I want to know why

[elzober]

I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks last week. I'd conceived quickly and everything seemed to be going ok until the spotting began. Before this I had a non-surgical ectopic last year very early at less than six weeks, treated with Methotrexate. Again conceived very quickly.

I find myself desperately wanting to know what happened, particularly in the latest one as I was nearly 12 weeks, but no one can ever give me a concrete answer.

Most of the doctors think it's one of those things and likely a chromosone issue with the fetus as it is in a lot of cases sadly. However they wouldn't do any tests to check this as it was too early. They explained that the ectopic is different to a miscarriage so although I've had 2 losses they are entirely different rather than recurring for the same reason. Likely just very bad luck.

I've been told its ok to try again after first cycle but I'm desperate to prevent this situation again. Next week I want to ask my Gp for thyroid function and blood clotting tests just in case although I have no real reason to believe there's anything wrong with me on that front.

I'll be doing acupuncture on my uterus, taking vitamins and Q10 and no alcohol or caffeine ever. Feel like I'm desperately trying to control things now but maybe its futile?

I am 35 but very healthy, regular periods, good BMI and conceived quickly. I hate how I'm so desperate for answers and now picking myself apart trying to think of things 😔

Does anyone have any positive vibes/ stories they can send my way? I'm finding this so hard.

I am so so sorry you're going through this, it's really hard. Unfortunately, there really are no concrete answers to be had at this stag. Please take heart that statistically, even two miscarriages barely reduces your chance of the next pregnancy being healthy and successful. I know it can be hard to convince your gut feelings of that though. Take time and be gentle on yourself.

I miscarried twice in a row at 10 and then 9 weeks. Never found out why and had a perfectly healthy baby after this. I considered myself unlucky to have the two in a row but it's not uncommon either and like previous pp says the chances of the next pregnancy being viable are still strong. Best of luck x

Thank you so much for your replies. Fingers crossed it will be third time lucky for me

@elzober right there with you lovely. I've had 2 MMC in the space of 6 months. Prior to this I've had 2 healthy pregnancies. I just want answers which I know I probably won't get..I think if I had answers I could move forwards. I'm 39 so I know age is against me. Thinking of going for some private tests to see if that shows anything, will the GP test thyroid etc? X

@elzober I hear ya. I'm currently waiting for my second MMC to happen in 7 months. First was at 11wks with no sign anything was wrong, baby died around 8wks. This time scans have shown it's growing too slowly, is too small, heart rate too low. Coming up for 8wks so assuming it's the same problem as last time only this time I was having early scans so knew in advance.

I got pregnant first time with the first one, then 5 cycles for this one, and it's felt like the longest and most hellish 9 months of my life.

I'm going to have private testing when this one is complete - I'm 39 so can't wait for a third - but all tests so far have found nothing wrong at all. It's so frustrating. I'm just desperate to know why why why. All around me people have healthy pregnancies and babies, I just feel so completely distraught and broken.

I'm so sorry to hear this.
I have had several miscarriages, one of which was a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks. I know it's incredibly difficult.

I did have to go to the hospital for a medical management, and they sent some of the placental tissue off for testing. Everything came back normal.

I decided to have blood tests through a fertility clinic. This cost £800. The wait with the NHS was too long and I was having fertility treatment and didn't want to hold things off much longer so I paid privately. The results came back that my blood was clotting. Meaning there wouldn't have been enough flowing to the placenta to continue the pregnancies.

They prescribed blood thinning injections to take daily and 150mg aspirin per day if I were to get pregnant. On my next IVF cycle I did get pregnant, and it has continued. I really doubt it would have done if it wasn't for the medication for my blood.

You could ask your GP to refer you for blood tests. It's terrible but some won't unless you've had 3 or more miscarriages which was my situation.

I'm really sorry this has happened and I hope you have some support x

I had one at 13 weeks and then the next two carried to term.

