Scared to try again

[elliew818]

Hi all, I am just looking for other people’s opinions and if anyone has had a similar experience really.
My situation is I have two very wonderful boys who are both rainbow babies. My DH and I would like to have 3 children if we can but my youngest DS is about to turn 1 and we’re starting to think about trying again which is frankly petrifying me!
The thought of trying for my 5th pregnancy is making me so anxious and I can’t help thinking that even if I did get pregnant, I’d be expecting to lose that baby because maybe I can only have rainbow babies. I realise it sounds irrational but it’s all I’ve known.
The pregnancies I’ve lost have both been terminations for medical reasons due to ‘not compatible with life’ complications found at the 12 week scan which means a 7 week wait from a positive test where I can’t really believe in the pregnancy.
I appreciate I’m in a very lucky position as some people don’t get to have their rainbow babies and so part of me thinks I shouldn’t be trying to push my luck in going for a third.
We’re very happy with our boys and I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t want to taint things by trying for a third and having it all go wrong.
If anyone has been in a similar situation it would be great to hear your thoughts!

I understand how you feel. I also have 2 children and we've been trying for our third. I'm now going through my second miscarriage (this time at 12 weeks) since we started, having also had a miscarriage between my 2 kids. I have no idea at this point whether we'll make the decision to stop or carry on trying - as you say, it feels indulgent to keep trying when we already have 2 wonderful children. However I do feel that with every miscarriage I become more resilient (though I can completely understand it would have the opposite effect on some women) and if we do try again I will have the attitude of "I'm going to assume this won't work out, but great if it does". Even my latest pregnancy I was pretty good at not envisioning the future, not imagining it as an actual baby, just trying to keep it in the background of my thoughts. Having said that, with morning sickness, sore boobs etc I could never actually forget I was pregnant!

So I would say you could make the decision based on how you think you'd cope if the pregnancy didn't work out again. Also how you'd deal with anxiety during the pregnancy - if it's something you're already struggling with then it might only get worse if you became pregnant, and of course anxiety really impacts on family life.

The unknown of pregnancy after miscarriage is so hard to deal with - good luck making your decision.