Missed miscarriage at 10 weeks - devastated, how do you get over it?

[Emalouise25111]

This is my first pregnancy, I'm 29 and partner is 32. We had an early scan at 7 weeks which was perfect - flickering heartbeat and all good measurements. I went back today just for reassurance, I had no inkling that anything was wrong. Was told that baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I feel absolutely lost and numb and devastated and don't know what to do with myself. I've got a hospital appointment tomorrow morning and no idea what to expect. I'm terrified of that, but mainly at the moment I'm scared about whether we will be able to conceive again, and if we do, how I will cope with the anxiety (I'm already a fairly anxious person and I'm horrified that all of my worries came true). Guessing I just feel like I need some stories of hope and reassurance, and ways of coping through this. Thank you xx

So sorry for your loss. I'm going though my third miscarriage at the moment.

How you feel now is completely normal and you need to give yourself plenty of time just to grieve this current pregnancy. Once your grief feels more manageable you can start to think about what to do next. If you do go for another pregnancy then I'm afraid it's inevitable that it will be more anxious for you - when the time comes it might be worth thinking about who can support you through those early weeks.
In terms of your appointment tomorrow, someone will probably go through the different options for managing the miscarriage - wait for it to happen naturally, take medication to induce it, or have surgical management. The Miscarriage Association website has quite a lot of information about the different options. Hope your appointment goes well - for me, just being cared for and listened to at the hospital this week has really helped.

I'm so sorry. I went through similar but in my second trimester. Honestly I wouldn't say I got over it but through it. I have gone on to have a successful pregnancy at 36 but it was joyless and fraught with anxiety at knowing your baby can be fine one minute and gone the next.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience around five years ago and it completely devastated me. I went through counselling for a number of months afterwards which really helped. The whole things is so traumatic and horrific and I really feel for you. Just take it all one minute at a time. X

Thank you all for your replies, it really does help to know you aren't alone xxx

Hi, I hope you are ok. This happened to me back in February , the baby had stopped growing at 14 weeks :(.
I found that the hospital I went to the staff were so nice and supportive so I hope you get the same support.
It was all a bit of a shock but if you feel up to it you can have tests to see what happened? I’m currently waiting for the results of mine, I’m hoping for some closure from them.
Hope tomorrow goes ok 💐

I'm so sorry. This happened to me with a baby conceived after fertility treatment. The sense of loss was unbearable and I didn't process it properly as I was fixated on trying again. It hit me several years later and I was overwhelmed with guilt and had counselling which helped.

So I guess I'm trying to say, be kind to yourself, take all the time you need to process it. It will get easier to bear with time. Xx

@Emalouise25111 I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost twins girls at 16 wks in 2020. It was really hard. Everyone grieves differently so do what you need to do. It's ok to be find one day and not the next,
I did conceive again in December that year and now have a beautiful 8 month old daughter. I was diagnosed with ptsd around scans specifically so was supported by perinatal mental health. I was also able to never have an appointment alone (covid meant I found out about the twins alone). I hope you do try again and get your rainbow when you feel ready xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too was very similar. Had an early scan around 6/7 weeks all fine, maybe measuring a little small. But heart beat was there etc. Then had a bleed, no pain just before 11 weeks which resulted in miscarrying.

I am now 28 weeks, honestly and no one really tells you this the first three months was full of anxiety and worrying every time I went to the loo. I found it extremely tough and was really low at times. But I don't see how you can't feel like that. But we got there.

Tomorrow they will scan you, go through your options. They may suggest leaving it a week or two to see if you pass naturally, I ended up having a D&C, which was fine, emotional but ok.

It takes time, share your news with friends and family, they will all rally around and look after you. Be kind to yourself, mentally and physically it is a lot to go through. Best of luck and so sorry again x

I'm really sorry for your loss. I experienced something similar in April 2019. Saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks and then went for another scan at 9 weeks I was completely thrown as baby had stopped growing. Had no idea as I still had all my symptoms.

The next few days are likely to be a whirlwind but it's important to remember that you don't need to make any decisions just yet. In actual fact, I waited two weeks before I made a decision. I opted for surgical management (the pregnancy would end via a procedure whilst I was under general anaesthetic) and this really was the right choice for me because I didn't want to know what was going on. Also, I didn't even begin to miscarry naturally in between times either.

You might find that the hospital are very clinical. They see this every day and unfortunately, aren't really interested until after the 12 week scan, which is sad.

I ended up being signed off work for 5 weeks, including my surgical recovery time.