They just happen sometimes. There's nothing massively wrong with your body. Have you spoken to the miscarriage association? I found them quite helpful.

for you

@LetMeIn321 so glad you got to the bottom of it and were successful. I've thought about having some tests privately - do fertility clinics offers those kind of tests as a standalone?

Thank you @Clymene Ive rung the miscarriage association for a chat and it was helpful. A local support group has been suggested to me too but Im not sure I can face sitting in a circle with so many others in the same situation to share so much sadness. I just want some answers so I can move on and try again

Just wanted to say so sorry for your losses

I also had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in surgery and then went on to have a miscarriage a few month after that. None were explained. They also said the same to me that the ectopic was 'bad luck' and then went on to say with the 2nd loss 'many women experience a loss with their first and how common they are'.

I did fall pregnant again soon after the losses and carried to term and now have a healthy 11 day old so please do not give up hope.

I did do a few counselling session which really helped just to talk it out.

All the best op and take time to heal x

Sorry about your loss 💐

I felt like you needing to know why I had a mmc at 13 weeks.

Same as you just told oy was one of those things and they don’t investigate unless have 3.

i also then tried to control everything I could. Diet, alcohol even avoiding people who were ill.
I guess it was maybe as I felt I had no control in the mmc. I went through everything it could’ve been.

I would suggest counselling to help you process this. Don’t get stuck (like I did).

I was pregnant again a few months later and I was stressed all the way through but all was ok and baby was ok.

Thanks @WJK00 @Rummikub I think Im going to get some one to one counselling as I think Ill find it more helpful to talk it through like that and hopefully Ill stop feeling like there's something wrong with me

Give yourself chance to
grieve and process. Eventually it hurts less x

Sorry for your loss, a miscarriage at any stage is hard. Just wanted to say that I had 3 consecutive miscarriages at 13, 9 and 8 weeks but went on to have 3 healthy babies. Had various tests but nothing was found but I was given progesterone pessaries for the first trimester. Wishing you a straightforward pregnancy next time :-)

I've found a clinic in London that will run the full suite of blood tests for recurrent losses for a fee then send results to my GP. I'm so tempted just to do it for my peace of mind if nothing else. It might be overkill so I'll give it some more thought as it's not ideal to have to fork out like this but I just dont think the NHS will do much

If it's only last week that you miscarried I'd take a beat. What you've been through is so harsh but based on what you've said - conceiving easily and it being two dif types of losses rather than a recurring -i think it sounds like odds are in your favour for the next time. I really feel for you . X

I've had two missed miscarriages, an ectopic (lost my tube) and a chemical in the last 13mos. Luckily for me they counted the ectopic as a mc so I've had the bloods done and am on the waiting list to see a consultant. When those came back clear I was told that as they were all different circumstances that it was probably just bad luck (especially given my healthy pregnancy with DD), but the precautionary progesterone pesseries and aspirin didn't prevent the mmc I'm currently going through.

If I were you I would go for the private bloods if only to give you some confidence and reassurance when you TTC again. However, you must wait 6-8w for the blood draw as they have to be sure that all the pregnancy hormones are out of your system. You may or may not want to hold off and delay that first month or two to allow that to happen.

I’m sorry you’re going though this. Please be assured that stories like mine are the minority of cases, and chances are that you’ll be ok. Wishing you all the best x

I think they may do. It's worth a call to see. I was already under that particular clinic at the time having IVF. But maybe you can book in for the tests alone. I think in total it was 9 or 10 blood tests to test for different things and the results were back within 10 days.

What helped me was the knowledge of how normal it is. If one in four pregnancies results in miscarriage, then it's very typical for a woman who has two or three babies to have a miscarriage too. Like the doctor said, your ectopic will have been a different thing.

I conceived first month of trying on each of my three pregnancies. First and third I carried to term, second was a MMC. I didn't do anything different that time, just one of those things.

The odds are very much in your favour that you will conceive again quickly and that that pregnancy will be successful.