Miscarriage at 11 weeks - to try again for DC3?

[confusedMums]

I feel very confused at the moment. I miscarried at 11 weeks last week. The whole experience was very traumatic.

We already have 2 DCs (4 and 6) and had finally decided to go for DC3. However since the miscarriage I have felt really confused about whether to try again - I don't know if I could go through it again and as a coping mechanism I have been thinking about how much easier life will be if we stay at 2 (more holidays, no sleep deprivation, financially etc). My husband has also gone off the idea of trying again saying we should be grateful for what we have, but I know he could be persuaded if its what I really wanted.

I feel like I need to make the decision sooner rather than later as the age gap between DC1 and DC2 is only going to get bigger. I feel really guilty for not being fulfilled with my beautiful family and wanting more. I wish I could put DC3 behind us "it wasn't meant to be" but I can't.

Sending sympathy - so sorry about your miscarriage. I would say maybe you need to spend the next weeks/months or however long it takes just dealing with what's happened, and save the question of whether to try again until you've started to heal. I wouldn't worry too much about the age gap, especially if your own age isn't too much of a concern - if you end up pregnant with a 7 year old and a 5 year old (or even older) then it's really not that different from a 6 and 4 year old - I suppose what I mean is, a month or two to heal now really isn't going to make a huge difference age-wise.

My own situation is similar - I had a MMC at the 12 week scan at the start of April (baby died at 11 weeks). I have children a similar age to yours, so I can relate 100% to the feeling that you should just be grateful for what you've got, and for reminding yourself of all of the benefits of a smaller family. However, my rational self realises that there's nothing wrong with wanting a third child (we're all allowed to want things for ourselves sometimes!), and if you finally decide you do really want it then you'll probably find (with time as a healer) that you're willing to face pregnancy and the risk of miscarriage again. I had a previous (much earlier) miscarriage in December, followed by very similar thoughts to yours, but suddenly one day I just knew I wanted to try again and the decision was made very suddenly.

Good luck whatever you decide.

So sorry about your loss. I lost a baby at the same stage. I was 100% sure about trying again as soon as I was able to. Got pregnant with our rainbow daughter a few weeks later.

Your husband is probably a
little bruised from the awful experience, as you will be too. It’s maybe too raw for him to even think about right now, given it happened so recently.

I would say perhaps bring the conversation up again in a few weeks or so.