You might bleed for a while after and your cycles might be all over the place. I bled for 6 weeks and my first cycle post mmc was 6 weeks long. They didn't really settle down again until I fell pregnant again, which was 8 months later. I had the procedure in May and was pregnant in the December with my now dd.

Mmc are so emotionally difficult (as of course are any types of loss) because there are no signs that it has happened. The desperation to fall pregnant again is overwhelming.

So sorry for your loss ❤️ my first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage last Oct, we found out when we went to the 12 week scan that the baby had died at 7 weeks. It was so awful and I couldn't understand why I'd had no idea that I was carrying around my baby for so long when they were no longer alive.

I found The Worst Girl Gang Ever (TWGGE) FB page and group really helpful getting me through those hard times. And also Zoe Clarke-Coates page Saying Goodbye. I also bought her book The Baby Loss Guide.

I had a month off work after my loss and then started trying to conceive again once my period returned. It only took me two months to conceive again and I'm currently 17 weeks and expecting a boy💙. I've struggled a lot with anxiety and for the first few weeks I was convinced I'd lose this one too. But I've found that the Pregnancy After Loss app is really supportive, as well as FB groups and speaking to others who are going through the same thing.

Sending huge hugs, it does get easier but I still have up and down days. Especially this week as I'm coming up to the due date for the baby I lost. Wishing you all the best and that you have your rainbow baby soon, when you feel ready to start trying again x

Really sorry for your loss @Emalouise25111 I started a small amount of bleeding at around 11 weeks. Found out the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks at my 12 week scan. I had surgical management under general anaesthetic 2 weeks ago. I was really anxious about it but it was okay and everyone in the hospital was really nice. If you have any questions on what my experiences were in hospital let me know x

I'm so sorry @Emalouise25111.

Baby died at 11 weeks here. I had surgery under GA if you have any Q's. Take time off if you need it. I don't think I took enough time off. I had counselling and found it helpful.

I don't have a positive story yet, but I have other fertility issues going on so it's not related.

I had a miscarriage at age 40 with my first pregnancy. I had some spotting at 11 weeks and found out the baby had stopped growing a few weeks before. It all seems like a dream now and like it never happened. I found I grieved very subconsciously. I'd just find myself crying even though I wasnt actively thinking about it. I conceived 6 months later and now have a 9 month old boy. I was a bit anxious in pregnancy, but think I would have been regardless. It's a new a strange experience which is out of your control.

Hi OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I had a MC at 9 weeks in the summer, it's hard. It's not just the pain of losing the pregnancy but the whole future I had planned in my head. I had a D&c under GA, it was fine, no pain. I'm now pregnant again and just had my 20 week scan yesterday and all good so far. I haven't felt that anxious this pregnancy because I've been sick with hyperemisis, I just didn't have the head space, but it's natural to feel anxious.

I cannot begin to tell you all how much it helps to hear how many other women go through this, and I’m so so sorry to hear all of your stories, but thank you so much for sharing them. It’s been incredible to tell friends and family (who we told very early on unfortunately) and hear how many people have experienced this. We went into hospital today and have a D&C booked for Tuesday - me and my partner both feel we want it over with at this point. It’s also amazing to hear your stories of hope and rainbow babies ❤️ May ours be on the way very soon xxx

Glad you got through the hospital appointment ok and made a plan. I had my D&C this morning and it was as good as it could be - a little scary going into theatre with loads of doctors and nurses round me and I was worried about the anaesthetic but that was absolutely fine. Also the staff were so lovely and kind. I went home a couple of hours after and have just been a bit achy (but have managed fine on paracetamol) and I feel slightly washed out and pale. Good luck for Tuesday - having also had 2 natural miscarriages I would go for the D&C option any time, for me it has been mentally and emotionally much more straightforward.

So sorry for your loss. I am 38 and had 3 miscarriages last year. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and thankfully everything is going well so far. Hope this gives you hope going forward x

I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP. Very similar thing happened to me twice. I grieved heavily after the second one especially. Two D&Cs. Did the "sperm meets egg plan" (google for info). Now have a little girl. Please stay strong and know you are not alone

I had a MMC in the summer of 2020. We'd had normal scans at six and eight weeks and then found out at a scan at 10 weeks for the Harmony test that the baby had died. I'd had a bit of very minimal spotting in the run up to the last scan and had a sixth sense feeling that something was wrong.

The experience was devastating. I had two weeks off work and that time off helped.

I now have a beautiful seven week old baby asleep next to me. Whilst it's still difficult thinking about the miscarriage, if I hadn't had it, then my baby girl wouldn't be here today, so I tell myself that everything happens for a reason. I so hope you get your rainbow baby - take care of yourself