Chat about MMC and surgical management - trigger warning for those who may not want to chat about this stuff

[Cantsleepjustwanttochat]

Hi,

I can't sleep!
I found out on the weekend that I had a silent miscarriage. It was at my 12 week scan, foetus stopped growing at 10w 4days. I was alone when I found out this information (husband at home with kids, no childcare etc). As soon as the probe went onto my skin I saw a small baby, and no heartbeat.

I said to the sonographer "no heartbeat?" But she put the probe down and ran out of the room to get her colleague - I know, she needed someone else to confirm this, but I would have appreciated her acknowledgement in what I'd already observed :(

She was quite distant, I could've done with a hug in that moment but she kept scanning me, I had to ask why... "to get all the measurements" she said. I understood that but I wondered if it would've been easier to wait until I'd stopped sobbing...

I had no idea anything was wrong, I was so bloody sick. Vomiting everyday, tired etc it's so devastating.

I had my surgery today and all went really well. The nurses, Dr's and everyone I encountered were incredible. I woke up feeling fine and I've felt good all day.

I do have some mild pins and needles feeling in my arms and legs but thinking that's just from the GA and hopefully will go soon.

For some reason I can't sleep? I don't know why. I'm really bloody tired.

So, so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a MMC at 16 weeks several years ago. Make sure you look after yourself and take time to rest/grieve.

So sorry 😔 there is a board on here for pregnancy loss if you want to come over. There are many of us in similar situations. I have been waiting for my surgery and finally have a date on Wednesday so its reassuring to hear that the actual procedure was not too bad.

@onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl

So sorry 😔 there is a board on here for pregnancy loss if you want to come over. There are many of us in similar situations. I have been waiting for my surgery and finally have a date on Wednesday so its reassuring to hear that the actual procedure was not too bad.

I did see there was a board but there didn't seem to be many comments on posts there so I thought I'd have more luck here - clearly not! I may get it moved across as you've suggested.

I'm sorry you're going through this too.
If you have any questions about the procedure I'd be happy to answer them for you x

So sorry to hear your sad news, I had a MMC 7 years ago, my scan was meant to be when I was 13wks however it showed just the development of a foetal pole that didnt progress past 6wk-ish. I too had the nausea etc for the weeks beforehand. My pregnancy was a shock and at the start I panicked when the test came up positive and was devastated. I dont know why, I love babies and was in a steady relationship. I felt like that for about 2 days before starting to imagine my little baby growing and who it would look like when it was born. My parents were delighted. His parents were delighted. We ended up really looking foward to it and then at our scan we got the bad news. It was absolutely devastating. We were told to come back in 2wks incase dates were wrong and the midwife walked us out through the back doors of the maternity unit so we didnt have to walk past all the pregnant ladies in the waiting room. 2wks later when we went back the news remained the same, those 2wks in limbo were so strange, I stayed off work as couldnt handle the thoughts of acting normal, Im in a customer facing role. I spent lots of time on my own which I would never really do, I went to the shops a few times with my Mum but I would always get an overwhelming sick to the stomach type feeling halfway through whatever we were doing at the normalness of it. For some reason the sun shining made it seem worse, how can the sun shine when I am going through this horrible time? How can people still keep acting normal. Not many people knew until I got the scan 2wks later confirming it was bad news. I then felt it was ok to tell people, my family is large and all very close in that my very best friends are my cousins so I knew it would only be a matter of time before they knew. I let my friends deal with this part so I had no awkward chats with people, they told the bad news for me. I had the surgery the day after the second scan, the Drs were all great, I was so afraid as never been knocked out before but it was fine. I remember the theatre being freezing. And telling the Dr I was very very nervous. Then I just remember walking up in recovery. It was a male nurse and he was lovely, brought my water up for me etc as I was dying of thirst. When I was wheeled back up from theatre my Mum was waiting for me and I gave her the thumbs up and said ''I survived!'' or something equally as ridiculous because I was trying to make her laugh. My heart was broken and broken for everyone else...I felt I had disappointed everyone. I too found it hard to sleep as my mind kept going over the 2 days I had wished for things to be different, I felt guilty and that I had caused the MMC by not being happy about it. I felt like I deserved it. I realise now this is not right and my emotions were all over the place. I struggled with serious anxiety issues for about a year after it happened, panic attacks that something would happen to my parents or my partner. One night we were at the 18th party of my cousin and my parents were leaving at 11.30pm, the venue is literally a 10 min walk from where we live and I went into panic mode that something would happen to them on the way home. They text to say they were home and as I was leaving to go home my cousin grabbed me for a dance, I was telling her I was leaving and she begged me for one dance, I started dancing and suddenly had this realisisation that OF COURSE my parents were ok walking home, of course I would be ok walking home, of course I didnt have to leave right away, the music was good and that one dance honestly was like a switch inside me that life would be ok. My whole outlook changed and my anxiety totally dialled down to manageable levels, for the next 18months I went dancing and to places with my partner and friends that before the anxiety would have stopped me. I was totally loving life. Then I found out a few months later I was expecting my little boy and I loved life even more. I genuinely expected that my MMC was my 'only shot' at having a baby. My little boy will turn 4 on Easter Monday, my little girl is 8 months old and I am getting married to my partner of 17yrs this summer. I still think about my MMC, but I don't always remember on the dates. I think MMC is not widely enough discussed, it's a real shock to the system to find out you have had one, the Drs and nurses etc are mostly all lovely ime but after surgery I felt like that was a line drawn under it by medical people when really for me the worst time was only starting. I understand not everyone will have the issues and guilt afterwards that I had. I felt my body failed me by tricking me into thinking I was growing a viable baby, I ended up turning my thinking around into feeling that my body wanted that baby so bad it couldn't bare to let it go. I hope you are ok OP I am so sorry, its shitty, shitty news to get. My advice would be to talk things through if you want to, I bottled things up and it was wrong, I went through it all on my own which I shouldnt have. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. I hope your recovery goes well and you manage to get some restful sleep, I hope you have some good support around you and again please just tell those people how you are feeling if you feel you need to. Sending you 💐💐 and ❤️

Omg Im so sorry that was so long, thats the first time I have ever typed out my experience, I got a bit carried away.

Sorry you're going through this, your experience is very similar to mine. I had my 12 week scan just over a week ago, and was told the baby died at about 11 weeks. Like you, I still had morning sickness and in fact it didn't go until a few days after the surgical management. I was so, so tired for the first few days after it, but like you I also had trouble sleeping - an effect of the anaesthetic I think. The emotion really hit me too, I think it was a form of baby blues as the hormones of pregnancy subsided. Anyway it's now nearly a week and I'm still tired but feeling better.

Sorry your sonographer wasn't very helpful. Mine started by really jabbing me in the tummy (it caught me so much by surprise my leg jerked up as a reflex!), then said, "Well, there's a baby with a heartbeat" which she quickly revised to "I'm sorry, the baby doesn't have a heartbeat" - not the nicest mistake to make!

Good luck with your recovery and I hope you catch up on some sleep.

@Cantsleepjustwanttochat

So very sorry for your experience.

I’ve just discovered at 9 weeks I’ve maiderrors at 6 weeks. It hasn’t developed any further. Waiting to see if anything happens natural or next week hope to go in if not.

Concerned about being cautious about covid now though. Did you have to PCR or lateral flow test to be able to have the surgery?

I have several kids parties and feeling now I need to avoid incase of this. As don’t want to have to delay a procedure.