Best friend just given the same due date I would of had - but I misscarried
Emmah120595 · 05/05/2022 08:43
Just found out my best friend who was pregnant at the same time as me has had her dating scan - baby all healthy, which is a relief. But they’ve given her the due date that my twins would of had. I’m floored. Devastated, jealous, angry. I do not know how I’m going to cope with this situation. I don’t understand how I can be so happy for someone but jealous at the same time. How on earth can I cope with this without losing her? I haven’t spoke to her in a couple of weeks already
catlovingbeth · 05/05/2022 10:27
This is so hard. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Does your friend know about your loss? If so, I’m sure she will understand how difficult it is for you.
Could you perhaps keep contact very brief and to messages only at this point? I have done this in the past and it has kept the friendship “ticking over” whilst being easier to manage?
Wowcherarestalkingme · 05/05/2022 10:33
I had something very similar to this. I was due on the 5th, my two best friends were due on the 4th and 6th. I lost my little boy at 16 weeks and they both went on to (thankfully) have healthy boys. It was hard. I cried when they both announced their babies had been born, which thankfully weren’t born on my baby’s due date. However, I painted on a smile and congratulated them. I won’t lie there is a tiny pang when it is their children’s birthdays but once their boys were born, I started to move on and then fell pregnant myself which resulted in the boy currently sat on my lap. Loss is hard and you have to deal with it in the best way for you. You won’t forget but I’m my experience it does get easier with time. Maybe keep a distance or only involve yourself as much as you feel able to. I had to remind myself that although I was grieving, both my friends were excited and I didn’t want to take away from that so I kept my distance for a bit and sent supportive messages via text.
mom so sorry for your loss x
ChateauMargaux · 05/05/2022 10:37
Journal, shout, scream, cry.. find support who will listen..
If you journal.. write the words you have done here.. describe them.. what they mean, what colour they are, where you feel them in your body, what shape they are, recognise them, accept them.
If that approach speaks to you in any way.. perhaps some grief and trauma support would help. www.rutholayinka.com/hypnotherapy-services/birth-trauma-resolution/
I am sorry for your loss.
Emmah120595 · 05/05/2022 10:53
@Wowcherarestalkingme I am so sorry for your loss, but also very happy that you now have your lovely boy. Did you meet up with them in person during their pregnancies? Or attend their baby showers / gender reveals?
Wowcherarestalkingme · 05/05/2022 10:58
I did meet up with them once which was fine (and alcohol free which I think helped me!) but they didn’t have a baby shower or gender reveal. I think it was easier as we live over an hour apart now so I could be as involved as I wanted.
NoodletheSchnoodle · 07/05/2022 17:28
I'm so sorry OP, this is so hard to go through.
No real advice but just wanted to say I understand.
My sister has just announced she is pregnant, due exactly 4 weeks after I would have been had I not miscarried (for the 3rd time, after IVF) and although we are super close I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of her pregnancy. I cried all evening the day she told me (she knows about the miscarriage so was somewhat sympathetic I suppose) but every time I think about it I have such a negative shadow over hanging me, how she'll be doing all the things I should have. Not even the thought of a new niece or nephew makes me excited. I hate feeling like this but I'm so angry, jealous & upset (about the situation and my bad luck, not at her) but at the moment I feel like I don't even want to hear anything about her pregnancy as it's too raw & painful for me. Can't believe how selfish I sound. I have a big family and lots of mutual friends/colleagues with my sister so there will be no escaping the talk and excitement.
Any tips from your thread will be gratefully received!
for you being in this shitty situation too.
TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/05/2022 17:31
I’m so sorry OP - been there, got the tshirt, lost the friendship.
does she know about your loss and how you feel about it?
I think with hindsight I’d have pulled back - been friendly and asked after her/her pregnancy but not been adamantly fine when I wasn’t, and also more honest with myself and her that I wasn’t keen to meet up.
I’m sorry, I really am. I think this probably is survivable but it’s damn hard.
Qwill · 07/05/2022 17:34
This happened to me! She lived quite far away so didn’t see her pregnant. I’m in the UK so we don’t tend to do baby showers/sex reveals, and if she did I wouldn’t have gone whatever due date as I can’t stand them!! I don’t even think about it now and only felt happiness when they announced the birth. You will get over it, I promise, but it is difficult at the beginning.
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