Heart broken - MMC

[Happyhouse89]

I'm finding it really difficult to talk about this in real life as not many people knew I was pregnant and anyone that did doesn't really know what to say. I'm not expecting any responses just hoping sharing my thoughts with people who have been through similar might help me sleep better tonight.

We've been trying for a baby for almost 3 yrs, not one late period or positive in that time, until 9 weeks ago.

Unexplained infertility with query polycystic ovaries but not PCOS apparently. Had a 6 month course of clomid and a follow up appointment planned for July to discuss IVF as it hadn't been working.

March/April I had 5 weeks off work for work related stress and started accupuncture and didn't take clomid that month. To our absolute shock and delight I had a positive in May. I thought we'd finally had some luck and it was our chance, it was a miracle in my eyes.

Went for a scan this week with fertility clinic, should have been 9 weeks, there was no heartbeat and measuring much smaller, a MMC. Deep down I just knew, last week my symptoms had gone. I feel like it was too good to be true. I am devastated, I know feeling like this won't last forever and plenty worse happens but I feel so angry and sad, my body struggled to get pregnant and now it can't even miscarry properly.

Now I have to wait 2 weeks for a scan to confirm. How did people who have been through this wait cope? I feel so mentally tired, I can't sleep but wish I could wake up in 3 weeks time and it all be over. My life as I had planned flipped 180 in that 30 min appointment this week. I'm already on sertraline for anxiety. I know it sounds dramatic but I am just so, so sad I can't see how I'll feel better again.
Thanks for reading, sending love if you're on this thread for the same reason. Xx

@Happyhouse89 I’m so so sorry you are going through this.

I found out I had a mmc in early April at 9 weeks. I started to naturally miscarry before the second scan. At the scan they said there was more to pass and it shouldn’t take much longer. It ended up incomplete and I had ERPC.

It took me a few months to start to feel a bit more like my old self. Its now been three months to the date I found it was mmc. I still have moments of feeling low, however it’s no longer every day where I feel low.

Everyone is different, take as much time as you need to. I know that wait feels like a very long time.

You sound like you're being really strong.
You have every right to be angry, upset, pissed off, frustrated, grief stricken...

Life can be so cruel sometimes and I'm sorry for your loss, especially after such a long journey.

I had a mmc in Jan and, like you, thought something was wrong as my symptoms never really started. We found out at about the 8 week mark.

Around that time and for a couple of months after I found it really hard and didn't feel myself at all. Probably a mix of grief, hormones and still feeling exhausted from the pregnancy.

Take care of yourself xx

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.

We had a MC in May, just had my first AF since and I go through a mix of emotions
daily. I long to have my baby back in my belly but equally think they were to precious for the world.

I hope they next few weeks are okay and take it day by day, step by step 💐also, be kind to
yourself!

I am very sorry for your loss.
I had a mmc at 12 weeks 18 years ago and I still remember the date that my baby was due despite having 2 amazing (mostly) teenagers now.
You will never really get over it but you will get around it and it will get easier in time. However, you need to grieve how you feel is best and there is no timescale on that
I donate to a children’s hospice every Christmas in my babies memory and we also had a tree planted in a national forest too
Be kind to yourself x

www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome

I’m so sorry @Happyhouse89 it’s an awful thing to go through, and it changes you without a doubt. You never get over it as such, but you do grow round it and all those feelings get a bit less intense and more manageable.

This is a carbon copy of my experience, trying to conceive for 3 years, period on time every month, unexplained infertility, 6 months clomid, followed by ivf. Also suggested slight poly cystic ovaries.
1st scan showing sac & possible heartbeat but unsure, I also knew it hadn't worked as all symptoms had disappeared. Went back the following week & miscarried 2 weeks later on Christmas Day. I can fully understand & sympathise, I felt so angry & lost.
However to give you hope, apparently the hormones which created the pregnancy seemed to reset my body & I conceived naturally 6 months later & had an easy successful pregnancy. 9 months later baby no.2 was conceived & 2 years after that baby no.3 conceived on the first try.
You now know you can get pregnant and this gives you loads & loads of optimism that you go on to having a successful pregnancy really soon. Hold onto this thought-it will really help you feel positive. Wishing you all the best

Thank you for sharing your own experiences everyone when it must be painful, I appreciate it. And thank you all for your kind words and advice. I'm trying to hold onto the positive thoughts. Like @Sparkles29 said, I now know I can at least get pregnant and did make it further than ever before. Just wish I could fast forward time now....

I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t experienced infertility but I did also find out at 9 weeks that both babies (non identical twins) no longer had heartbeats
It’s been 3 months since that day and I’d be lying if I said it was easy to move on because, it’s not. I don’t think you ever will “get over” a loss but every week I feel slightly better.
I hate the at least you can get pregnant comments BUT to an extent, this is true and you can take that knowledge as hope on with you. We are now ttc again and I am trying to stay hopeful and positive despite the worries xx
The midwifes told me you are more fertile a few months after a miscarriage but I also wouldn’t let that stress you (I’m trying not to stress either) if it doesn’t happen within that time xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so awful. I just wanted to mention my experience, as you said you felt your body couldn’t MC right, and I can sympathise with that feeling. I had a MMC this week (my second MC, I don’t have any full term children yet) and I was so cross with my body for carrying on being “pregnant” after my baby had died. I felt so stupid. But I realised that my body wasn’t broken or stupid, it just tried really really hard to keep that sweet baby alive. I’m learning to be grateful for that, to have compassion for myself, and to try to trust my body to do its best next time, too. Sending loads of love x

@Paddleandbail that's a really positive way of reframing it, thank you, will try and hold that in mind. And sorry to hear of your experience, life can be cruel but it's really important we are kind to ourselves, take care too x

I am going through the exact same thing at the minute so sending you lots of love. Had an early scan two days ago which should of been exactly 9 weeks and baby was measuring 6 weeks 4 days and no heartbeat. I am absolutely devastated even though I feared it could happen after hearing the statistics and really threads. I now also have to wait 2 weeks to be rescanned but I know what it will say (I am sure about my dates). The thought of 2 weeks in limbo is horrible. Did you begin to bleed naturally while waiting the 2 weeks? I hope I do and if not I hope at the second scan they will do a D&C so this can be over and I can begin to look forward to trying again.

Happened to me. I had a scan at 9 weeks. Healthy heartbeat and it even did a little wriggle on screen. 2 weeks later found it had stopped growing. Waited another week but no bleeding so had a medical management. The next cycle after that I was pregnant with my dd who is currently snoozing in her pram. It will happen. The good news is you can get pregnant

Sorry to hear you're going through this @Positivethoughts92. It been a long few weeks for me and whilst still very sad, with it occupying a lot of my head space, physically I feel I'm coming out the otherside.

I didn't bleed in the two weeks between scans but it started naturally between my 2nd scan on a Wednesday and the Monday when I was booked in for surgery. I still went in as planned as I'd only had a bit of bleeding up until then, they rescanned me and view was that because it had started naturally, surgery wasn't necessary and to let it happen. I bled for about a week on and off, some uncomfortable cramping and heavy bleeding bit nothing too traumatic.

Oddly I feel that once I'd had the second scan which confirmed what I knew deep down my body decided it could let go. Might be in my head but it's how I've come to think about it.

I really hope whatever happens for you it doesn't drag on too long. I tried to keep busy as much as possible during the two weeks but I know how tough it is 💐