2 Ds then 4 mcs - any hope?

[karma]

I know that nobody can really answer this but just wanted to pour out everything to someone as finding it difficult at the moment.

My history - 2 ds uneventful pregnancies, then mc feb 07 at 5 weeks, mc may 07 at 5 weeks, mc at 10 weeks in aug (although hadn't grown from 6 weeks), then on monday another mc at 12 weeks, a twin pregnancy that on scan at 9 and 11 weeks had been fine.

I am under a recurrent mc clinic who have done all the tests and everything thankfully is normal, and I am very lucky in that I always seem to get pregnant quickly.

The worse thing at the moment is that feeling of starting to lose hope which I've never had before, we've always thought that we'd try again and next time things would be alright. But now it's happened 4 times, I know my dh feels it's time to call it a day (although he says that nothing should be decided yet, which I agree).

At the moment I'm not sure if I could go through all this again, but equally the thought that I won't and that that's it now is really upsetting me.
The consultant advised us not to try for 6 months which I think is sensible, and maybe then our minds will be clearer, but what if we don't try again and the next time would have been a success (I know you can't think like that).

I guess we just have to wait and grieve and enjoy the wonderful dc we have.
How do you know when to give up?
When does that desire go?
Should we keep on trying regardless as I obviously can keep a pregnancy?

Sorry for the rant and all the questions. I think I just wanted to let everything out, but would really appreciate others thoughts and experiences.
Thankyou.

Hi Karma,

can't offer advice as such, never had the experience you've had, but I noticed you just wanted to pour your heart out anyway, so firstly good on you! that's got to be the first step on the right road.

I've read/heard lots about m/c and really you are grieving aren't you, and that is not the right time to be making decisions, so you're definitely being sensible in agreeing not to make any decision yet. Grief goes through processes, so you're best off going with the flow of it.

Sounds like you have concerns with what ifs, I know it sounds easy, but for now forget the what ifs, write them down somewhere and then adress them when you and DH reach that 6 month point when you discuss it again. At the moment you need to go a day at a time.

You've got 2 ultimate choices when you make that 6 month reassessment; you can choose not to try for anymore and draw a line under it (after all 2 kids is a nice number, you'd still have your hands full!!!)
or you could decide to try again, and with the knowledge of 2 healthy pregnancies behind you you know it is possible for you to do it.

Can I ask, is your DH the father of your 2 DCs? just wondering because that can sometimes make a difference if you've changed partners

best of luck with whatever decisions you make

Hi briarrose,
Thanks for your reply - it was exactly the kind of thing I needed to read, very sensible and rational (which is how I usually am but obviously not at the moment!)
Yes my dh is the father of the other children, and yes 2 is a nice number and I am so lucky to have them. I guess that really as you say I should forget the what ifs and take one day at a time (patience has never been my strong point!)
Thanks again for your kindness, it really is appreciated.

Just to say, a friend of mine in the States was pregnant seven times, and all seven times there was no heartbeat at the twelve week scan. The eighth and ninth times there was a heartbeat - and a perfect little girl at the end of each prenancy! So anything is possible.

Hi Karma,
Sorry to hear about everything you've been through. 4 miscarriages including twins must be heartbreaking. Like Briarrose said, this probably isnt the best time to be making any decisions but it's hard not to think ahead. I had 2 mc then 3 DS then another 2 miscarriages and I have now decided not to try again but that is mainly down to age as I am now 42. I had been planning to stop at 3 but decided to give it 'one more try' - which ended up being two. My decision making was based on which I would regret more - another mc or not trying. At the hospital they had charts which gave you the 'odds' of success and even after quite a few mc you are often quite likely to have a successful pregnancy and you hear of lots of people who go on to have more children. Best of luck for the future.

Hi insanityclaus and springflower,
Thanks for the replies.
The age thing is certainly a factor with me too. I shall be 39 soon and feel that time is running out, maybe that's why I feel decisions have to be made so soon.
Your messages have helped me realise that I don't need to decide this instant, especially at such a highly emotional time.

I was 44 when dd born after 7 year gap with not a sniff of conception. Don't pressure yourself.

Hi

I have 3 dds. The first to were completely uneventful pgys. I then had 4 mcs...then came dd3..since then had 2 further mcs.

I had your decision to make and I chose to try again and I got dd3...thank God!

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Hi dropdeadfred,
Sorry to hear you've been through something similar, and how wonderful that you got dd3!
I wish I could see into the future and know that there is a dc 3 waiting for us next time!! (if there is a next time)
Can I ask, how easy was it to decide to try again after the 4 mcs? and how soon did you reach this decision? Did you have any trouble convincing your partner? Think I may have!!
Thanks for posting.

I karma, sorry you've been having such a miserable time .

You obviously CAN carry babies as you have two little dd's!!!!

Only you know whether you feel able to chance another pg. I know how awful the anxiety of those first three months is, it's really crippling.

I'll tell you my history:
2 sucessful pg's
I m/c
1 sucessful pg
2 m/c
1 successful pg
3 m/c
2 more sucessful pg's

I hope you start to feel a little better soon

Thanks kittywise for your kind response.
You have had a rough time of things over the years too haven't you? How did you cope with such a rollercoaster of emotions, and how did you gain the strength to keep trying?
Would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Thankyou.

Karma, it was hard to keep going! But I am a very stubborn person!!

Each time I had a m/c I felt helpless so I tried to wrestle back some control.

What I would do is I went to see a reiki healer and she was excellent at healing and calming my body, I would go and investigate all sorts of potions that were supposed to be good for healthy pg, like royal jelly paste, spirullina, macca powder (excuse spellings).

I had no probs conceiving.

When I had my last m/c the consultant I saw said there was no obvious reason, I was just unlucky and with age it was more likely to happen.

Those first 12 weeks were pure hell though.

Sometimes I think that women who conceive easily and therefore get pg often are MORE likely to miscarry simply because they have MORE pg's than normal, does that make sense?

Perhaps in less fetile women the egg would never implant, but mine always seemed to. In my run of three in a row I had a three in less than 5 months!!

I would think sometimes that my pg's would 'stick' when they weren't supposed to, if that makes sense.

kittywise, thamks for your response.
Like you I always seem to get pregnant easily, and maybe this is a factor as you say - other women's pregnancies just don't stick whereas ours do.
How often did you see your reiki healer? I have never had this therapy before, although have tried others, and was thinking of having some sessions to help calm me.
Can I ask how old you were when you were going through this?
Thanks in advance.

Karma, when I was going through m/c I would see her weekly and sometimes fortnightly. She did wonderful healing sessions, especially to my womb which she said was very 'tired' lol.
It made me feel relaxed and I felt that I was giving my body the best chance I could.

I saw her once just after a d&c and even though I thought everything had come away, after I saw her a huge mass of tissues came away sorry if tmi, then shortly after I get another successful bfp.

Just before my 5th successful pg she told me she could 'see' 5 little souls moving around my aura and thought that one was waiting to come down. 2 weeks later I got a bfp .

I'm not a lentil weaver by nature , although reading this you would never believe it lol!

As for my age I started having babies at 30 and had my last at 39, so I throughout my 30's.

That's really interesting kittywise.
Not sure which therapy I shall go for, but will definitely try something when I feel ready as I've found it beneficial in the past.
Thanks for sharing your story with me, it has given me some hope for the future although no decisions have been made as yet as to what we're going to do.