One month on - struggling today

[elzober]

I had a miscarriage about a month ago at 11 weeks (second pregnancy loss). I've been doing my best to heal since and have tried to focus on positive things I can do to plan another pregnancy that can hopefully be successful. I'm doing a lot of self care, organised a few private health checks, some acupuncture etc

I should really have removed myself from social media for a while but I didn't feel too bad. But within last 3 days I've seen a few people announcing pregnancies. I now know of about 6 people who are pregnant - colleagues, old school friends, partner's best friends gf. A few are my age (35) and some a bit younger but everyone seems to be having a successful pregnancy and I just can't help feeling 'why am I the one who had a loss while everyone else is doing absolutely fine?',

I really hate feeling like this but sometimes I can't help it. I try hard to be healthy and live a good lifestyle and with this last pregnancy I had reflexology and acupuncture to look after my body but it still wasn't enough. I never wanted this to turn into such a 'thing' just want to feel normal and have a run of the mill pregnancy like everyone else. I'm struggling with this today. Time to log off social media maybe.

Its a good idea to get rid of the social media for a while, just concentrate on you and getting you in a good place. Are you trying again straight away or waiting for a while?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had one MC and am now so grateful to have my little boy, but I know well the feeling of "why is everyone managing to have a successful pregnancy but me?". I was worried that I would be that one person among my friends who couldn't conceive.

But it doesn't work like that. You've just been the victim of some very bad luck. One thing that helped me was that, strange as it sounds, your MCs could actually be a sign of future fertility - your body is a little too ready to get pregnant and is holding on to embryos
that aren't meant to become babies. Linked to that, something else that helped me was someone telling me that my "baby" had achieved everything it had ever set out to achieve - it was never meant to be with me any longer than the few weeks it was with me. I still think if that little life very often, but it's a comfort to know it had achieved everything it could.

Anyway, that may not be helpful to you and I'm getting off point! I agree giving up social media is an excellent idea. Deactivating then ultimately deleting FB and Instagram did wonders for my mental health. My screen time isn't less.. I'm just on Mumsnet instead! But I can't compare my life to the filtered and seemingly picture perfect lives of other women. Remember as well that so many women have experienced pregnancy loss and it is still barely talked about. If it's helpful for you, mention your loss to your friends in real life, and I'm sure some of them will tell you they experienced losses to and felt the same as you do now.

Good luck to you OP.

@stairgates I think I will have one period before trying. I'm ovulating again today for first time but want to have at least one cycle to recover a bit more. It was quite a drawn out miscarriage in hospital and I was sore for a while

Thanks for sharing @Lowkeyloopy and great to hear you had a positive outcome! I think deactivating SM will really help me too tbh, not sure why Im still on there, habit I suppose. I've kept the news from a few good friends of mine, I just feel too ashamed to say what's hapened and I can't bear for anyone to feel sorry for me or not know what to say.

So sorry to hear about your loss 😞

I too had a loss at 11 weeks and i immediately came away from social media. I didn't deactivate or anything but just turned off all notifications as I knew I had no energy to be looking at or feeling anything for anyone else in that moment which turned out went on for a while. It's been 3 months I've not went back in and I feel it really helped my healing as it enabled me to take it one day at a time and not feel forced into knowing about what's happening in other peoples lives.

I hope you are ok be kind to yourself it does take time but be assured you will get through this X