Losing trust in your body

[Pleasenotagainn]

I had a missed miscarriage this year where my baby had passed days after my 12 week scan but unfortunately it took my body 5 long weeks to catch up so I was quite far gone, or atleast quite far into my second trimester when it was discovered. I struggle with the fact I walked around for 5 weeks talking about the baby and being happy and excited when the entire time their heart was no longer beating.

I am pregnant again, it’s probably too soon to be honest, I haven’t fully healed. I just can’t picture this pregnancy resulting in a live, healthy baby. I feel like I can’t trust my body to keep them safe. I feel like I can’t trust my body to do what it’s naturally supposed to do. There has already been some slight red flags, in my opinion, with baby measuring behind where I thought they would, my midwife isn’t too concerned and EPU weren’t worried but in my mind it’s definitely when I lose this baby, not if.

Has anyone felt like they’ve lost trust in their body, after a miscarriage? I know it sounds weird but it’s the overwhelming feeling at the moment - just such angst that there’s another baby in there after my body failed to keep them alive and also managed to almost trick me for 5 weeks after.

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and being pregnant again must be incredibly hard. I too had a mm and didn’t know till later. I can understand that you’ve lost faith in your body and that is hard to get over but I always looked at it the other way, I saw my body as trying to hang on to the pregnancy as long as possible which was why you didn’t know, I saw it as it was trying to do its natural job keeping the pregnancy but that it was just out of its hands.
wishing you all the luck in the world

I have had five losses and two of those were MMC, although not as late on as you. On each occasion it took c.4 weeks for my body to respond to the fact that that the pregnancy had stopped developing.

I went to see a pregnancy / fertility massage woman who said to me that another way of looking at it was my body was trying so so hard to make it work, to try and hold on to those babies even when it seemed hopeless. That did help me reframe the situation in a kinder light and stop blaming it.

Please remember that the thoughts you’re having like ”in my mind it’s definitely when I lose this baby, not if” aren’t intuition or fortune telling, it’s anxiety speaking. It’s your mind’s way of trying, very hard, to protect itself from what it sees as a potential threat. It’s a completely natural reaction after what you’ve been through, but it’s not reflective of reality. Stats tell us that you’re much more likely to have a successful pregnancy this time than you are to MC again- hang on to that. All you can do is take it one day at a time and take what the HVPs are telling you at face value.

I really hope things work out for you, it’s a very worrying and anxious time particularly when you’ve had a loss before

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤

My miscarriages were the first thing to go 'wrong' with my body. I was shocked, how was it that I, a woman, couldn't hold on to a pregnancy?! Surely that's what my body was made for?

I've had to trust that my body knew that those pregnancies weren't viable and thus didn't let them continue. I hope we all have healthy pregnancies soon ❤❤

@Pleasenotagainn I know exactly what you mean.

I have had 2 mmc and with the first I didn't expect a loss at all I think I took for granted how many women get pregnant without knowing how common mc's are.

After the first I was told/ research said how common it is.

Second pregnancy it was like a gut feeling mixed with anxiety but I think deep down I knew it wouldn't be.

Take it one day at a time.
My dp works away and it just so happens we will miss some ttc cycles which is quite a relief although we want a baby so much.

@Pleasenotagainn How are you getting on, any update? 🥰

@Pleasenotagainn sending lots of love, I know many of us are in the same boat here. And even though the medical staff tell us it’s nothing we did, we still struggle with the fact that we think it is. I’m currently going through miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy. And I feel that my body has failed me. And struggling real bad. I’m sure in the next few weeks things will be up and down. I’m sending positive thoughts and lots of love ❤️