 so sorry for your loss 💔

I didn't have an ERPC/D&C as my miscarriage passed naturally and completed on it's own. So I'm not sure what would be advised. I did get pregnant straight after the MC without a period in between this time. But if you've had a procedure might be wise to wait at least one cycle. What did the doctors say? You are more fertile for 3 months after a MC according to some research so don't worry about missing the window by waiting one or two months xx

Currently experiencing a 4th miscarriage since January. What can i do? Its so devasting.

@Wishonastar4 so sorry to hear this, it's truly so hard - have you been seen by a recurrent miscarriage clinic? the Tommy's midwives are lovely - if you google you can ring them and talk it all through.

I'm 18 weeks tomorrow after 3 miscarriages in a row, so I hope that provides you with some hope. Things seem to be going well so far .... I took progesterone from BFP till 16 weeks and cramp bark tea until 8 weeks. Sending you all the luck in the world x

How are you @blueberry23 ?x