TW - Miscarriage and graphic description ❗️
Apologies, this is a long one!
Hi all,
I have posted a while ago about this but I really need some answers as it’s killing me now, can anyone help?
May 2021 - Found out I was pregnant, got to 6 weeks and sadly started bleeding and lots of clots.
I got through it and accepted what was happening. However, I never stopped bleeding? As I was only 19, I assumed I had miscarried due to the blood and the clots, so still went about my normal life, drinking, clubbing etc, but still bleeding all the time.
Went to my GP almost every week. Asking what the hell was wrong with me! Why was I bleeding for weeks on end. They put me on a medication called Provera. Worked for maybe 4 days, then back to bleeding again.
I bled everyday until July 11th, contacted my GP and they advised I did a pregnancy test. Positive straight away. So confused as to the fact I hadn’t had sex in ages, and had miscarried a few months ago. I was also so angry that they had prescribed me provera, as I’ve read it can be quite harmful for pregnant women.
Then July 12th and 13th, I had the worst pain imaginable. Period pains but worse. Took paracetamol, hot water bottle, the lot. Nothing worked. Was sat in bed and had a massive gush of blood, I went to the toilet and sadly there was my 9 week foetus on my pad. I was beyond heartbroken. I was still in absolute agony and it only got worse so I took myself to A&E. Explained my situation and absolutely sobbed the whole night in A&E on my own as covid restrictions meant I couldn’t have my boyfriend or even my mum with me. Was spoken to like absolute shit by the nurses, I’m guessing because I was only 19, just spoke down on me the whole time I was there.
After a few hours of being at A&E, as I’m sat in the waiting room, I had a sudden urge to push and I couldn’t stop. I ran to the toilet, and before I could even take my pants off, I miscarried another baby, but a lot bigger than my first one. The baby was the size of my hand in a huge sack. Was obviously rushed to a bed, I was bleeding so heavily as-well. They didn’t tell me exactly how many weeks along this baby was, they estimated about 15 weeks ish? Was in there for 7 hours, and was finally discharged and I’ve never been the same since. Never got to say ‘goodbye’. Just fobbed off with paracetamol and that was the last of it.
This has ruined me so badly to the point where family, friends and colleagues say I’ve completely changed in the last year. Describe me as more quiet and distant. The truth is, I don’t even know how I’ve got through this past year without doing something to myself (as awful as it sounds). Everyday has been a challenge and I’m just about getting on with it.
It has absolutely ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. This isn’t the first pregnancy loss we’ve had together either, I sadly miscarried at 9 weeks a year before this. We have never been the same since, arguing with each-other, we just grew apart completely and it breaks my heart. He is my baby dad after all, we’re still together but the relationship is dead. We don’t do anything or go out, we just go out separately.
I still can’t face the baby isle in asda, look at other peoples scans or gender reveals. I have to delete pregnant people off my Facebook just so I don’t feel so jealous and upset. I attend a miscarriage support group but I feel like my experience is not like other women’s. I had 2 babies ( who I don’t even know were twins or not? maybe I had been pregnant for longer than I thought?).
What makes the situation even harder is that hardly anyone knows this has happened to me. Most of my friends were also pregnant at the time, and I’ve not been able to meet their babies or even tell them what’s happened to me, so they think I’m an awful friend for not seeing their babies or checking in with them.
But overall I just want answers. Why did my miscarriage take so long? Why was I bleeding for so long and no one would offer me a scan even though I begged? Was I having twins? Why has my body miscarried so many times. I’ve googled to the point where I’ve read that much my eyeballs could quite literally fall out, and I can’t find ANYTHING describing my situation or someone going through similar. I think this is why I’ve found it so hard as I feel completely on my own with this experience and there’s no one who can quite understand what I went through.
This is my last resort now, I hope there is someone on here who could please tell me if they have an idea of what happened.
Please no hate/ negative comments. I’ve been through so much this past year and I just need someone to help me, I’m begging :( xxxx